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No
Samm Marie Mar 2016
No
I have come to learn
About pain
And its
Necessity in my
Dreary life

But what
The hell is that
Shining through my rain
A light of hope
A piece of life
That I was denyed

I refuse to conform
To my growing depression
A clinic can help me not
I am not a ******* child
I will make the decision
To live life to the fullest

I'm so **** exhausted
Of experiencing hatred
When did our hearts become
So **** jaded
No I refuse to
Love those who
Are capable
And still refuse
To return the favor
Samm Marie Jul 2016
When they saw her sliced up arms and thighs
Because they couldn't believe
Someone with such a childish
Angelic face could really do that to herself
And no one thought to say anything
When she silently screamed out for help
So off she went with some rope
And no hope left
To the bathroom
In the shower
Where she hanged herself
By kicking a stool out from under her feet
After all she was short and tiny
Which leads us to today
An entire year later
Where she could've been an entire year older
An entire year happier
If someone had said something
Thankfully she found her God
But that doesn't justify an 11 year old girl's
Suicide
Unfortunately, this is a true story about my younger sister's best friend last year. A few of the girls in their "squad" noticed the girl in the poem was cutting herself and said nothing to anyone, not even the girl. I strongly believe with all of my heart that had somebody spoke up my sister's friend could still be here. I say this because I could have been that girl a few times but I've always been talked back to life.
So please, if you notice things like that, SPEAK UP , it could save a life
Samm Marie Jul 2016
I tell you I need you
But you couldn't care less
Samm Marie Aug 2017
No such thing as too much kissing
No such thing as too much love
No such thing as too many hours staring at each other
No such thing as too many cuddles
No such thing as too much longing
*No such thing as too much love
Samm Marie Aug 2017
To love oneself
Is to love purely
Simply and beautifully
Samm Marie Aug 2016
You sick twisted foolish
Man child that can hardly have emotion
You may haunt my mind
But you can't be he cause I ice my heart
You're a lost boy
With no place to call home
The past is a memory
A ghost
But because of you
It's a banshee
I can't live much longer in this state
Because everywhere I go
You follow me there
Just because your father
Is an abusive piece of work
Doesn't mean you have to be
Maybe you don't realize
What it is you do to girls like me
Girls like Mo
Girls like Em
All us mentally unstable due to rough situations
But you put us through hell
And never just once
I loved you
Past tense
Maybe present
Possibly future if you were to change
But you destroyed my entire being
Girls like us need build me ups
Not abuse me down
Maybe you don't recognize this form of abuse
Because it isn't the kind your father exhibited
But it hurts just as much
If not more
Abuse is still abuse
You told me time after time
You'd do anything to not be your father
But here you are on this abusive path
You asked me once if
When we were married
I'd let you shoot your gun in the house
And you begged me to say no
But I told you
If you aim that gun at me
Or my kids I'll ******* leave
Because no way in hell would
I put with that nonsense
Yet here I still am
Standing by while you
Unknowingly abuse me
O
Samm Marie Aug 2017
O
Open
Oppressed
Odd
Own
Om
Other
Ornery
Oh!
Okay
Samm Marie Aug 2016
Why should I fear oblivion
When I'm terrified of you
Samm Marie Aug 2016
Why should I fear oblivion
When I'm terrified of you
Sure, I've no clue what lay ahead
In the realm of shots in the dark
But with you
It's an endless loop of suffering
We talk
I love
You leave
I break
We talk
I love
You leave
I break
Over and over
As though it's been set
In a washing with memories
And longing
At least with oblivion
I understand that things are different
To expect nothing
Because everything can change
But you're human
You're not a monster
Because monsters are my friends
You're human and you cannot help
But to repeat history
I obviously can't either
But I don't want to fall under your riptide
Ever again
I want to jump heart first into oblivion
Take shots at nothing
And fail
But have the chance of succeeding
With you there is no changing
I could have loved you forever
But I hate shapes
And darling you're a circle comprised of
Pain, lust, and evil
I'm in love again
This time though
It's with void space
And infinite shapeless possibilities
Extended by the request of Paul Hansford, who needed more than ten words
Samm Marie Oct 2016
It's finally here
My favorite month of the year
The leaves,
The scent,
The love,
The warmth,
The cold,
All of it swaddles me like a baby blanket
It's glorious
The truth comes out
On the final night
Throughout the month
Celebrations galore
October, October
It means so much more
Than given credit for
Samm Marie Jun 2017
Baby you are such a light in my world
Even when you make me cry
Last night you told me you love me
And oh my **** if I didn't cry
Forty minutes after we said goodnight
I was still crying
Tears of happiness
Because baby you are a kick drum in my heart
And I will always love you, too
Samm Marie May 2016
I'm confused
Can you help me my dear
I'm feeling kinda lost and alone
I don't know
Where to go from here
But I won't go home
You told me
I was never gonna
Face the world
All by myself
Now I'm sitting here
Lookin' down
From a higher shelf

