It is not completely destructive
But a deep dulling
I want to ask for help
I want someone to love me
But I cannot speak
I am muted in my pain
Because my pain does not matter

I watch the videos
Could have been
Dark tv shows
Or horror movies
So graphic
So ******
So real
Makes me feel
An inkling of their pain
Others remain
Untouched
Do not watch
That stuff
But I struggle
I want to know the truth
Want to see what
Nightmares do
When they become real
So I descend down
That dark damning
Corridor
I may not come back
Before
My heart is broken more
But someone has to look

I do not wish to denigrate any poet here. I know we are all struggling. My desire is to elevate the art form and in doing so elevate the conversations beyond the mundane. You are all capable artists with strange brains that can help build a better more beautiful world. Peace love and much respect to all my brothers, sisters, and others.

The wind bends the tall brown stalks
of some unknown plant that I
am unable to identify.

It is a poet’s job to feel what we never felt,
to be where we never were,
and see what we never saw

It is weird
but the words
will not let go
of my weary
worrisome heart.

How do you do
My beat brother
From grief’s mother
How do we fare over here
And over there
Is it all the same
I do not know my friend

Step by step
I erase the past.
Footprints
fizzle out
of existence.
My history
becomes a fog
of forgotten impressions,
till future foot falls
sound no more.

It is unfair to be crushed by the despair
Of unfulfilled love
But we all should know
As far life goes
Unfair is the only constant

It’s a shame
that I let my
heart break,

when I
should have
just let it
rest in pieces,

let those
pieces bleed
and set myself free.

I took myself to the dark places
Cold clusters of pulsing arteries
Veins running red and ready to bleed
Blade sharpened thin and ready to slice skin
Every time tremors of this pain filled reality plagued me
I took to these deathly fantasies
That I imagined and tried to die
But the razors were dull and rusty
And I never had the strength to
Cut through the physical pain
The pills did not ****
Only damaged my teeth and kidneys
The only peace that came was when I slept
Clenched tightly under cover and in between dreams
When only nothingness reigned
Little blackouts like small deaths comforted me

It has been so many years passing
But every love lost
Every love rejected
Has taken its toll
Chipped away
At the clay
That I was using
To hold my heart
Together

I feel the flutter
Of the wingless
Butterfly
Mashed up
And shredded
Flesh
Embedded
In a grisly cocoon

No Christmas song
No holiday cheer
No joyful sounds
To hear
Just melancholy
Madness
That ends this
Time of year

Her yellow wolf eyes
See me
The prey
Always naked
And breathless
Never living
Cause I am deathless
**** before her
Throat exposed
Flesh touching the tip
Drip after drip
Of her saliva
I make
A great winter pelt
For her collection

Hug me like the world needs it
Like you will bleed if you cease to
Like there is a beast inside of you
And a hug is a cure

This isn’t dub, love, or stair steps.
It is a broken banister touching free air
body falling over there tripping on myself.
Angry eyes fly by screaming out why
to that deathly still starless night sky.
Darkness consumes me and I wonder why
I smile sadly still failing but trying
to live a good and kind life.

The food doesn’t fill the hole
Does not complete the soul
I cannot watch enough
Good TV shows
To concede the fact
That what I lack
Is a consequence  
Of what I chose
Those who know
Those night shadows
Should realize
This party guy
Practical joker aspect
Is partially a manifestation
Of my abject loneliness
There is no holiness
Only a hole ridden shell
And I tell myself
It will get better
And with enough distractions
It usually does

The broken hearted
bare the shame
of seeing their loves
forget their name,

Lovers who do not
see or share their pain.

Gentle floating
flower petals
fall, withering.

Birds go on chirping.

The forgotten go on hurting.

Who can blame
those who do not call again?
Cause the lonely hearted
would not even call themselves.

I would forget you if I could
Let you go sailing away in
Fogs of forgotten days
But the sight of you
Would stir the truth
The breath of you
Would shake the memory loose
The touch of you
Would clear the clouded seas
And one kiss
Would bring back my broken hearted
Memories

We live in parting paths
Not knowing which way
We are going
Diverging roads
Separate us slowly
Gets kind of lonely
Till we come back
You to the old me
And me to the old you
But only in memories
Because we are as faded, wrinkly,
And distorted as we will always be

Nothing ever burns
Only space takes its time
And in turn
We turn
Like planets
Spinning
From crashing beginnings
Bending like sounds in infinity
Looping through eternity
Back to the biggest bang
We are racing
A mad ball facing
Everything
Every single direction
In space

I can’t control it
So I let it go
Watch it flow
Cosmic waves
Solar rays
Different ways
To measure
Tidal forces
The water forces
Me to see the sea
An inkling of eternity
A billion years
A trillion more
With or without me
I wait no more
Not an enemy
Nor a friend
Simply is for me
The beginning
And eventually
Will be my end

There is a certain anger I dismissed
Pretending not to be ******
I part from the healthy rages
Letting people slide by
Because I could understand both sides
But each time
Boots treaded heavily
Marking my back painfully
Spikes buried deep inside of me
Till blood was all that I could see
I tore the better part of my anger
In a desire to be enlightened
And in exchange for this enlightened change
I got a fist to the face
And a pink slip that said
You are not welcome as this place

