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Boy
I scream my name with lying lungs,
Rip at false skin like this is all its fault.
Break mirror with too gentle hands,
Curse their slender fingers.
Crush girlish legs under the lie of my body,
Tell them to get it right this time.
Build my shoulders broad and tighten the thing around my chest until there is no more swell there.
Tell them
I am Boy.

Rip away lying teeth and tongue,
Sever what which would write me Girl and throw it away.
Dream of a day when my soul will not shrivel in its cage inside of me,
See in my minds eye a future where I do not hide.
They call me by an angels name, and I smile with my teeth.
My back is straight and I am whole and happy.

I am no river nymph as they would think.
I am something full of much more glory.
I don't kid myself to think my empty ribs are full of stars.
I know just how few of us are lucky to carry our lion hearts with us.
But if nothing else, I carry my words.
My voice may lie,
But my words say

I am Boy.
A flint axe hacks away at October
which is moving away from me
chips from the masonry
falling haphazardly

and a prayer in the abbey
as if that lot could help me

Limbo feels something like this.

We are all being threaded into one giant needle which is part of a sewing machine
to be stitched up and switched on to a Christmas long gone and we'll all make believe that this dream is the one from which we shall wake.

I take the Flint axe and chuck it, say **** it and get ready to work for the man
I am
Novemberless and
trapped in the wilderness
where
forgiveness is sold by
the litre.
Freeflow
You have built me up,
Brick by brick.
Than I watched these walls grow
Far above the line of my sight.
Only to lock me
Inside the cage.
I watched you walk away.
Now I'm stuck and I'm evolving
But I yearn for the feel if the wind
Flowing through my feathers.
You stole a piece of me,
And I've grown tired of this cage.
Never has fear felt so friendly.
As I tore down your walls
Found the key to my cage.
I opened my wings and fell.
But that ground just brought back the life in me.
My soul has never flown on its own.
You loved me to ruins
Now I shall rise from the ashes.
i reach a point of ******
and i never realized how sad it was
i never realized that i was actually
crying this whole time.
hidden beneath covers
friends in rooms miles away from mine
we’re all living our lives and making mistakes
but we haven’t been awake for a while now
i’m afraid.
there’s something about the muted twinkle
that brings me back to the soft lights
and the coffee and the microphone
and that first poem that
proved i belonged in a space of melancholy
because being broken is about more
than being an artist nowadays
i usually want to jump inside the paintings
but this one makes me
want to jump out.
a soft sadness that i keep forgetting is there, my goodness, i don't think it ever leaves
Wrestling with the rifts within,
Fraught with an inner turmoil,
I stagger down to the sea,
Seeking to uncoil.
Standing out on the pier,
Alone with the song of the shore
And the sea around me,
The bitter questions dissipate,
The draining weight lifts free.

Waves crash and currents move
Like gravity made plain;
A watery force droning as voices
Sustained.
The sound of this presence pulls me
Into a trance of fate.  
My reverie foments, my mind drifts
And my thoughts fly
Like sea spray.

Inside, I am dancing, daring, flirting with
Danger and teasing the tides!
Soon, I feel like I am floating above
The deluge,
Yet my courage abides.

I am in that place
In the midst of a constantly flowing
Flux,
But I am steady,
Held within its reach.
I am not lashed by the elements
Nor tattered by the winds…
I feel immersed in this dynamic
Field of hydro-power
And showering sonic sheets.  

This place has become a part of me,
For my heart has joined with it
And the two become one:
Pulse and flow,
Flesh and wet,
Water and blood
Merged.
It’s the rise and fall of
Centrifugal churning
(beneath the waves and within this body),
It’s the crack of a quickening surge!

In this bracing instant, we hum
In sympathetic harmony,
Confluent,
Entwined.
At this moment, at once, I am
Vulnerable and victorious,
Pallid and empowered,
Passing and present;
All of these combined.

With the lurking land mass of my life behind
And this mysterious, epic depth before,
My soul hangs suspended
Between,
Alone
And separate from those on the ships and
Those who tread
Beyond the shore.  

Behind, in the earth, I have been fashioned
For a life like the teeming masses
I see every day.
With so many years gone by, under
The wandering sun and the
Waning moon,
I have journeyed in vain.  
With the taste of dust in my mouth,
My feet are blistered by
The fractured terrain.

I am yoked with the weight of
Bruised memories, still unresolved
Conflicts in my mind.
That earth realm leaves me weary,
In black and sullen confusion, blind.

Yet something is calling me back
To forth,
Out from and above those wasted years,
Like so many fingers
Clutched around my neck!
I sense my flight and my future are found before me.
I feel girded for the trek.

There is an overwhelming need
For a desperate DEPARTURETURN!  
To evolve…

Then, within my soul and with
The salt of my saliva,
I gasp at a realization...Yes!
This is a chance to chart my course!
To start my life anew!
To face the epic depth of
This fearful moment!

To descend and rise….to baptize.  

Suddenly,
There seems to be mercury in my
Blood stream for it swells until
My eyes swim!
There is a cataclysm in my psyche
As the crashing ricochets
within!

My soul, my fears, my hopes and my heart
Are fluxing and flying wildly, like sea spray!

There is a feeling of being drawn out,
Like a force of gravity
On a current of inevitability.
At this moment, at last, I am one.
A willow tree filled with switches
The primary tool for a son -of- a
*****
Blue lake water lent her reflection
A neighboring persimmon tree to -
relieve hunger , a hayfield for -
needed redemption
A dying barn for blocking madness
A guitar to quell the sadness* ...
Copyright October 8 , 2017 by Randolph L Wilson * All Rights Reserved
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