I'm all alone in this world
Least it seems that way
I can't say that I know
But I'm doin' okay
Yeah it kinda hard right now
Oh it's kinda tough
But I gotta stick it out
Like a diamond in the rough

Once upon
Some songs ago
I thought I met my prince
Now I know
I was so wrong
I've been healin' since
I'm pavin' my own little road
All on my own
And I must say I'm **** proud of myself

I'm all alone in this world
Least it seems that way
I can't say that I know
But I'm doin' okay
Yeah it kinda hard right now
Oh it's kinda tough
But I gotta stick it out
Like a diamond in the rough

Cuz I'm all alone in this world
For now anyway
And I don't care anymore
It's gonna be this way
Yeah I'm workin on lovin
Me and myself
And yes
Oh it's really tough
But I will stick it out
I'm a diamond in the rough
Samm Marie May 2016
I can't stand it
I can't
This world has gone to ****
What happened to my expectations
What happened to my hope?
It doesn't matter
It doesn't
It can't
Where are the knights,
The chivalry,
The happiness
Where in the hell
Did all my faith go?
I used to believe
I swear it
I did
But now I can't
Even begin to wrap it all
Around my brain
But as I have said
I can't stand it
I can't
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Would I have thought
I'd be strong enough
To feel confident and comfortable
In my own skin
I had that for a short period of time
I put myself out there
And I tried so hard
Yet so carefree
I know this is when I was most beautiful
You took that from me
Now I'm back to claim
What is rightfully
Mine
Samm Marie Jul 2016
The tick tick ticking of the wall clock
Casts its spell on me
And I start to tumble
Down
  Down
     D
       o
        w
          n
Into my thoughts so deep
I begin to explore the stones unturned
In my mind and I try to sleep
But the burning curiosity of it all
Lulls me in a rocking rhythm
As I venture into thoughts unspoken
Thoughts unheard
Those thoughts were locked away for a reason
I stumble blindly about my own house
Trying to find escape
But instead only see what my madness creates
A false hope
And a broken girl
Strewn about the floor
On occasion entrails dragged across the mantel
When I finally find the couch so near
I sit and cry my fat stained tears
And rock and rock and rock
In hopes it will go away
I don't want to know myself so deeply
Because if I do
How could I possibly think someone will save me
Back and forth and back and forth
Faster and harder I try
Which only pulls me
D
e
  e
   p
    e
     r
Into myself
Until I am completely inside out
Full of fear
Drunk on my one hundred percent
No sanity back guarantee
Mad
Samm Marie Aug 2016
I breathe in hatred
I bleed out love
Welcome home
Samm Marie Mar 2020
Everything makes me tired
Lithium
Seroquel
Escitalopram
Sertraline
Hydroxyzine
And so far nothing has worked
I constantly feel overwhelmed
Undervalued
And sad
This Pandemic has devoured my paycheck
And I have learned how
Unimportant I am in such an oversaturated market
My brain feels so scattered and
It does not feel like my birthday
After all what is there to celebrate
By my own actions and choices I have no friends
My medications cause outbursts of anger
And my soon to be husband gets the short end of that stick
I am a mess and I am full of missing
Samm Marie Jul 2016
When everything else "good" left
Hope remained throughout the chaos
Samm Marie Apr 2022
And just when I've forgotten the hurt
I see the one photo we have together
And I shatter all over again
Please please check on your loved ones more often
Samm Marie Mar 2016
I August I believed
I had finally found
Love

