Occasionally you will visit the cemetery of your heart
Looking for that vivacious love for life
Buried somewhere out there
And then you find it in the smile
Of a little babe
And for that briefest moment you will find that peace in that perfect giggle, the gurgle of happiness and that innocence
And then, just like that it will be
a painful reminder
Or what once was
What would be been
And what will never come to pass

.
'From the moment I get up
to the moment I get back into the confines of my
bed,
My mind is avoiding the inevitable  and that's why the begining of the night is always the hardest
And then is when you become the war raging in my mind
The lump in my throat
The tears threatening to break through this **** holding it together
The unequivocal deep rooted sadness buried here in my heart and soul
And the loss that fires through every synapse in my mind
And so I reach out to touch your hand and fall asleep with the ghost of your fingers intertwined

.
Some nights the sky is
awash with pretty little lights
Each twinkle a reminder
of your captivating eyes
The magic of your soul
The beauty of your life

Some nights the heavens
Mournfully rain sorrow into the
ground that is a million hearts
Affected by your being here
And within the same ones
A jagged streak of dysphoria
Brilliant, shocking and blinding lightening
Pummels down on the beaten souls below
And for a brief moment the world
is ablaze with you once more
There is no need for a
coping mechanism then
The thunder is the rumble of a
Love quivering in the pit of your stomach,
Feather strokes of tingling passions
burning somewhere inside
Always Requited

And there are some nights,
Some nights where the full moon
Bathes the entire lands beneath
With a guiding spark I associate
only with you
Moonlight of guidance, kindness
and love
And it's in those nights
My atriums burst, and synapses devour
all that surrounds me
And I weep a river
On the the land of my pillow
An earthquake of sobs
Masking the tell tale sounds
of a breaking heart
And I am reminded once more of you
Because you are my Ramadan,
So poignantly true,
and clear of a message
Of peace and unity
And
THAT is what  makes
you so dear to me

It's not just your mind,
Or your heart,
Or even your soul
It's the physical manifestations
Aswell as the poetic infestations
The clicks of your fingers speak the language of arthritis.
Ancient creaks betweens whimpers of pain
The wrinkles on your face draw comparisons to the arid, desert
veins of your starving heart
The canyon and valleys of your teeth show open carcases of decaying gums.
Your smile is LOST. Not the average one you save for acquaintances and work, NO. The real deal, the one that crinkles at your eyes and runs deep in your veins
The kind that pulsates goodness into your lungs. That simple 21% of oxygen flooding kindness and then you breath out 16 % oxygenated, Passionate, UNBREAKABLE LOVE

What is this cruelty?
That I look through the lense
My heart stuck somewhere
between my gut and oesophagus
Bile of revulation and loss
Tethering in my mouth
***** of pain
Streaming from my blistered tongue
Stomach acids burning my insides
Wrinkles mapping the milestones of my life

I weep on nights like this
The ones that remind me
Of what once was
Oh what could have been
And what till never come to pass

What will be
Is my heart will shatter a million
Times over
Thinking of your smile
And laughter
Just 31536000 seconds ago

I miss you till the pain quakes
My every
apoptotic
Necrotic,
Programmed
Cell death

It's already gone
These are rattling bones
An empty cage

Because, without you
I am just -
A
Dead
Body
Breathing

How do you move on
From looking into the abyss
And seeing all that love
Ripped from your fingers
How do you move on
With a life so broken
That leaves you with a
Constant ache in your chest
A lump always in your throat
Waiting to burst
How do I say
That if life delivered a choice on
Ballot box
I'd always mark the x next to
Your name

There are simple parts of me
That long for you to be here and see
Look at this pain etched on heart of filigree
Of which only you could have been the trustee
Waiting for a love in the great beyond where you hold the master key
A passion of which you and I hold an honarory degree
Because I love you, so honest and true, every single idiosyncracy
But I'll be waiting an eternity
If I believed that you and I can become three
Because that, my dear was never meant to be
It breaks my heart that this was your decree
And so I must now set you free

How often I look for you
In this expansive universe
How often I speak to you
As though you are right next to me
How often I reach out for your hand only to find it's missing
How often I ache for all the
Missing parts of me that left with you
How often I look at my own reflection and see you staring back at me
How often I think on this day for you
And your own lost celebration
How often do you run through my mind
Is there no escape to this madness?
How often
How often


________________
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Liar liar, that's what you are
Didn't your momma ever tell you don't say ' I love you'
Liar liar that's what you are
Didn't you see I never have a clue
Liar liar, that's what you are
Didn't you think twice before dragging a heart through mud
Liar liar, that's what you are
Didn't you realise you were consuming  my blood
Liar liar, that's what you are
Didn't you know you destroyed that single beautiful  memory
Liar liar, that's what you are
Didn't you understand that I just wanted to be free
Liar liar that's just what you are
Liar liar that's who you will always be
Liar liar
Liar liar
#HaleemaAAli

When you wake, the sun rises
From each of your perfect eyes
When you smile, the stark white cliffs
Of your mouth erupt with daisies


When you laugh, a volcano erupts
Covering the world with happiness
When you shout, all those around you
Quake in fear and distress


when you mourn for a lover
You drown the nation in unbearable pain
The dams of anguish break
Leaving the ground seeping in a ****** stain

