boom boom boom and
It's glowing technicolor grid lines
and points of pulsating rainbowdots
tracing silhouettes of wriggling bodies
intertwined with the cursive signature of
rhythm boom boom boom

and then it's cold air and
briskly-shivering-bliss-bodies
huddled in giggling masses
amassing intentions of warmth

I blink and step over a threshold
into a cute-house-cute-house but —

it looks oddly outlined,
too angular, out of place...
but it may just be that
my thoughts are curved
and blurry after a night of
bouncing around to
electronically generated sound particles
pulsating from amplifiers that engulf my body
in a bubbling-sonic-ball-pit jumping up and down
in sync to nearly-bone-shattering-bass leaving
every fiber of my being little jelly fish
going with the flow

It seems strange to be back amidst the throes
of right angles and forced aesthetics
engineered with only efficiency and
capital in mind.

A cute-boy-cute-boy with
long, dark, wavy hair offers me a
blue-pill-blue-pill 'time to chill', he says

He looks a bit like me and his hair is
highlighted with electricity
and he's me he's me I see

Baby blue pop ****
powder blue chalk.
Spit it out
halfway chewed
let it roll into my pocket
safe for later suffrin'-suckage

Now I've gone, over
and I'm out now and
there's a blackout in my
mind now black

My eyes slowly slide open
to a succubus staring into my soul
******* its contents from my pupils...
and it holds me there, smiling
until I am nothing but a
dried cantaloupe skin
sitting in the safety of my room...

I blink and I am up and moving,
leaving the room into a hallway of endless doors
leading to other endless hallways of other endless doors and
a shadowy figure, quite familiar, swiftly steps into one as I step out.
Gone. Was it really there? I step through another doorway and
in the corner of my eye I see the shadow return to the hall.
I step back and it steps forward and I step forward and it steps back.

I step-step through the threshold and
I'm back in the city.

There's six or seven others with me
and they all look quite familiar, they
all look quite a bit like me.

and we're all going
we're all going somewhere
but I can't seem to figure out what to bring

and I'm emptying my pockets but
my pockets are universes
endlessly expanding and
before I know it,
my life sits pretty in a pile before me

I leave it all and I leave...
I'm gone, over and out now
I'm on the street getting into my car
to go go go and I'm driving and
I have no idea where I'm going
or what the hell I'm doing.

I'm lost now and I wonder,
how am I going to be found?

Stop, park. There's a bus!
They've always got somewhere to go...
I climb aboard and it's completely-empty-dead-of-night.

The driver hands me a beautifully bound book of poetry and
it reads quite a bit like mine does.

Turns out we're on a trolley and
we're ascending the sides of buildings
and we're going up, up
and up into
bright stars
suspended in a
deep blue sky
fading to green...

WAIT!!!
We need to stop!
I need to get off!
I need to be somewhere else!

The trolley descends and we stop at the dead street.
Right angle buildings line the sides of the parallel lines.

I get out and the driver gets out with me and
all of a sudden we're dancing in the road!

LOOK!
The stars!
They are pulsating
in connected constellations
sparkling and

LOOK!!
LISTEN!!
You can hear them glowing
in sync with the breath of the universe!

We bask in their glory and
I recognize the driver
as a childhood friend.

SID!? Siddhartha?!

I blink and
on another corner
someway somehow
some ways away
there are six to seven people
looking quite a bit like I do and
they're standing and waiting for me.
They're all waiting for me, but
I've forgotten everything...
at the cute house.

One splits and now I'm three!
and it's me and me and Katiie
and we're going back to the
cute house cute house
but there's all these walls we gotta
crawl under and squeeze between
and walls we have to climb over and
hoops we gotta jump through!

and it's crawl under smooosh!
face-squeeze-jump-walk and I JUMP! -
to the top of a building and walk walk
and leap! down-and-walk-walk-jump
bounce-bounce up-the-wall reaching
fingertips-cling-pull up-and-over and
on-the-roof, walk-walk, jump-fall and
land-crawl under another wall and
squeeeeeeeze!

"At least all their blinds are shut," says Katiie, chuckling.

