i touched your soul
and scribbled my name on it
love, you’ll never get lost again

My Instagram and Twitter bios read,
‘Your friendly neighborhood garbage can,’
Maybe it’s because I'm afraid to be human,
Because being human means being somebody,
And being somebody means needing somebody,
Because no man is an island,
Therefore, if I am a can,
Specifically of garbage,
Then its ok to be alone,

Lately being alone is like being home,
An empty house full of empty rooms,
A place that I’ll be leaving soon,
Because just like this house,
Being alone can’t last forever,
Because everybody says that things get better,
And whether or not that's true is still up for debate,

And to every friend I’ve ever told that I am worth nothing,
I’m sorry for lying,
The truth is,
I’m scared of the truth,
If I admit that I’m worth something,
Then all the sudden this nothing becomes something,
Expectations, aspirations, goals for me to reach,
That I fear I never will,
I’m short you see,
And I’m only seventeen,
Yet it still feels like the world’s weight is on me,
Like I have to carry my family,
And I don’t understand why,

I’m still a child,
I still have a while,
To decide who I want to be,
Why does it feel like I need to know immediately?
Mom, I don’t want to be a lawyer,
But a poet’s paycheck won’t put you in a retirement home,

I’m on my last leg at seventeen,
I’m drowning in a sea of life,
I can barely breath,
And I am a child,
And honestly,
A child is all I ever wanted to be.

So past me,
I’m sorry for growing up.

We cannot write silence.
The beats.
The pause.
The breath.
The way it aches
and persists

and begs that,

if only for a moment,

our consciousness is only a whisper.
our bodies,
our lips,
the air that passes through falling chests
and stillness.

A melody of emotion.
Sleeping in the quiet of a heartbeat skipped
a word lost to the wind.

The wickedness of reticence
Encapsulated in air and time.

The moment stretched too long.
Hesitation perpetuated in the grip of fingernails
pressed into palms.

We cannot write silence,
but we can try.

to find a way to immortalize emotion
to create space
in the ceaseless drone of words that speak and spin.

I cannot write silence. But I can write
tears and years
and the burn of long-stretched lies.

I can write goodbyes and hellos
And dozen ways to say
I love to hate you
Or
I hate to love you
and sometimes
I cannot tell the difference.
Silence.
The space I have upheld for myself.

I love to hate you
Heart.

I hate to love you too.

I cannot write silence.
But I know it.
and I have held it in my hand.

The story
writes
the writer

We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love