Missing you.

They say it ends
but I know it doesn't.

I have felt a slow change over time.
I have felt a few moments of freedom...
freedom from the crippling pain
that is dreaming of your arms wrapped around me
and waking up cold and alone.
But it never leaves completely.
It never will.
It ebbs and flows
like a river...
gentle some days,
ferocious and unrelenting others.

You'll never leave me.
Even when I am completely moved on.
Even when I've found other blissful happiness
like the kind we used to know.
Even when I'm old and grey.
You'll haunt me still.

Because you can't rid yourself of forever.
You can't rid yourself of what was supposed to be
and then wasn't.

Each day, I have to remember and readjust
to this new world
that is not ours together.
I know that many years from now
I'll still wake up in the middle of the night
screaming because I've returned to a life without you.

All my life,
I have been good.
Ive always stayed out of trouble,
always done my homework,
never cheated,
never lied,
and always stayed away from drugs.

But what if you are the drug that I cannot resist?
What if I crave you too much
and I just can't stop?
What if its too late now
and theres no turning back?

I know its too late.
You're in my bloodstream.
You have those eyes--
those eyes that make the wisest souls foolish
and the strongest ones weak.

I'm addicted now
I cannot quit you.
I am utterly addicted to your soul
and there is no rehab for that.

You stopped saying goodnight,
so I stopped sleeping.

You stopped saying sweet dreams,
so I stopped dreaming.

I know it makes no sense.
You are the sun
and I am the moon
and we were never supposed to collide,
but now that we have,
how am I ever supposed to forget
the one that illuminates me?

I can feel you
slowly
s
l
i
p
p
i
n
g
away.
You're strong
and I always knew you would fight for a while,
but everyone walks away at some point.
I knew you would last longer than most
but I'm not foolish enough to believe in forever.
Even forever expires.
It always does.

In the end,
there may just be too many bridges to burn
and not enough fire to burn them.

He cringes
because he knows she only smiles like that for two reasons:
when she's talking to him
or when she has drunk so much that she's forgotten her name--
and they sure as hell aren't speaking.