I realize I'm naked and wake up.

beautiful
feathers in
red-orange-yellow,
green-blue eyes sing as
quiescent chrysalis cracks,
blossoms into butterfly
blue wings blue sky,
love spreads its wings
wide open, speaks ocean  
blue-turquoise truth, anahata  
through lapis lazuli lips, vishuddha
a kiss on the amethyst-lilac forehead,
ajna to the sky, sahasrara
butterfly flew

A plant begins to wither
its leaves fall to the ground
and it drops its seeds

To some this may look
in its entirety, like death
but to others it is birth

A seed's shell cracks
its insides come out
and everything changes

To some this may look
like complete destruction
but to others it is growth

Breathe in
Breathe out

Life is a coalescence of
the Surround into the Self

It is a turning outside in

Breathe out
Breathe in

Death is a dissolution of
the Self into the Surround

it is a turning inside out

happiness surrounds the
cries of the newborn

Breathe in

cries surround the
happiness of the dead

Breathe out

foul bug
grab it and tug

you're a flyin' tooth
hockin' loogies

Disregard that! I'm a loonie!

Meow-cat, can't take it and
snap! goes my brain like
crack! goes the coffee mug
falling from the counter and
swoosh! goes the butterfly
flapping it's wings...
screech!

see
the
blossoming magnolias...

and we're all bubbling up
from the inside out!

we're left downright sideways!
looking for the sun to come out...

silver lining -
fluffy cloud,
blue sky fall,
hop skip and
jump! to high heaven:

falling... backwards,
in a grand attempt to
leap! into a pool of faith
from the highest cliff...

and when the tables are turned...
you are scratches in the vinyl!
skip, skip, skip to my
loop -loop -looping thought patterns...

Meow meow
meow

If a word paints a picture,
and a picture is worth a thousand words,
then what is the worth of a word? It seems

the fibers of the fabric are the words we've woven to create the canvas on which we paint pictures that are worth a thousand words;

words painting pictures that are worth a thousand words onto canvases woven from words that are the fibers of the fabrics.

If a word is worth a thousand words,
then a word paints a million pictures.

hey, whatsup break me open and have a look inside
a suh dood check out these heady feels but like
whoa bruh they tell me
simmer down
you're harshin that mellow
yellow matter it's no matter tell me something new
find me something else to say I'm a
fried egg in a skull here's some banter
gallop trot and canter I'm just horsin' around
of course it's not finely ground buddy 'ol pal
you'll have to crush it up yourself
if ya wanna snort it
but hey let's abort that mission
I'm just tryin' to chill in the kitchen
all I want is a nice meal I don't want
anyone to steal these lasts wisps of my soul
let's smoke a bowl and forego the physical
maybe think about something quizzical
something that'll bring me elsewhere
anywhere but before

scintillating cynosures
adorning your face
blossoming warmth
emanating infinity

fuzzy buzzy flickering light fixtures
court me for days -
tired, unlatched
and in a daze

broken hinges hang from
untapped doorways,
painted with
shattered looking glasses
and laces overthrowing
unseen faces
crawling at ungodly paces,

blind red rages boil over
onto sentient pages to die
on unlit stages,
reeking with rows
of rotting audiences,
decomposing millions of
masterpieces.

sleepless death
undertaken,
like a sorry soul,
to a hole new level
six breaths under

reborn into a dogs tail
clenched between
it's own teeth.

You are the art. You are the artist and the artist is love and the love is the creator and the creator is the artist and you are the art. The artist is the art and the art is the artist. You are love and you plant seeds of yourself. You plant seeds of energy, thought, and emotion in the garden of your life and you are the garden. You are the garden and you are the gardener. The seeds' shells crack, the insides come out, and everything changes, and your shell cracks and all your insides come out and everything changes. Tendrils reaching up and up and it is growing and you are growing. You are giving them time to grow, space to grow, and love and you are giving yourself time to grow and space to grow and love... to grow. The plants will grow and grow and you will grow and know that they will blossom and you will blossom and when they blossom they will blossom out of your garden and into another's and so shall you.

