How are you?
I'm alright I guess...

Where do we begin?
Maybe at the start of this mess.

Are you uncomfortable?
I can't say that I'm not.

Is it your past?
Well it's all I've got.

Do you still get nightmares?
Well I used to...

Will you let them show?
Depends on you...

What do you hope to accomplish?
I don't know... Peace of mind?

Would you have done things differently?
Everyone wants the chance to push "rewind".

Care to elaborate?
Let's just say I would've liked to be braver.

What do you mean?
I should've stood up to my father...

Did he abuse your trust?
He did more than just that...

Rob you of your freedom?
Let's see... His belt, cigarettes and also boiling water out of a vat.

Do you wish him ill?
I wished him dead.

"Wished"?
Yeah...in his bed.

Why "wished"?
Because I wanted that then...

For how long?
Since I was ten.

What about now?
(Maniacal smile) I am now... At peace.

"At peace"?
I have found release.

You have?
Yes... I couldn't resist the urge.

Urge to do what?
To comply with the voice... "Freedom...lies in the purge..."

You left your father?
Yes but not before...

Go on...*
Not before I slit his throat with a smile on my face as I shut the door...

i won't let them hear
what they want to hear.
i'll hide my fears
or write them down in
tears from a pen.
i'll drown
the empty pages with ink;
venom to the mind,
and then
i'll start over again.

poisonous lines.

while, "all is fine"
i'll say.
when in reality
the only truth my muffled words
reveal is in the silence
that follows.
and since the calm
before the storm
is my storm
and this garden
is filled with thorns,
i'll burn everything i've ever known
and surround myself with
ashes
that allow me to let go.

don't leave me alone.

ARH

You’re the meteor shower I stay awake all night for.

Bury the satire under pillows and sheets,
Why is this me?
Why is this me?
I keep reading the stories of older women who will someday be me,
Why can't I see?
Why can't I see?
In the glasses I fill with wine,
In the rooms that smell of pine,
The cheek that's touching mine,
When will I be?
When will I be?
I am thinking all alone
Calling strangers on the phone
"Hey it's me. It's me. Hello?"
I am reaping what I've sown,
Why is this me?
Why is this me?

Not for all eternity
Will sadness streak my cheek
Or curve me with a sightless weight
That bows my kneecaps weak.

Nor evermore shall I mourn
A departure so abrupt,
A constant fixture in my world
From it, so sudden plucked.

Even all time, so short and long
I dare not wish nor pine
Each blessed day that passes by
Each night would ease my mind.

But for a lasting moment
Each smile, each laugh, each breath
The memories shall hold me now
No longer left bereft.