The tendrils of your heart
wrap around me like barbed
wire,

puncturing the pale skin
that shields my bones like
a sheet,

some half hearted ghost
that knows the secrets of
near death.

I have been there before,
tangled in tubes, belly full
of Aspirin, blood thinning

in a hospital bed. Shackled
by secrets, a blunt knife
beneath a filthy pillow.

I have looked into the eyes of God
and found them to be merely
mirrors of

my sin

Half the man I was,
I enjoy but I don't laugh,
I hum but I don't sing,
I move but I don't dance,
I care but I don't love,
I am me,
but only somewhat.

Those words dance on the tip of my tongue
waiting to float above me
waiting, no wanting to be heard
begging to make a sound
but I keep my mouth locked
burn the feelings inside me
letting them go dormant
afraid of loving, when I'm so unloveable

I'm part of people I have known
And they are part of me;
The seeds of thought that I have sown
In other minds I see.
There's something of me in the throne
And in the gallows tree.

There's something of me in each one
With whom I work and play,
For islanded there can be none
In this dynamic day;
And meshed with me perchance may be
A ***** in Cathay.

There's me in you and you in me,
For deeply in us delves
Such common thought that never we
Can call ourselves ourselves.
In coils of universal fate
No man is isolate.

For you and I are History,
The all that ever was;
And woven in the tapestry
Of everlasting laws,
Persist will we in Time to be,
Forever you and me.

tell me the stories past, dear one
I want to cover lies and redraw the sun,
the swelling globe of our love
I'm your neighbour, not your pillar
we're dependent on the paradigm

different emerging locus,
different bare portrait for this montage of mine
I want to retreat into the heart of your house,
into the middle, just us two
I'm your neighbour, not your shield, and
we're dependent on the paradigm
I'll go the risky route
we'll make it beautifully chaotic, to return to square one
don't hesitate, let's make this now

-c.j.