[2008, age 13]
Dear Self,

Are you here today?
The same person I am
from your younger's same
If you are here, then yes,
it is you and it is I

We are the same
and different

You are probably
a musician, an artist,
or someone who works
with their hands.

a poet, a harpist,
a person interested
in the fiber arts.

Either way,
we like what we do
and we want to do it

You traveled back
with advice and a
message

Keep this still
and think of it always

I wished you good fortune,
and I truly hope
it has fallen to you.

From,
Thineself

p.s.
Remember
The Rock

She was perfect
but she was too much, too little
a riddle that'll fiddle with your mind

She was perfect
but she was too little, too much
a riddle, touch tingling, her crutch

But I didn't hold her heart
like she held mine.

tip tap
tip tap
tap tap
dipper dapper
tipper tapper

mind the gap
between the lines
between the letters
in the confiines
of the context
of the next word
the last word
the next line
and the last line

and the voids between words are
plump with delicious mountain ranges

queries reveal hidden trails
born by the scurrying
of many a thoughtkin

rustle rustle

blue smile
blue hair

blue rims
blue basket

blue bell
blue

the sound of shifting gears

gratitude
longitude
gonorrhea
gonna free uh
my soul, I guess...
and by so doin' I
guess I'll be freein'
everything and nothin' at all

because it's all just a fall
between the masters
and their dolls and
nothing is free until you
take it but, guess what?
it's not ours to take!

it's ours to fake until we make,
'cause freedom isn't something
you can have, it's something
you can be, mufuckas say
freedom ain't free, well ****,
that's 'cause it's priceless!

so slice and dice this,
I'm a pretty rainbow Pegasus
sittin pretty sittin flightless
'til I can understand that I might just
be a rhyming hippopotamus
whose rhymes are unfortunately fatherless and
c'mon, papa, don't you wanna see where the story goes?
and not abandon your words on the side of the road like a dead rose froze crackle crack thorn ***** blood and I love you but I'm freezing and I can see you leaving like another medicine wheel spinning but this time there's no sugar and it's starting to taste a little too much like a salty silk noose around here, but I'm just a silly goose and I'm just trying to break loose because I'm a ******* water buffalo with ten thousand pounds of dreaded days weighing me down. So it's time to break me down 'cause it's orange jumpsuit day and that means it's time to play on Guantanamo Bay. 

Don't you dare speak about that!
Okay, I guess we're just a horse girdle saddle strap bit heel to the side and canter, but can't my blinders be at least a little bit smaller?
It might help.

i,
I
am real
my gender is real
my sexuality is real
despite everything and everyone telling me that they're not —
I am real as ****.

Maybe that's why you're confused by me.

Maybe it's because you're used to a resolution that's less than 8-bit.
Maybe it's because you're used to a pixelated existence.
Maybe it's because all that you can compute
are 0s and 1s.
***** and *****
lips and *****

Maybe that's why you're afraid of me.

Because you're afraid of what you're going to see in high resolution.
Because you're afraid to see exactly what you've been missing out on.
Becuase I'm not coded in binary, hexadecimal, Base32 or 64,
but Base∞

and I code myself in a language
that I am constantly learning
and creating simultaneously,
let's have an interesting conversation

...supurfluous, unnecessary, confusing...
words spoken by the able, the unwilling
to take a closer look at my pupils —
dilating in high definition.

In fact, the definition is so high
that you'll have climb from my genitals
all the way up into my heart to see me for who I am.

Yes, I realize that binary is necessary for the basis of computation.

But we're past that now.
We don't only have ifs and thens.
We've got ands, ors, buts, maybes, sometimes, always, and nevers.

