confession: you meant everything to me.
question: did any of mean mean anything to you?

i don't want to be here
i only want to be *here

you're my world
but i'm not yours

At night while you're lying in your bed, angry at the sleep your body is depriving itself of, I hope you think of me and I hope your blood boils.
When your brain is dancing, tangled and knotted with your demons from all realms of your life; past, present, future, and you feel your hands clench into wrecking ball like fists, I hope you feel my phantom hands close lightly around them reminding them the pain isn't worth it. And then I hope you swing anyway.
When you grip a hand full of your hair, I hope you feel my fingers brush the tendrils from your face, and then I hope you pull.
When you lean against the first solid object in your path, on both arms, just looking for something to hold you up, I hope you feel my arms snake around you and my breath on your neck reminding you to breathe, just breathe with me, like this, slow it down, match me. Then I hope you forget how to breathe all together and your legs give out and you fall, weak, to the ground.
While you're down there shaking with anger and sadness and heaving out tears you dare let no one see, I hope you miss my calmness.
And more than anything, I hope as every second plays out you know that all it would take is one call, and I'd be there to ease you out of the nightmare I know you're trapped in.
And then, I hope you choke to death on the thought of letting someone like that go.
And I hope for your sake it was worth it.

She's like a flame
And you hate the break of spring
It becomes apparent to you in the morning
After the sun grazes your cheeks
And you spot a dandelion in the field
But you hate it
Not for it's beauty, but for the way it makes you feel
It reminds you that you have to start over
And that each day is a new chance
But you hate that
Because yesterday her perfume was inside your lungs
And her cheeks were pressed against your chest
Her chapped lips were the only connection to had to the ground
But then she was gone like a candle had been blown out
Because she was a flame
But winter was over and she no longer needed to keep you warm