I hadn't though
But that's okay
15 March 2015
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Big stain of ink at
The end of your sentence
.
Samm Marie Sep 2016
Don't wear the white skirts
The white underwear
The white dress
The white pants
Unless you want red splotches
Oh you, want to look cute today
You aren't expecting me for another week
Here, let me ruin this for you
*****, you wanna go?
Okay, who has the ****** pills?
...the what...?
Ibuprofen!
****** just hand it over
And the blood just keeps flowing
Also, how the **** did someone determine
The average of
1 teaspoon of blood loss per month
Actually, I don't wanna know
So sorry I forgot to get pregnant
Now Mother Nature has to be a ****
Oh wait, that's what's causing this pain
.
.
.
******* girl problems
Samm Marie Jul 2016
I am looking for the hay
In my stack of needles

I can assure that this
Has been said before me

But it rings true still
And lives as my axiom

I am searching for my
Individuality in a conformity sea

Perhaps I am meant to
Live in many muddied waters

Yet here I am refusing
A fate I cannot seal

Surrender is only an option
For negativity holding me back

I cannot lose everything again
I won't hear my heartbreak

Openly I defy the standards
Laid before my deaf ears

I refuse to stand mute
When I witness any injustice

Now I have decided after
Sixteen years of caving in

I am no one's marionette
Because I pull the strings
A collection of 10w poems
Samm Marie Mar 2017
Perhaps I am a confusing individual
Believing that human nature is inherently good
While thinking that the world is out to get me
But knowing the universe is indifferent
To my menial existence that has beautiful
Tones lifting other souls into their fullest
Potential where they can live
Abiding by laws of morality
Which is a grey area
Molded skillfully and in a lovely fashion
Samm Marie Mar 2016
One
Two
Three
Loosed
Snap
Fall
The petals grow only to break away
Flower petals are like children
You watch them bloom
You view the growth
You tend to them with heart and soul
They shy away
You cry when they fall to the earth
And eventually
You watch them leave
Samm Marie Sep 2016
I sat upon my bench so black
So battered
So lonely
My brother sat in the chair to my right
To my consciousness
To my awareness
On his way out I asked him to **** the lights
**** the distractions
**** the white noise
And I sat in the dark after opening that dusty lid
Sleek lid
Smooth lid
And there were my emotions
Poured out into my foot and flighty fingers
I closed my eyes to deepen my thoughts
To clear my mind
And for the first time in a long time
I felt my soul being touched
Being warmed
Being remembered
I prayed outloud as the strings of the piano
Reflected the strings of my heart
I allowed the tears and mascara to freely run
And the anger to burn fiery red
Fading into an abusive purple
Melting into a blue depression
And finally waltzing into yellow hope
Splattered with a foxtrot of grey forgiveness
In the dark basement
All alone tonight
I found myself again
"I thought you were lost"
"I wasn't lost, you just needed to search"
Fortisitisimo might have sounded like truth
But the most sacred things I've ever learnt
Have been in life's rare
Pianissimo moments
Samm Marie Aug 2016
I'm a broken mess
Piece me together
I'm taken out of context
Piece me together
I need compassion to breathe
Piece me together
I need a hand to see
Piece me together
I'm sloppy and I'm unwhole
Piece me together
I'm jaded and I am unsold
Piece me together
I can't comprehend half the **** people do
Piece me together
I can't understand the thought of living without you
Piece me together
I'm begging for you to
Piece me together
But you're the one who
Broke me
Piece me together
Samm Marie May 2016
Pinky swear it
Promise me
Because that is my only reliable form of trust
And honestly?
*******
If you treat your word like pie crusts
Yet here I am
Watching you
Lie and cheat your way through life
You *******
And dishonest *****
Excuse my vulgarity but you've hurt me
I bleed
I wail
But you no longer give a ****
So hey,
Guess what!
I am so ******* done with your ******* (un)love song
Samm Marie Mar 2016
I walk a fine line
Between risk and safety
I stumble blindly
Not knowing my own hand
Each second that passes
The blindfold only tightens
I hear a voice
Made of flame
-Oh that seductive flame-
Lead me through
The troublesome night
My heart it screams
"This isn't the way!"
My head it sings
"Please continue to play!"
Discordant noises echo
Off the walls of my mouth
But in the end
My tongue slips
And everything goes south

