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I don't want to need you anymore,
Sick and tired of you not being there.
It's not my problem anymore.
It's my fault, it's my stupid brain.
I have to imagine things to make me happy,
I get too **** caught up in them.
Well not now and not anymore,
Because I've changed my mind.
I'm not gonna depend on things anymore.
I've always thought I'd never need anyone,
Yet I imagine myself with people.
I don't have them and them I don't want.
I want myself and that's enough.
I'm going to live my life.
Take what is mine and maybe one day I will leave you behind.
Maybe one day I won't like you at all.
It's all good for me,
You're not pleasing, you see.
But if you ever change your mind.
I guess part of me will still be waiting,
However I can't afford to wait behind.
So for those feelings it is goodbye.
Hopefully I'll know what it's like to just friendly like you.
You fell in love with me.

I just hope you jumped.
Not slipped.
I want to be
an unforgettable thought
in your beautiful mind.
 May 2015 Gia Lim
Mikaila
You tell me you're empty
And I know you want my sympathies
My acknowledgement of the problem
But all I can give you is the gawking gaze
Of a child on his first trip to the zoo
Leaving smudges on the snake tank as he tries to fathom
How something could be so alien and smooth and powerful.
You tell me you're empty
And all I can think is
That I have not a moment of my life to compare that to-
A day without suffering, without pain or danger,
Without that or joy so intense it tips right back over into treachery
I have no memory of any such day
To draw from for empathy.
I stand and stare at you
Empty you
And I know your sadness should be respected
And I know I shouldn't wonder so perversely
What it must feel like
Not to feel
But I can't help it
I feel like I'm standing on the other side of glass
Staring into the beady eyes of a boa constrictor
Wondering irresistibly
What its embrace must feel like for the mice it devours.
I know you are suffocating
But I
Am drowning
And I wonder
What empty feels like.
Title from Future Starts Slow by the Kills
 May 2015 Gia Lim
Just Melz
we search for secrets
and lies because we
can't understand
the realities
in our
minds
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