we can be like alice
but not like the one in chains
we will be free, freer, freest.

swallow the magic potion,
shrink from the drink that dripped
onto our palms.

your palms will be sweaty and cold pressed to my face-
your eyes are ice, your love is lice
it makes me scratch my head.

we'll be small
but we'll feel twenty thousand feet tall.
we are a leaf of grass.

maybe it's just the change in the weather,
but i want to shrug on your sweater,
and ride your miniature horse until sunrise.

hushed voices are almost screaming
and careful footsteps seem to be running
i'm thinking of the way i used to feel.

beautiful??
lovely??
a godess??
stunning??

worth it.

riding those miniature horses
until sunrise
seems to be a waste of time again

because when morning comes
they are always men again,
and i don't want to be small anymore.

don’t mistake
salt for sugar
if he wants to
be with you
he will
it’s that simple

give a moment of clarity to pull me out of the haze, won’t you? days have passed since i last remembered your name and even more have passed since i last forgot the scent of your clothes. your body is a synthetic imitation of a real one. i last saw you in a place you weren’t and that could be just because of a lack of some part of my sense i lost, i always was so forgetful.


define me this way: a monster of your making. the beauty you lost years ago when all you could mutter out of your chapped winter lips was please.


take me to a place where all the skies are blue, won’t you? days will come when i can’t really remember your name and even more will pass until the scent of your clothes become the scent of mine. your face is photocopy of an angel’s. i can see you in the puddle of the water, swimming with the tadpoles.


define me this way: no one important. everything you never really wanted to have.

i dont look for you anymore

darling,
you have the sweetest constellation
of a smile.
i love to play connect the dots
with the corners of your mouth.
i want
to use my pinkie finger
and drag it along your lips as
you
lay still
and my
hands shake.
i'd take
my time
and love you like an angel.

darling,
i love it when we embrace.
you always squeeze a bit too tight,
you call me el - i
only allow you to call me el-
and then you look me in the eyes
with those
blue, lightbulb, l-e-d, pastel coloured eyes
of yours.
****.

darling,
i'm moving forward
from the heartache,
and i'm looking at you.
you are not a fallback
and i don't even deserve your attention.
but when you say that you told your family
i sneeze like a kitten,
i imagine meeting them,
your mother saying:
that's the one.

darling,
maybe you'll save me from myself,
because he never could.

darling,
one day,
if
we kiss
goodbye-
no.
one day,
when
we kiss
hello
i hope i can say
i can give you all you deserve.

i spent two hours crying because
i realized
everything i thought i had
**i didn't