I used to be sad
I used to cry everyday
I questioned taking my life
I questioned it often
But what changed me
Was realization

I realized I had a dog
A pet that would wait
For you to come home
A pet that wags his tail
When you come home

And I thought
What if I never came back home?
Would he still wait for me?
And  I realized that pets do not understand death
And they wait for their owners to come home
They will wait to see you again

They do not understand that you're gone
That you are never coming back
But they will continue to wait
With hopes that you will come home
Pets don't understand death

I don't need your sympathy
I don't need your pity

I just need your help

It's really upsetting

How the only time you text me
Is when you're drunk

How you get drunk off of moonshine
That you make with your brothers

How you never cared before
But now I don't care
And you do

You're so addicting
You're like a drug
And *******,
Am I ever hooked.

And I'm stuck.
Not necessarily in a place
That is bad- just inescapable.

I'm lost in you.
It's quite lovely
to be lost in you.
So I'm okay with being stuck.

British wield guns.
Americans threw snowballs.
Five dead.

I care
More about writing poems
Than I do about homework

I care
More about the people in my life
Than I do about education

I care
More about you
Than I do about myself

I hate you
Because I trusted you
I believed you

I thought our feelings were mutual
You told me how much you like like me
I felt the same way

I hate you
Because you dont care anymore
You dont talk to me anymore

When you died
I took it hard
I told you I had something important to tell you
I told you on Friday
I was waiting for Monday to say it

When I found out
I spent the whole day crying
And the next day writing
I wrote five whole pages
Front to back

Everything that reminds me of you
Everything I have ever wanted to tell you
Everything I wish you knew
Everything I should have told you when I had the chance
Were written down

And placed in your casket
I wanted you to know: I loved you

I'm always the friend to tell people
It's okay
I just wish I had to a friend to tell me
It's okay

My eyes have gone empty,
And my hands started shaking again,
The exhaustion it takes just to pretend-
Yes, all is well.

Whats a home? Mines become a prison,
When I disappear you will all see,
My ******* anxiety was eating me-
Yet I still smiled.

Lately everything’s so ******* dull,
I don’t know how to save myself anymore,
The wounds on my wrist are too sore-
I can’t breathe.

I don't understand how you wouldn't trust me
I'm the most straight forward person
I say whatever on my mind
I accept anything with a reason
I forgive anything with an explanation
I don't even lie
What would have made you think,
That I would look down upon you for this?

The silent treatment is the worst.
It is the worst treatment.
And the apology is problematic.

All because you don't know
what you have done wrong.
Because whatever you were doing wrong
you thought it was okay.

And since nobody said anything
you thought it was okay.

And then you get to silent treatment
and you wonder what you have done wrong.
You wonder if it was something you said or did.

And now you have to apologize
for something you are uncertain about
All because you thought it was okay.

You should have opened your eyes
You should have known
I was crazy about you
And now that you have finally noticed
I could not care any less about you

I used to go to bed
With a happy thought of you on my mind
And now youre gone
You wont even talk to me
Im going to bed
Feeling bare
I dont know what to think about anymore

I don't know why I still blame you
For every time I get sad
I used to spend days, weeks, months
Crying over you,
But it's not your fault
You were killed

It has been three years now
It doesn't hurt as much anymore
When I think about you
I still think you will just walk into the room

Even though you're gone
And you've been gone for a while
It still hurts
Missing you, when you're never coming back

The friend with a pool
No friends ever comes over
I'm too far away

If I could,
I would.

But I can't,
So I won't.

I already said too much.
I already shared too much,
and I want all my secrets back.
I hate getting close to people these days.

I always regret
sharing too much,
caring too much,
doing too much,
feeling too much.

How am I supposed to cut off
All the negative people in my life
When the only person who
Can make me feel like ****
Lives in the same house?

I can’t force you to love
or want me anymore.
That is if you
even did in the first place.

I've done some wrong things
That I will keep repeating
For the rest of my life