i think about you every day
it’s like your voice is on replay
but i’ll never get a chance to say
that which i wanted to relay

and it's okay
or at least i pray
my soul's at bay
it needs to stay

though to my dismay
i can’t look the other way
so in my heart, i will obey
and in my head, you’ll always stay

You’re not one of us.
Or perhaps we’re not one of them?
These statements place me much farther away from where I want to be.

Do you know what I find funny?
My room never fails to mirror my psychological state of being.
Like right now.
I’m currently sitting amongst my disheveled sheets and scattered laundry.
But I’m also desperately searching for my bonnet within the chaos.
And just like with my bonnet,
I can’t quite pinpoint what my thoughts are centered upon.
My bonnet could be anywhere,
Though my room is only so large.
And my thoughts could be anywhere,
Though I can’t imagine having much to think about.

Do you know what I find even funnier?
If I were to clean my room,
Right now,
I would probably find my bonnet.
I would most likely discover it under my pillowcase or behind my bed frame;
Perhaps on top of my desk or in my dresser.
But I refuse.
I mean where would I start,
And how long would it actually take me?
Yeah, I’m good.
I’m used to sitting in my clutter anyway.

I want her,
I need her,
I love her.

But I want them,
I need them,
I love them.

Is it a question of who I love more,
Or perhaps who I need more?

Maybe it’s a question of who I can live without,
But regardless, my answer stays the same.  

Why do they make me choose?
Why can’t I love her and you?

They are so adamant about me loving him
That they ignore the trueness of the love I have beside me.

Do you want me,
Do you need me,
Do you love me?

If you do,
Then you’ll let me love her.

Because I don’t want to choose;
I don’t want to choose between her and you.

I want you,
I need you,
I love you.

But when you’re gone,
Who will want me,
And need me,
And love me?

She will,
I know that she will.

So don’t make me choose.
I don’t want to,
But I will.

If me loving her keeps you from loving me,
Maybe I don’t need you.

Because while I will always love you,
I don’t want your hate,
And I don’t need your disgust;
I don’t want your animosity,
And I don’t need your disapproval.

If you can’t look at me and her the same way you’d look at me and him,
I don’t need you in my life ruining the bond that we've come to build.

I love you,
I need you,
I want you.

But I love her,
I need her,
I want her.

So don’t make me choose.
I don’t want to,
But I will.

in a state of absolute serenity, the world stands still;
seemingly surrounded by an energy no longer emitted by the chaotic tendencies of society.
the breeze fills my nostrils with a natural freshness found far from the carbon monstrosity of the urban world,
and the ripples, generated from such, travel diagonally across the lake in unison.
the birds dance with the waves, wings daintily kissing the water.
up and down they fly, closer and closer to the surface yet all the while making sure not to become consumed by the blue unknown.

i smile,
an unfamiliar yet pleasant warmth filling my belly.

my hands fall from my lap and my body follows, falling limp into the course pebble-filled sand.
the clouds are arranged at random but I can just make out the shape of a man.
my mind refines the image and immediately I’m presented with a toothy grin and well-rounded face.
i feel a tear slowly fall into the crevice of my ear yet my smile never disappears.
a whisper leaves my lips and the illusion vanishes though not without leaving me with a gift in return.

i flip onto my side and my legs curl up into my stomach.
eyes closed, I begin to laugh, tears still steadily falling.
i'm overwhelmed by his voice and immediately I feel the peace I’ve been yearning for since the day he left me.

drifting off into a deep slumber, I visualize the words gifted to me not so long ago,
the warmth of the sun pushing me further into an unconscious state.

Are you close?
Can you hear my voice?
I can’t tell where you are,
But I can feel your presence around me.

Where are you?
And where can I find you?
I can sense your aura,
Its strength indicates the proximity in which you reside.

Then why can’t I see you?
Why can’t I find you?
For I want you to shroud me with your essence,
Encapsulate me with your entity.

Only then can we abbreviate the distance separating our oneness,
Making whole what was always meant to be.

Where are you, my love?
I have been looking for you.

Reveal yourself to me,
Because I have grown weary of searching.

Every day I look
And every day I find,
Yet, every day I am drawn to question the authenticity of my findings,
Thrown back into another game of hide n’ seek.

But now, my heart is bound by fatigue
Its roots slowly grabbing hold of my body.
And nurtured with the soil of aggrievance,
They continue to grow.

Reveal yourself to me,
Because I have become paralyzed by my exhaustion.

But if you don’t,
I don’t blame you.

If I can’t muster the will to look,
Then I don’t deserve the right to find.