We've got infinities.
We've got forevers.

the bugs and the frogs sing a cacophonous tranquility

take it further than
blue jay blue jay
sunshine on a gloomy day
my goodness I'm a mess
took my thoughts on a
rip tide lawl ride
tongue tied n' fried and
I'm sighing sighs of silly songs
over sickly sickles sicking dogs
of love on rippling rainbows
step aside, ego!

i wanna see your shadow
summer's soon anywho

bee da fee da fee deedledee
feel boo dumb da fee fee fee
see what you want and hear what you see
you'll find you're picking from a cherry tree
ickie fickle pickle picker tickle chuckle lemon pucker
naps and cuddles and jumping in puddles
playin on the fiddle I'm a monkey in the middle

Ponyo Kahlo
Siddle Widdle Cookie Wookster
Queen Maddie Schizofranny
Victor Victor Jackie Jackie
meowy meowy meow!

lying beneath
soft starry skies
between damp
dewy leaves
amidst crisp
crepuscular
symphonies  

with moonlit bodies
glistening, and filters
listening to dewdrops
dripping, stars drizzling
from our skin

sipping from
your flower
as we sing
flowing and
spinning in
trancelike
dance

What I feel are rivers filled
with droplets made of life.

Like water, life rushes
over stone, yet wears
through mountains
over many years.

Lakes are memories
met by many rivers.

States of mind
are crossroads,
cross rivers.

Which channel
will I flow through?
How many times?

How deep will
I let it go, before
it becomes so dark
that I cannot see
the bottom?

—

Along the river are trees,
wooden waterways.
They grow with the
flow of the river.

Each new branch, growing,
shedding old leaves, casting
new shade, reaching new light.

New life.

points of light
poke holes in the
fabric of the universe
connect the dots
an intricate lace

learn how to be patient,
learn how to be wild,
learn how to be hot, and
learn how to be mild,

learn how to love,
learn how to be loved,
learn how to stand for yourself
when push comes to shove,

learn to be your own parent,
learn to be your own child,
learn to be patient,
and learn to be wild,

learn how to receive,
learn how to give,
learn how to die, and
learn how to live

There is a silence
in the mist, hidden
between the little
droplets, whispering
rivers of soft words from
past lovers evaporated

thoughts
fly

like
Scintillating Snow
Falling in Reverse

Up
Down
Vast Visage
blue Sky, angel's Frown
isn't This what Heaven looks like?

no
wait

Imploding to Verse
Masticated Mind

Death
Life
Devil's Flax
Harmony and Strife
Exploding Flower, Without Wax

interlacing faces
dilate pupils as
fingers intertwine
between synchronized paces,
cold walks and kind smiles

I feel a tremble coming on and warm shimmery bubbles radiate right through me as electric caresses and magical messages cause goosebumps to rise like mountain ranges on celestial bodies

I like you, you
mystical water gazelle

you swing sweetly
the tides of my seas
and sing softly the
stars of my skies

Oh love
I wish I was a vinyl
that you could listen to whenever you wanted
just press play and let the needle do the work

I wish I was a vinyl
so you could gently lower the needle into my grooves
and feel the music flowing through you
that warm feeling that keeps you alive

but I am not a vinyl
and you are not listening to me
and the needle is flooding your veins
with that cold feeling

I wish I was a needle
that could numb your pain
I wish I was a shot of the purest *******
Oh love

there's nothing much to lose
and everything to gain, so please
let's put the needle down
and listen to the rain

oh!
ohhh thank you,
thank you great body,
great god! s~h-e's got my soul
embodied in earthflesh earthflesh
grown from warm soil sacred soilflesh
and redriver lifeblood's lifemud is flowing!
flowing through treelike neural pathways
dendritically branching
branching out into my
starflesh vessel
and there's no sense
in wrestlin' with myself!
My vessel vessel is
embraced worldwide
from the inside
from the inside with mycelium!

Mycelium!!
and I am a mushroom!
I am a spore!
I'm a planet!
I'm a particle! and
I'm pumping away like
waves crashing on a shoreline! and
I'm breathing inward turnaround
outward turnaround chillin'!
maxin', waxin' and wanin'!
pushin' and
pullin' it through my sails
as I sing sweet songs of sunfalls
and moonrises floating and falling
over the horizon like a
crescendo-decrescendo and
I've got roots!

I've got roots that stretch
to the ocean floor and I've got
a thousand pound ethereal steel toe boots
and I am Drinking in the ocean and
I am drinking in heaven's Reflection.