The fine line I walk is blurring
I can't see it
Not even a sliver
How am I to know what
I'm doing is wrong
I was just listening
To the sweet devil's song
Samm Marie May 2016
I'm far too tired
To put up
With this ****
Samm Marie Aug 2016
I am told
And I want to believe
You are everywhere
And you are everything
But lately
As I have been losing sanity
I've lost sight of you
Where are you now?
Isn't there beauty in the thought
Of madness
Rushing in a bubbly river
Boiling over the banks
Of my mind
There's a certain peace
That comes with the concept
Of going bonkers
But Poetry, I can't find you
It's driving me up a hall
And down a wall
Twisting and turning
Every time I think I found you again
The door slams on my pinky
And my eyes flood with crazy
In losing my mind
And I need you to find me
Because
****** Poetry,
Where did you go?
Samm Marie Aug 2016
Easy targets make for great alibis
Because the fear stricken in their hearts
Will make them say any lies
Easy targets make for great playthings
You can't help but to manipulate their minds
Tugging on their marionette strings
Easy targets make for great alibis
Because they choke when they try
To utilize their own voice
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Down to the very last
Ounce of happiness
And sadness
I am me
And no one can take
That away from
My being
I am me
A ******* diamond
No one can take that
Away from me
No matter how hard
I am
Pressed
Samm Marie Apr 2018
I set a timer for five minutes
Five times
And finally cleaned my room
Seeing the floor for the first time
Since December.
I woke up on time this morning
And I made my bed
For the first time in years.
I ate breakfast
I looked nice
I respected myself.
It isn't much,
But it's a start
And I'm actually getting better
Samm Marie Apr 2016
Promises are not
Like pie crusts
They are not
In any way
Meant to be
Broken

Promises are however,
Words to be
Taken with all
Seriousness

They are not
Something one should
Take so lightly
Like you do
Remember to not
Be a total
****
Samm Marie Mar 2022
I always tumble
Suspended in the air in a never ending tunnel
Down
             Down
                          Down
                                       Forgetting to clamber up the walls
Lost hopelessly til time has ceased
And meaning forgotten
Samm Marie Apr 2016
A cup of life
An ounce of faith
A teaspoon of pain
A pound of love
A dash of heartbreak
A pinch of sass
A tablespoon of sarcasm

Stir together in that
Pretty little head of yours
And take a nap
Let bake for several hours
(time varies depending on
how badly you need this
pick-me-up
)
Add in three cloves
Of happiness
And enjoy

