Motionless
I stare at my past
as it enters the present.
A rush of cold blood
dismantles my stance
as I shake within the bellowing air
and mourn as the act unfolds.

Somewhere between my subconscious and hypnotized reality
I sleepwalk down the memory lanes
Amidst the darkness of a lost cause
I move in circles searching for something I can't remember
Is it the perfection personified or just my memories of you
A soul so pure and a heart so warm
A beauty so rare and eyes so expressive
A touch so caressing and voice so soothing
A fragrance so sedating and a presense so completing
And in the shimmering lights of your glow
I move my tremoring hands just for a touch
For a belief I would trade my chance to be with thousand angels
That you are real
But it was just a shadow I was touching
You vanish like the ripples in the mirage of uncertainty
And I keep following you in circles till eternity

I want to **** myself
Everyday
Every hour
Every second
And yet I haven't
Because every time the thought occurs
The aftermath seems to play out in my head

I don't want to be
the acknowledgment at the beginning
of a book i'll never read
  to my sister
  to my friend
  to my lover
  gone to soon
  i wish you could read this

I don't want to be
the sad news story that everyone hears
and wishes it weren't real
  a 17 year old
  young and bright
  lots of friends
  left behind family
  greatly missed amongst us all

I don't want to break
my already broken family
even if they are breaking me
  lost a sister
  lost a cousin
  lost a daughter
  sadness engulfs them all
  two families split back to four

I want to leave
And I'll never believe
The world loves me so much
That it will stop in place
Because I take my life
But even if
It's only half the truth
This idea of the aftermath
That would occur
Should I stop my breathing
I'll keep breathing
In
Out
In
Out
Just to see the world continue turning

-r.y.s

Old love says it all  .  .  .
Sweet nothings winter utters,
  .  .  .  Only words to me.

"What do you want"
I..-
"Anything at all, whatever you wish"
Her happiness.
"What are you willing to sacrifice."
Everything..

Grout in my corners
grounded up
Heat up the tiled car
Floored feet parallel
Sit atop my square
Then crack it down
Treat it like inside from here
Warmer in there together

I love being alone
I love the silence
Of all but my music
Just relaxing by myself
Alone.

By my lonesome
It's enthralling
I do what I want
I go where I please
When I'm by myself
Alone.

But it's not great
All the time
No, I want her
Here with me
To lay with her
Together

She brightens my day
Her messages intoxicating
I love hearing from her
I want to be with her
Together

I am alone
By myself
Please help me
I'm not just alone
I'm so lonely
Isolated

You can turn someone into poetry
But you can't make them love you.