I close my eyes to see and
I remember to breathe! to
breathe slow and I can see!
I can see the keys as
buzzing bees in the leaves
of the trees dancing with great breeze
oh great breeze!
sway swing sway sing
sing a song singsong, please!

breathe it with ease,
breathe it with eeease!

mmm

hey, whatsup break me open and have a look inside
a suh dood check out these heady feels but like
whoa bruh they tell me
simmer down
you're harshin that mellow
yellow matter it's no matter tell me something new
find me something else to say I'm a
fried egg in a skull here's some banter
gallop trot and canter I'm just horsin' around
of course it's not finely ground buddy 'ol pal
you'll have to crush it up yourself
if ya wanna snort it
but hey let's abort that mission
I'm just tryin' to chill in the kitchen
all I want is a nice meal I don't want
anyone to steal these lasts wisps of my soul
let's smoke a bowl and forego the physical
maybe think about something quizzical
something that'll bring me elsewhere
anywhere but before

won't you play espionage with me
we can spin our espian eyes around
as we dawdle in thespianage
we can burn a bridge with a barrage
of molotov cocktails

Alone in a forest
of dying trees
the scent of wet
decomposing leaves

Morose moose head
Cut at the neck
I can see your years
like tree rings

Body
Split in two
Down the center
At the Great Divide
Flies boil up from your flesh.
You were fuzzy once.

I can't hold my breath.
Putrescence fills my
lungs with rotting death
and my stomach turns
upside down.

Stumbling to fresh air

I trip
over your grinning, toothless
nearly human face,
spurting seemingly
ceaseless blood from
its masticated mind.

It is only attached to the torso.
I can see where your legs should be
and your are trying to drag yourself
through the dirt towards me
clawing with your
twisted fingers.
Trailing entrails,
half emptied.
Fully feeling.

I'm lying in bed.
Sunken eyes wide open.
All I can smell is rotting flesh.
I'm peeking down my hallway now,
and I see many mangled hands,
reaching from every doorway.
Burned, bruised, and beaten.

I sprint down the passage
frantically throwing
pentagrams
like ninja stars
through thresholds.

I hear sizzling like
morning roast
drips onto coffee burners,
and I explode into the kitchen.

"Good morning! Coffee is ready,"
Mother greets me, smiling.
The hallway is
dead silent.

your soul seems droopy
half melted from your body
I love you I love you please
don't stick that needle
in your arm

I see the spirits
trying to escape your veins
they pull you to walk into
closed doorways closed doorways
slam
slam

open the door
and let yourself out

I love you I love please
don't stick that needle
in your arm

don't apologize to me
apologize to yourself

forgive yourself

let yourself go
let yourself GO

every moment you are blossoming into a newer version of yourself

you are not too much
you are not too little

you are perfect in the sense that perfect is an ever evolving state of becoming

and I love you
I love you
please

/here again
//here again
///here again
////here again
we're always back-
words going forwards
we're tripping black hole light benders
and we let it spiral in and spiral out
and we **** it in and spit it out
and we're a time twister and
I've got all my ticks and
tocks in a knot but you
pull that string and
it all comes loose and
then I've got all my
feathers in a row
weighing in at about
a thousand pounds and
they're laced down the
skin of my shoulders
and they're tied in there
with your hair and the blades
of my shoulders have sprouted
and grew and sometimes
they can be heavy

and I'm folding in
on myself and I'm
a fern growing back
in time and I'm the
granite gargoyle at
the gate of my soul

spread my stone wings
spread my wings and fly
unfurl the feathery fern, fly
fly forward fly forward
for words for words
for words

my pages are shaking like
timid dry leaves on
a brisk Autumn morning
I am a book heavy
with unspoken words
piled beneath countless others
a couple stains and a weak spine
it's hard to hold all the stories together
sometimes I'll find a page out of order
that someone's ripped out and
rearranged
The stories are getting shorter and shorter
losing pages throughout and

oh! the way that smoke lingers and sways in the cracks of the burning log

nope
find me split downright sideways
up the middle coming from a
different direction

take me to dead fish laughing gull with
sickly sirens blaring blue notes
up to my eyeballs

dogs are barking down my throat and
I'm a tongue tied around a
whispering jack-o-lantern
kissing a mask in the corn maze