Refresh as needed
And don't forget
To smile
Samm Marie Mar 2016
Darling, you are my slice of heaven
In this crazy world
Josh Turner had it right
Angels fall sometimes
Little did he know
That you would drop
Into my life
A blessing out of disguise
A feeling of security
You, my dear, are my inspiration
You, without fail,
Catch me whenever I fall
A burden you most certainly are not
Everyone tells
I need to drop you
They just don't comprehend
How dear I hold you
Right ow the waters are rough
But I refuse to
Leave without fighting
I, with complete honesty,
Believe the Lord placed
Your soul -
your sweet, compassionate, selfless soul -
Into my life to heal mine
- My damaged, cruel, selfish heart -
You, my beloved,
Are living, loving proof
That angels fall sometimes
If I said you haven't changed me
I'd be liar
To you
Me
And everyone
You have loved me
Despite the obvious fact
I'm no saint
For the past
Four-hundred-ninety-five days
I have feared you would leave me
Because though angels fall sometimes
They can only wear blinders
For so long
I know how obnoxious I can be
I realize I am selfish
It scares me even more
That after over
Seven-hundred-five-thousand-six-hundred
Moments
My worst nightmare is coming to life
I'm standing on the platform
Kicking, screaming, crying
As I watch you ascend to oblivion
Why didn't I tell you how I feel sooner?
Is now too late?
Because if not, here I go:
You are the sun to my moon
I reflect the light you shine
You are the breath I breathe
My hero,
My role model
My inspiration
To better myself
You are Joker to my Harley
I know I can drive you crazy
That much is obvious
But you're my better half
Oh Dear, you are the
Dream I thrive on
But enough metaphors
Because those could be meaningless
Allow me to express how I feel:
My sweetheart, I need you
I love you like Ariel loves Eric
Except that my love runs so much deeper
Deeper than the Mariana's  Trench
I know I don't often exhibit it
But you complete me
I don't know how to say it
Without risking sounding selfish
-Then again we both know my high levels of conceit-
I need you like I need oxygen
******, I love you
I am not strong
No matter what you say
If I were
I would be able to move on and forget
I know that I will never
Experience such a
Red tulip sensation
Ever again
I don't want this to be the end
I'm sorry I haven't been what you need
As of late
But please
Let's just start over
It could go something like this,
"Hi"
"Hi"
And so forth
Rekindling the flame we started
Those
Four-hundred-ninety-five
Days ago
So,
"Hi"
Samm Marie Nov 2016
I am most definitely an agnostic
With interest in conversion
...
But I am also a human
With an interest in him
...
So I agreed to go discuss religion
Even with a third party addition
...
Over stereotypical American coffee
Lacking nutrition but filling with happy
...
I listened to testimonies of growing up Christian
I think they forgot about my religious disposition
...
At the end they both prayed
And he was wishing I'd stay
...
I guess I'll be in pews on Sunday holding his hand
But really I'd do anything to hold it again
Samm Marie Jul 2016
We all need a little faith
To help us sometimes
Samm Marie Mar 2022
Hot girl summer
Starts with
Healthy girl spring
Samm Marie Aug 2016
Free samples don't live here anymore
Can't you see the walls are boarded up
Did you miss the no trespass sign
Well, I don't care
This bar is closed
I don't sell to you anymore
You can take your life somewhere else
But I thought you could read
You can't tell me you miss me
Because I'm telling you, I'm glad you said goodbye
So leave and don't come back
I'm not a revolving door for you to use
As a way to empower yourself
Even if I were
I'm out of order
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Everything might be pushed just
A little to far forward
Samm Marie Aug 2017
Adali offered Father’s stranger more wine.
We all knew he’d accept.
On our way to the woods though,
Someone stepped upon my dress.
“Oh Yseult,”
Conradine cried.
“Stop imagining things”
They didn’t think I was right.
The trees were beautiful every time
We walked the paths by the midnight moon.
The first was silver,
The second gold,
But we all loved diamonds the most.
Again I could feel someone following:
The trees never made a sound.
“Oh Yseult,”
Ediline hushed.
“You really are too old for these games.”
They didn’t think I was right.
I tugged on Galiana’s left glove-
We’d always been close-
Thinking she’d believe me this once.
But the boys in the boats were too tempting for us.
I told Oskar there was something wrong,
The boat was too heavy for him to row.
“Oh Yseult,”
Irmuska gasped.
“You didn’t even eat today!”
They didn’t think I was right.
Within minutes we arrived
At our sanctuary, our dancing hall.
We laced up our shoes
But I watched the boat groan and rock.
“Oh Yseult,”
