hadley

hadley Oct 2016

the day you stopped feeling like yourself
transparent window panes became frosted
with the cool heat of his disinterest
the kaleidescope of your mind began to retrace itself
praying to find a moment where you could
still trick yourself into thinking
that this was something
real
and i am left here turning and screaming
and praying for a day where i can feel warmth
that doesn't come from five minutes in his presence
i dig my nails into my skin because the sharpness of the pain distracts from the sandstorms in my heart
dry and hot and nothing left to give
i look to the stars and try to pray for a future
where i'm not still thinking about the look on his face
when he turned away
and the softness of his voice when it speaks my name

hadley Sep 2016

ode to boy

i retrograde my thoughts of you
until they are blurred into
an untold prayer
in which your eyes
seek mine
for once
and i feel an acute pain
every time
your smile enters my vicinity
something so disarming
about your everything
i pray and i pray and i pray
but every glance feels like sharp edges and champagne
dizzying and sweet yet a reminder of the hurt you cause me
by never knowing how much it hurts
but just one more smile now
it'll get me through the day
one more touch
feed the daydreams and be my kryptonite
one more moment
in which my heart is perfectly broken
and you will never know

i want to be with him so badly

#love #heartbreak #sad #heart #depressed #anxiety #boy #relationship #crush #him

hadley Sep 2016

e.

the feeling of you
is so visceral
my hand
your waist
platonic.
i try to distract with metaphor
words of water and fire
how your eyes remind me of
stepping stones
your smirk
a graduated *****
an equation to solve
try to distract
with anything other than
how your arms never seem to linger
like my own

hadley Sep 2016

8.29

bottle me up or swallow me whole
i'll take what i can get
absolute destruction by your hand
could only feel as sweet
as the moment my eyes meet yours
put your lips on mine
don't stop until the night is fleeting into sparks of daylight
and us
awoken from this daydream
and i
never want to question
that for one ethereal moment

you were mine.

#love #lonely #anxiety #boyfriend #boy #crush #him #single

hadley Jul 2016

misc.

fantasize about the veins in your wrist popping
like his eyes did when you said the words
"i love you."

grow uncomfortable with the lasting silence
within yourself
an itch that you can't scratch.
a self that you can't love.

know that though it may be temporary
you feel like glass has settled in your lungs
a metallic edge to the blood in your heart.

i'm in love and it hurts like hell

#love #sad #lonely #depressed #anxiety #boy #crush #selfharm #selfhatred

hadley Jul 2016

something extraordinarily beautiful

i feel my sadness manifest
i tear apart my hopeless heart
for a shred of what was once
whole.
i want you to obliterate me
take my very skin and bone
want the heat of your breath
to heal all of the wounds my love has left me

fill up the dark caverns of my lonely
with your condescension and beautiful eyes
thinking of you
feels like shards of glass
feels like the erosion of something holy
feels like walking the line
next to something extraordinarily beautiful
you are
something
extraordinarily beautiful.

loving you hurts so bad.

#love #sad #lonely #heart #depressed #boy #crush #him #heartbroken

hadley Jul 2016

you.

softspoken
i feel the simplicity of my attraction
elevate until you are no longer someone
who i can handle being
intangible
i dream of your lips on mine
rays of sun escaping from the corner of
that playful smirk that
haunts my halted concentration.

when i see you with her
feel your hand enclose hers
it feels as if
all of the sun in your eyes had been
overturned
a spilled glass of cough syrup
too sweet to taste on my tongue.

your smile forever on my mind
i shudder at the sound of your name
can't escape the effervescence of everything i'll never have.

i love you.

you will never know.

my heart is broken.

#love #sad #lonely #heart #depressed #boy #crush #him #angst