logically speaking
this is a terrible decision
and it's liable
that we both end up
worse off than before

red flags are dancing
around my head like pixies
and every interaction
leaves me feeling empty
and ready to cry

but i dont whats wrong
or why i want this so bad

but in my heart
i somehow know
it will leave me defeated and worthless

i want
to hear
you talk

it can be anything
just say something
to me

lets talk about the little things
and laugh over the phone
just so we don't forget

maybe
if i
say
something
you could
understand
what i'm
trying
to
say

it was a dark
and stormy night

like a helium high
an oxygen-deprived
emotional overdose
a blackout -
where everything is
gone (nothing matters)
but more vivid and real than ever -

it is a shaking
ugly-crying
bad-photo-filter
no breathing
no seeing
gross-teen PSA
feeling -
that i know all too well.

that disgusting
terrified
frantic
helpless
plastic

feeling -

was my worst enemy for years.

you can try
to bleed it out
scream it out
**** it

but it is you -
you are fighting yourself
and you can't win

but it went away.
and there were good days
days that i laughed -
days that i felt loved -

but somehow
those terrifying
angry
cold (but too hot)
dont-touch-me
hold-me-tight

nights

are all i can remember.

i don't get to remember
my tenth birthday
or when my sister was born
or my friends laughing
or my teachers congratulating

because my ****** up brain
is too greedy
and it ate all of those memories
so that all i have is now -

all i have is you
and i know exactly how you feel
and i hate it
because i want to fix it
but i can't even begin to know how
when i can't even fix myself

catch feelings
for cute girls,
pretty boys.

fall in love.

deny it.

let them hurt you.
hurt yourself, mostly.

get yourself together,
bring yourself back up.

but **** he's pretty.

colors
collide -

we are
mismatched -

bad boy loves
good girl -

bad girl
loves lost boy -

leather and
dyed cotton -

we don't
match

but opposites
attract -