push my broken harp around in a
squeaky wheelbarrow tell me I'm
lighting candles for the dead find me
the next day asleep in my dreams
in my dreams I'm awake in my bed

asleep in my dreams
I'm waiting to wake up
in the underground

find me freaking out
find me finding myself lost
and unfinding myself lost and found

find me found
grind me into the ground
under your heel toe heel toe
skip to my truth

teeth grinding like gears as
a cog in the machine I'm a
canteen of watermelon sunshine ******

needles bent and battered
broken and shattered kind souls
in the black hole and I'm asphyxiating
just looking at it

blood drop
cancer

and I still love

To give up that which you thought you had is to allow yourself to become with that which is becoming

I like to feel my weight lifted by the water

I like to sink my head
beneath it's surface and
listen to my breath

my eyes blinking
my heartbeat
in my head

I like to feel the warmth
permeating my body
releasing tension

softening jagged feelings

I like to turn out the lights and
lay in the morning darkness

savoring the drowsiness of the newfound day

The time before all critters
and errands of the day
come roaring to life

I like to feel the purr of serenity

hehehe
tumble roll
roll a joint and
pack my bowl and I've got
a bit of mental lag so it's a
little hard to pack my bag 'cause
I'm a little fried maybe a little
charred even, totally
baked, I'm a cake frosted
but I haven't lost it,
Sometimes I'm a little confused
but I'm still baking!
whole wheat **** infused
chai tea orange zest cookies
yummy sativa,
a dash of indica but
whoa!
mmm they're
dangerously delicious
and one, two, three,
oops! that's four and
one more, they're just
so good! if only I could
stop!
but yummm
sat nammmnomnom

in a room,
brimming
with people,
I am alone —

sitting at an
empty table,

sometimes, I wish
someone would fill
the seat across from me,
and by sometimes, I mean
that I come here every single day
hoping with all of my heart that it will happen.

but I'm a bride and groom
in black and white. —
I'm an empty beige room with
a spider in the corner. —
I'm a glance with
a deadpan nod. —
I'm a dance where
you shift your weight
without moving your hips...

—

dribdrab fantasy,
peripheral face

It's thirty minutes to three in the morning.
I woke up from a nap that was half a night's sleep.
It told me to take it further than the tips of my fingers.

Then the words swirl around in my head and get
caught in whirlpools going around and around.
Never really quite profound until
something changes
and the flow changes direction...
all it needs is a little guidance,

and there you are being a little sundance.
It's a cute inward angle of the feet,
ankles out and pulling on your fingertips.

I can't seem to write fast enough
to record the rapid vignettes
flashing around my skull.

but I'm dancing in the rain as
sheets of water slip off rooftops.
and I am wearing a tie-dye shirt that
will never fit me anymore.

a shirt my mother made me...

and my brother is laying
at the foot of the staircase
and I am running down the steps
and with four to spare I jump —
landing on his stomach.

a trampoline, I imagined

and there I sit, in my father's lap
out on the back porch,
with a bag of carrots.
I only like the crunch
crunch crunch ptooey!
my brother is wheezing on the couch

and my porch is covered in carrots

mm...! you generate an action potential in me

seriously, you got me doin' some
crazy ion exchanges through my axon

you got me spewwin' neurotransmitters
into the space of our synaptic gap
pew pew!

we don't have to touch to be
ELECTRIFIED
oh myyy
my dendrites are standin on enddd!

oh myyy oh myy my myelin sheath is very well developed ;)

this electrochemical transfer is snappin' like whiplash

FIRE IN THE BRAIN!!!

All year long the sun has strived,
to bring its light to life.

To rise and fall every single day,
through harmony and strife.

Through the Spring and return to life,
seeds are planted, grown, and nurtured.
Through the Summer and fruition,
fruits are plucked, prepared, and eaten.
Through the Autumn and return to death.
Plants are turned into the soil,

a returning to the source.

The Sun and Earth
Swing in celestial dance
a motion of merry mirth

From life to death
and death to life
a cycle of rebirth

How our legs are weary now
Our roots take nothing in
We sink into the soil now
Spinning with goofy grins
(I'm dizzy!)