Katchen teased.
“That’s just the tide pulling it in.”
They didn’t think I was right.
Hours passed as I danced
With my Oskar.
However, the sinking feeling
We’d been caught lingered.
“Oh Yseult,”
Magnild snorted.
“Your delusioning is quite perturbing.”
They didn’t think I was right.
Oskar took me away
To the side of the room.
He knew my shoes had worn straight through.
I watched out the corner of my eye
A golden chalice float away.
“Oh Yseult,”
Otylia reprimanded.
“Your childish ways are far too much!”
They didn’t think I was right.
The brothers rowed me
And my sisters back home.
Kissing us each goodnight,
They returned to their boats
Thinking we’d see them tomorrow.
I heard a creaking sound behind us.
Once again I tried to warn them.
“Oh Yseult,”
Rille rolled her beautiful eyes.
“Please stop being stupid for once.”
They didn’t think I was right.
We returned to our bedroom
Without further commotion.
When we arrived though
Our secret door would not close.
“Oh Yseult,”
Tieran chided.
“I know you’re youngest, but you can’t be that weak.”
They didn’t think I was right.
Father’s stranger was right in his bed
Snoring loud as inhumanly possible.
I knew it couldn’t be real
So I tried to reason with my sister’s again.
“Oh Yseult,”
Viheke yawned.
“Go to sleep now, you’re far too tired.”
They didn’t think I was right.
When the morning arrived
Father threw open our door.
The anger and happiness
Flowed from him moronically.
In his left hand were branches
Silver, gold, and diamond.
In his right
Was Oskar’s chalice.
Behind him was Father’s stranger
Smug and pleased.
He requested Adali’s hand in marriage,
Just as Father promised.
“Oh Yseult,”
My eleven sisters cried in unison.
“We should have listened!”
They didn’t think I was right.
This is my variation on The Twelve Dancing Princesses. It was a German fairytale so all the names are German. In the story, there are 12 sisters, each prettier than the last. Every day they are exhausted and their dancing slippers are worn out. Their father questions them but they refuse to answer. He instead declares that he will give his kingdom and daughters to the first person who can figure out the mystery. Each participant only has 3 days to solve the puzzle and faces death if he fails. One day a soldier comes. He has been given a cloak by an old woman in the forest. It will make him invisible. She also warns him not to eat or drink anything the princesses offer. He discovers that the princesses sneak out each night to meet with 12 princes and they dance the night away until they've worn out their slippers. He collects each of the items I used in the poem as evidence. The morning after the third night he approaches the king with his evidence. He is given one princess and becomes heir to the kingdom. The princesses are cursed for their disobedience.
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Although it is something of nightmares
We'll risk it all
Samm Marie Sep 2016
i'm so accustomed
to inhaling everyone's smoke rings
i allow their own stresses
to course throughout my veins
i'm broken because my decisions are poor
much like my family
too far below the poverty line
facing eviction
something no
16
13
11
or
8
year old child should have to be afraid of
i let the relationships around me
serve as platform to my self pity
for relationships i could not make work
i sit here
all too aware
of the noxious poisons i inhale
i am forced to fear for my life
and those of my siblings
those of my friends
that of my father
of my mother
simply because
i am the lowercase girl
quietly breathing in everyone's
choke worthy secondhand smoke
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Crazily, I fell heels over head for your
Unique state of mind, without knowing I'd
Never be able to cease loving you
T*o the ends of this hate filled world
Samm Marie Feb 2016
He is a miracle
A God-given gift
A light in my once dark world

He loves me
He loves me not
At least I know he likes me

My heart pounds
My cheeks flush
Here I go yet again

He's proper
And upper-class
But does not turn his nose up at me

My eyes dilate
My heart rushes
I sit in the clouds with love on my mind

It's my turn
This happiness is mine
Because ****** it's about ******* time

I know not what will come of the long run
But right now
He is mine

And I am his
Samm Marie Mar 2016
I'm seven days single
Six days sick
Five days dying
Four days childish
Three days gone
Two days confused
One day strong
Samm Marie Apr 2017
She left and so did all the stress
He came back, the feelings haven't yet
     (They're probably on the way)
I'm better than ever
Organized
Stress-free (well, close enough)
Interview soon to happen
Enjoying all the little things
Because life is too **** to not search for every sparkle
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