“If you could be anywhere in the world

At this exact moment,

Where would you choose to be?”

I choose the easternmost point

Of Acadia Maine at sunrise.

Cold, salty ocean spray in my face,

Warm thermos of cocoa in my hands

And the promise of a new day

Being made right before my very eyes.

What could be more reassuring?

What could be more solidifying?

To know that no matter

What happened in the days or weeks

Or months or years or decades

Before,

Today, right now, at this exact moment,

It is all behind you,

It is all in your past.

And that sunrise you’re watching

Over cresting crashing white topped waves

In the cool breeze of morning

With the scent of dirt and earth and trees

Carried on the wind that also brings

The call of the morning dove and thrush

And Phoebe-bird,

Is the promise you’ve been waiting for.

The promise that you’re gonna be okay

Because today, today is a new day.

maybe i'm a lightning bolt, electricity in my bones maybe
maybe i'm the sun
light dripping from my mouth like blood
like a bullet in the barrel of your gun
maybe i'm a firecracker
because i keep on burning
no amount of water can put me out
i am smoke
and ruin and you are the aftermath
{"i'm sorry about that night
i'm sorry that your mother died when you were nine"}
i'm sorry that i never gave you a chance to love me because i am too broken
you couldn't piece me back together if you tried
make me your slaughterhouse
i've been told that i'm good at exhaling war crimes
nail my hands to a chalkboard and tell me to draw
put a bullet between my teeth and tell me to shoot
i will try to
believe me, i've done it before
you keep saying that this is real
for some reason i don't believe you
it might be because of the way you cut my lungs out
with your bare hands
i'm still not sure if i ever really trusted you
the last time you called me beautiful was the same night that
water began to fill my lungs
you whispered it to me with your hands around my neck
(i still have the bruises)
like i was your painting and you were just here to admire your work
when you kiss me it tastes like hate
like you rubbed your tongue with spiderwebs
i've never felt so hopeless
{ I'VE NEVER FELT SO POWERFUL, EITHER;
A THOUSAND THREADS OF PURE STARLIGHT
PUMPING THROUGH MY VEINS }
you were my self destruct button
i wonder if you know how many times i tried to set you off
(i wonder if you know how often i see you in the gap
between my teeth and my tongue;
you're still making me fumble for words after you're gone)
when i told you i could never love you you answered by saying that i wasn't real
i believed you
i still do.

If I could I would plant sunflower seeds
on every inch of my body
so I know that
one day
I would become
beautiful

I realized the only place I was looking for beauty was in the mirror
I looked in my heart and saw I was ugly there too
I saw something just as bad in my heart
**A mirror...