Cradled by the mother
In the arms of darkness
The sun is still in silence,
in tranquility at rest

With a loving embrace
to heal the weary Sol,
we breathe out
in cosmic balance.

The night is at its longest.

The sun emerges
from the hug of darkness
and we breathe in the light
expanding within and throughout

The sun is returned!

Midwinter is here!
Midwinter is here!

Solstice wisdom,
spirit and cheer!

Spirits of mirth
Welcome here!

Spirits of mirth
Welcome here!

We are the rising sun!
We are the change!
We are the ones
we are waiting for!
and we are dawning...
We are the rising sun!
We are the change!
We are the ones
we are waiting for!
and we are dawning...
We are the rising sun!

To you,
I'm a braying boy
with a broken brow,
and a giggly girl
with a **** and no ****

I'm a sad silly circle
suffocated by boxes,
and a ****** box
without borders

To you,
I'm a pixelated picture
penned in binary
but I'm a runny canvas
painted in watercolor

I'm a two-spirit tupperware
all-soul riverway

I want a new pair of glasses
I want a new operating system

Give me a hammer and chisel
and an ever-growing stone
I want to sculpt it forever

I won't touch your
blablabla leftovers
I wanna write
my own recipe

Lemme show you
how I feel about
what you see

I rip apart your dams with my
fingernails and let the rivers
flow with all the ***** I don't give

I flash you my infinity
as I flip you the birdie

I don't care what you want

I am, *****.

sorry fickle fanatic
friendly fuzzy teddy bear
beetle on its back trying
to turn over with a pen
from a bouquet of pencils
bouncing ink stain firewall
bouncy ball

sitting on a turnstile
with tessellated tiles
counting liars for miles

I'm sorry if I'm being such a fickle fanatic.
Should I be ashamed? I am confused.
I just want to be a fuzzy teddy bear
but I'm just an angry beetle
on it's back trying
too hard
to turn over
and I feel guilty now.
I turn over and inside out
with the help of a pen from a bouquet
of pencils bouncing on ink stains
firewall bouncy ball
sickness
I feel uneasy

I'm sitting on a turnstile
watching the tessellated tiles
as I count liars for miles

shuffle shuffle click click

sorry girlboy
boygirl **** that
find some ******* friends,
you fuzzy teddy bear
you're a beetle trying
to lay on its back and turn over

try writing with that pen
you'll find it's a bouquet of truths
pick one out and run with it
they're all just bouncing
ink stains

You sit there on a turnstile
watching hundreds of your selves
shuffle shuffle on click clicking
you count yourself over and over
and you're the tessellated tiles
you're watching yourself
counting liars

crows* and vultures
pecking at the dead
cash-in-hand cultures
chewing on lead

water glass
shatter
sun scatter
sun kissed blue sky
blue love white mists form
god's ****** cloud fists and
rumble tumble fumble
dipper dapper dilly dally
rainbow mumble
splatter thunder
shimmer

bright light
dial dimmer
turn it down
let it simmer
turn it around
and stop

look around, listen
see if you hear the trees glisten
try to taste the motion of the ocean
and love the motion
love the motion

spin too softly trip on gravity
feels like a dandy
drilled cavity,
pulled tooth
waiting in the breadline
feeling forced like a punch line

I need to be here.

water drop

__

this morning I watched '
I watched the memories of my dreams
fade in real time
real time
almost like a fault line
building pressure where it's
cracked the surface, it's a circus
ready to spring up
buttercups
like us, at any moment '
earthquake blossom, paradigm shift
jazzy blues guitar riff
crescendo climbing, climbing, and
diving off a tall cliff
splash! '
can't miss
glass water shatter
sun kissed blue mist
rainbow shimmer
water drop
splatter
driptip
tap

I wish that for once my heart
would jump up off the floor
and climb back up into my ribcage
and into my chest

Maybe then
I'll be able to rest

Brush your teeth 'til ya gag
psychosomatic spitting
hock out your spirit
watch it swirl down the drain

flush your **** down
the throne of silence

out of sight
out of mind
out of mind
out of sight

Allen Ginsberg was a **** machine