This is not a world for romantics
Cause we love so fast and hard
And break so easily
And with every heart
That gets cracked or damaged
It gets harder and harder
The distances between loves
Gets farther and farther
Until the romantic
Is only a romantic in his dreams
Loving strangers from a distance
Because it is safer to love an ideal
Than it is to love the real thing

We watched her go to sleep
Sorrow will not keep
Her eyes open anymore
The procession line
Moves in time
Synchronized
To the loss of life
She will not wake again

I was good before I met you
I’ll be the same when you leave
But in-between you and me
Right now I want to be great

He knows her naught
So love at first sight
Is only an illusion
Superficial observations
Assumptions of her nature
And if he confesses
Eternal love based upon
Initial observations
Than he is either a liar
Or the most dreadful sort of
Romantic fool

The City is a strange circuit board
Powered by electrical madness
Populated by disconnected people
Who are propelled into a feeding frenzy
Of shopping for hollow goods

I wish I could see tomorrow
Clear the tears of fear
That spawn a darker dawn
The clouded vision
The lack of mission
The people I am missing
Because they only come back
When I remember the past
They only last
As long as I endure
So I wish I could see tomorrow
But I am borrowing tomorrow’s promises
To revisit yesterday’s loves

Well we sit until it stops
Can’t hear the ticking of the clocks
The clicking of the locks
As we lose all notions of control
Time sweeps us up
Space beats us up
Fill it up with stuff
But the stuff is not enough
Man this life can be rough

I gave up all my summers
Left my springs
Abandoned my winters
To my wandering ways
To my lonely days
Leaving was easy
Failing was harder
Giving up so much
And all I had left was
My autumnal nights

Life was an empty well
In which I folded myself
Scarred and bleeding
Sorely needing
Some relieving
Yet I was receiving
None
Believing
Even less
Would ever come
I sat decimated
Broken bones
And all
I waited
For a relief
I did not believe in

Watch out
Do not walk behind me
Cause I am holding back
The dark deluge
Of gross brown gas

Whoever loved ordinary
When passion is extraordinary
And conversation should be scintillating
Invigorating new thought and newer ideas
Exploring everything
Not ignoring the mundane
But delighting in the profane
And having everyday
Get better and brighter

I pocket my fictional paradise
It’s nice when fantasy is hand size
Fitting neatly into the interior of my jacket
So that in a moment’s notice
I can whip out my paperback
To fight off the many forms
Of malicious boredom

My skin burns with the day’s dusty heated haze
Swirling winds catch the dry dirt and hurl it
Like a desert sandstorm
Light grey and white clouds coming rolling in
Followed by their darker grey and blue hued kin
The sounds of thunder following them
Proceeding the flashing lightening
Resounding with a furious cackling
A dark natured storm’s strange laughter
All building up to the wicked water laden wind
Washing my work wearied skin
And cooling my six to six sick shift
Tortured and tired flesh

It has been years since my heart was open
Might have been an open sore
Or a sore wound bleeding profusely
But it was kind of happy
Dancing in its ignorance

Delusions were feathered pillows
That I rested my head upon
To sleep soundly through the night
Dreaming of hope and love

Now I love to forget hope
Sink deeper into that simmering ***
Boiling at two hundred degrees
Red skin scabbing no heart babbling

About false hope and fake lovers
Maybe one more night will find
That old light

The shadow boy
Was the first
Real thing I ever wrote
Was not a poem
So I do not know
Why I am writing
History like one
It was a short
Prose piece
About a teenager
Who was alone
Looking into
A world of wonder
Seeking love
Chasing the illusion
Skeptic
But hopeful
Hiding
But coming just far enough
Out of the shadows
To find out
That what he hoped for
Was never real
And that was the worse trick of all

Emerging from the chaos
The whirling mass of space
We are children of the human race
Darkness intertwine
With space and time
To form our conscious minds

Small pools of black water
Broken by windy ripples
See small fish swish and slip
Dipping above and below
Its choppy surface
Barely avoiding the
Blue bodied ninja heron
Named Leonardo

I do not know
If I have ever loved
So carefully
Holding tightly
To those
Whom Hundreds of miles separate
While pushing those closest
As far away
As I can

The universe may be
infinite as the
collective mind
of humanity,
but my current portion
of understanding
is barely measurable.
My place in space and time
makes me the opposite
of valuable or special.

Oh, humanity
can we strive
to live a life
of compassion?

If we hear
the elderly
crying and lonely
can we spare
a moment,
can we care
enough to listen?

If we see a stranger
standing on a corner
with a lifetime
of white hair
and pain to share
even though
he may be scamming
can we still care
enough to spare
some food at least?

If we stand shoulder to shoulder
with the disenfranchised,
the disrespected
and the disappointed people
who have been
discriminated against
can we look them in the eyes
with love and respect
and not add to the grief
that they always seem to get?

If we get the chance
can we be better
then the others
who came before?
Can we do just a little more
and be decent for a change?

The devil revels
in his wicked rebels,
those bouncing beats
and hyper treble,
blasting bass sounds
and destructive percussion.

I am going to drown
in the gown
that was grown alone,
brown and dried
from the leaves that died
and the seeds of death
that were sown at home.

What a monster you make of me
All teeth and claws
No heart to speak of
No love to dream of
No hope for a better world
And the beast emerges
The darkness consumes us
But it will only take one of us

He's a brawny brat
whose got bratwurst
for brains.
He talks ****
and complains
about less then
minor pains
while the whole
world is
going up in flames.