If i ought to close my eyes one final moment,
I wish to only think of you,
You who fell to the earth
Littered it with colourful thoughts
A bright spark in a miserable world
You who decays beneath my land
And takes root in my heart
You who never escapes my thoughts
Not even for a moment
You who belongs here
Right next to me
From now, untill the end of times
Untill we are we raised once more
From the dust beneath billions of lost souls that trod this weary land, with lonesome bodies and butchered minds

We are all dealing with it together
sitting on these chairs side by side.
Therapeutic Counselling; it's that  general  motion
that  lonesome melancholy
Grieving people flocking together
likened to  the  Vietnamese phrase
'Same same, but different'
And every now and then,
Someone, quiet and
unassuming will
whisper words
That strikes
a chord
In your
heart

We're no longer playing those
single notes on repeat
Blame, pain, hurt and defeat
It resonates so deeply
A whole symphony erupts
In your lost thoughts

Dvořák final moments,
Notes cascading down your face.
Eyes wild, eager and hungry for more
tears, mingled with a melody of vulnerability of the human race

Beethoven Fidelio- an operatic shuddering possession. Body breaking, mind
astrewn. Rhythm of rapidly
crushing sanity

Tchaikovsky's Sixth
white keys masquerading as happiness overlaying the sound of
sombre black keys striking suffering
and grief and everything else  in-between in the greying colours of your mind.

Music of your
stricken heart lost in
the underground,
In these chairs next to you

Woman who also grieves
With a warm embrace around your body
Our wet shoulders
Absorbing the sounds of your dying souls
Until we're playing a single courageous lullaby once more
Heal heal heal
And heal we shall

I could spend an age listening to a your sorrows and word just to know your pain a little better
A millennia wiping away the furrows of your brows
And more so gazing into the depths of your  chocolate brown eyes
An eternity whispering sweet words of nothing to your  heart
I could spend aeons loving your soul before your body
And many more curling my self softly around yours
I could weep another miserable flood
If you should you break this communion, seperate us from a world closely guarded by passion
And i would drown in your beauty untill we stand before nirvana
A paradise built in my mind
Just for
You
For
Me
Just for
Us

It is Saturday 9th July,
She, being the strong willed one
Picked him up and said hi
Let's go for a walk, it'll be fun

She drove around for a while
Untill they found a perfect place
An ancient woodland that made her smile
And turned to the man that made her heart race

They walked along the windy path
Laughing and joking as they often did
Finally he turns to her and makes a solemn oath
That one day she would be the mother to his kid

She often did that, deny those strong feeling she held for him
Because somehow it doesn't feel right,
But that was the day she indulged her every whim
And told him he  nicest and the greatest

The was the day they admitted how they felt for one another
When he got on one knee to propose
When they knew together one day they would be mother and father
This was the love she felt from her heart, to her stomach, her weak knees and her toes

That's the thing about a love like this,
It creeps into your heart so slowly but surely
Before you'd even think about that first kiss
You'll notice how his man was full of chivalry

This is the man that would treat you with kindness and love
Who would lay awake and watch you sleep
Who's lips would fit yours like a well made glove
Who would only bring you sadness if he left this world, that would make you weep

I miss this man from the bottom of my heart
I often lay away and ponder about all the moments that could've been
Why my chest is empty with a beat that will no longer start
Unable to fall asleep has become my regular routine


My heart aches so so much, I can't even relay this into words
I cry a river inside my soul
But a single tear has not escaped
Unlike the caged birds
Of whom this was their only goal

It was the 7th of July when I missed this meeting
And again I missed it once more
For our moments in this world were brief and fleeting
But our love story will every book store

Khalil Gibran said it best ' love not knows it's death till it's hour of seperation'

My hearts riddled with bullet holes of hatred
And rips and shards of the bitter glass of lies
The savage destruction of hope
A dilapidated state of daydream
An absent mind lost in another time
In another life
I wish I could close my eyes and never feel this pain again
Never deal with the gaping wound in my chest
Time can't heal this empty feeling of loneliness
Nothing could

That first tentative questions consisted of ' what's the time'

' time? This time is precious, an enigma wrapped in a conundrum, where breaths are measured by enduring love and the sky tumbles down around the star crossed pair.

The human race awaits with baited breath for a passion seperated by worlds and dimensions to reunite and set the universe a blaze once more.

One more big bang.
One more story.
One more.

I'm not sure when our relationship shifted
From moments of laughter, friendship and sisterhood
To me making you angry so quickly
And it no longer being good

I'm not sure why when we sit in a car together
We do really talk anymore
Why we both stay silent and the conversation is with the people at the front
Why it isn't like it was  before

I'm not sure why my stomach feels queasy
When I want to tell you about when I feel low and sad
But I struggle to get the words out in your presence
Because I know it tumbles out the wrong way and you get mad

I'm not sure if I can even talk to you honestly and openly anymore
Our trust is wearing thin on cracked ice
Once in a while, I hit a thin part and plunge through
Your coldness penetrating this fools paradise


I'm not sure if sorry is ever the right word
It doesn't seem to make things better with us
So I often bite my tongue and say sorry to you to keep the peace
Each time I die a little inside because of the feelings we don't discuss

I'm not sure why you laugh at other people making jokes with you
By when I do you seize up and attack me
I feel betrayed and sad all over again
And I know you're too angry and won't admit it, because you can't see

I'm not sure if we will ever go back to who we once we're
Smiling and joking as we did once upon a time
This friendship that is littered with unspoken words and broken bottles of fleeting moments of solitude and  life's well armoured pantomime