it's rough.

and sometimes i just want to
BANG BANG BANG
right into my thigh

until the curve of my pinky-
balled up in a fist-
sinks into my flesh;
the most passionate kiss.

and i feel it in-between
my collar bones,

and i feel it the faster
i try to run home,

and it moves through the dirt
screaming under my toes,

and i hate it
and hate it
and my hatred grows.

together
the first flower bloomed
with her sisters
we watched it waver
as storms weeped
and weathered
we planted more seeds
of glowing hope
wishing, one day  
we could see
it flourish
into a beautiful garden
we could explore
forever

arrested and defeated,,
my fated causality,
by mine own hand done in,
'twas the death I ordained,
when to the addiction of ego,
I did, did I,
surrender and concede