I can look back
At least
At the good things
And smile
I know I can't
Be mad
I just hate it
This way
Why does it have
To end?
Does it have to?
Not now
If I can help,
Not now

"I love you"
Neither of them said it out loud,
But they both felt it when they gasped for air
as their tongues danced in the rain.
With closed eyes and open mouths.
With that angsty feeling of wanting to run
into each other's arms,
But scared to shatter their hearts
and bruise their knees.
In the rain they stood, they were electricity.

It is hard to say father;
the thought of you stumbles through me when I see
a Gerber baby food jar or a wooden pop crate.
Once you came to mind when I saw a Polish flag
on TV; that is humorous because
the only Pole I know is a pale man at the gym
whose left eye is shaped like a rotten pear.
Do you still burn your fingers when you
fall asleep smoking in a recliner?  I hope
you still do not trim your fingernails while
sitting on the toilet stool; that seems so un-American.
Today is your eighty-fourth birthday;
I hope wherever you are you do not think of me.

clad only in flannel sheet
her supple ***** partially exposed
gave me pause
as I gathered gear for the work day at hand
in the delicate pre-dawn glow
her pale skin seems a perfect hue
both enticing and entrancing
my eyes lingered ~

if only to be late
or play sick
options pass through my mind
as her steady breathing
and barely perceptible
falling and return of her chest
invoke a myriad of delights
none of which involve
going to work today ~

pulling shoestrings tight
and buckling a leather belt
I glance, once again, over my shoulder
longingly gazing at a her sleeping body
in the back of my mind I hear
the tell-tale words of strength,
“it is only a few hours…” ~

inaudible sigh slips my lips as I close the door
her slumbering undisturbed
my heart full of love
I am ready for another work day /

Close the door,
Firmly shut,
Hear it click,
Locked away.

Pretend I'm not here,
I'm nowhere,
For I'm not where
I want to be
So
I may as well be nowhere.

I can hear them outside,
Talking,
Laughing,
Love,
Happiness, it's never been so
Heartbreaking.

My heart is filled with joy for them
Yet yearns for the joy I'm missing.
Disappointment consumes me for my eyes
Are not supposed to be green.
Never have I felt so happy for someone
And sorry for myself.

I sit here lost in my own thoughts about the future in the most depressing way,
She asks me if I'm okay,
"I don't know"
I continue spiralling into my depressed dream,
I lye on the bed lost,
She lyes beside me,
I turn my head to look at her my eyes glazed in thought,
Thinking about her dying in my own hands,
She blows air on my face and I snap out of my thoughts,
She begins to laugh and I laugh with her admiring her powers.

loneliness is disquieting
it is an isolated battle
between you and the world
yet all you see
is a crowd
full of uninterested people
unaware of your war