you,* so brutally honest,
when i know you're just
bitter
in fact misunderstood,
your thoughts
litter

you, an observer,
believing you know each crack of
me
but my lies have blinded
what you think you
see

you, self-destructive,
a loaded missile
ready
but desperate for sleep
and a soft, beautiful
melody

you, a curled chaos,
trying to be
hopeful
for something,
for someone
blissful

you, like fog,
eventually faded
away

you told me at a young age you would be there for me, love me. you lied you choose women over me, you wish you never had me. I remember  coming home from school to find you not there, you were at the bar you knew you could lose me did you care no the only thing that would make you happy is *** and captain Morgan.
you got your license suspend for too many OWI's  and you were out driving to some more beer and I see the lights flashing you said god fucken damit you told me to put my finger down throat and throw up I didn't understand at the why.you told the cop you were taking me to the hospital you lied.
you were a very Dysfunctional dad you had so many problems why didn't you just go to the doctor.
I remember you weren't your self that day sadder then usual later night you had scared me to death I was only six why would you put a gun up to you head and try to commit suicide.
I remember how strong you were ever time you  lost your chew you would go in to shock in beat me. you always thought I Stoll from you. I could go on and about all the other ******* up things you did but am not going to waste my time on a dead beat dad like you.
the only thing good I learned from is never to fall in love with a man like you.

I smell you
I smoke you
you make all the pain and suffering go away
I need you
I want  you
but I cant have
one year clean

Melancholy in my coffee
Subdues my day
Dresses me in drab
Lifeless clothing
The smile I wore yesterday
Left hanging in the closet
Slightly wrinkled
Sends me out the door
Under the grey sky
My vision clouded
My mind numbed
Even your warm skin
I kiss goodbye
Can't make the sun shine today
Tomorrow, I think, I'll take
My coffee black

poetry should be you, on paper
in black and white
italic and bold
truth of some kind
or lies told to illustrate a story

doesn't matter, really
since poetry is transparent
opaque, solid or wavering
poetry should be fluid
weaving through the fingers and threads
of the lives of those
who have yet to be truly touched
by their own words

poetry should convince them all
to speak up
and listen