I always tell three truths
And one lie
Or is it three lies
And one truth?
The doctor said
People like me
Can never be trusted
Everything they say is a white lie
The nurses said
I don’t believe you
As I swore I couldn’t breathe
Choked and fell down
My old medical record
Called me
Histrionic
Manipulative
Narcissistic
So lock us up
Won’t you?
Tie us to our hospital beds
Inject us
Lobotomize us
Electrocute us
Put us in rooms
That kills us inside and out
Scream at us
Call us pathetic *****
Who aren’t like the rest of humanity
And can never be ‘normal’
Only call us by our names
When we have to take our
Medications
Medications that
Shut you up for good
Makes the world rush in waves
While your speech becomes slow
And slurred
And when you’re done with us
After you **** us inside and out
You can discard our dead bodies in our homes
Where everyone truly believes we are
“Cured”
And your shadows watch us
From the corners
Making sure we are
Always silent

But I never will be
I was always taught to fight back.

When the Red Death held sway over us all
There is no pain
There is no remorse for life
Only blood flowing down lucidly
And don’t you see?
The blood is my haven
And I seek refuge in it
Every time

When he jumps off the 13th floor
Does he feel the wind
Freeing him
Or does he see blood oozing out
As his flesh slumps in it
Like a sleeping infant?
And he seeks refuge in it
Every time

When he cut his ear
Did the blood rush to his head
Or hands first?
Did he pour it into a cup
Or let it speak lazily?

Do you bathe in the very blood
That forms you
Or eat yellow paint instead,
Van Gogh style?
Do you let the waves brush you
Or build another door
That doesn’t tower over you?
Do you let the shadows watch you
Or do you sip your drink
And wait for all your hallucinations
To come alive?

And don’t you see?
The blood is my haven
And I seek refuge in it
Every time

Mimic the voices of the dead
And watch me come alive
Every time

I am Devi’s version of Draupadi
I laugh in the face of oppression
First, I let them stab and crush me
With a calm face
I let them purge my blood out
Like rubber from trees
I let my bruised hands and legs
Shine like trophies
Then I mock
Mockery is a clever woman’s tradition
Passed down like a river
I mock
Them all
I laugh while my ******* dangle
Emptily
I let their ego burn down
Ferociously
And even when I’m buried
I will laugh my heart out from the grave
And my mockery will haunt humanity
For centuries
And my dried blood
On your skin
Will never fade
I am immortal
Even in the grave
I speak.

How many days
In a month
Do you remember his legs
Brushing across your thighs
When you never asked for it?
Do you remember the smile
On his hands
When he pulled down your shirt
When you never asked for it?
Do you remember never uttering
A word out in a place full of strangers
So you pretend to be asleep
As he dips into your body
Like a mirage he’s never seen before
When you never asked for it?
Do you remember the sweet talk
Afterward
How he acts like nothing happened
Earlier
Like a clean slate
Do you remember running away
From a room that would’ve killed you
Miles and miles away
When did I ever ask for it?
‘Human dignity is stripped away
When it’s most vulnerable’
My body is painted with vulnerability
So it let itself be latched out and used
Over and over again
You lie down and let it all happen
Until
One day you’ll find him on the street
And rush the blood to his head
Sew his hands together
So that they can never smile again
Only I can.

I stand by the river
Then strip off my flesh
Place it neatly by the trees
So the mud can digest it
For their fruitful ambitions
Then I slip down to the river
My bones soak in
The air, the wind, the land
The flesh waits as it gets eaten
By the worms
I watch it all
And shout
“Leave no crumbs behind, please!”
Then the water enters my skull
The wind takes in each bone
And kisses it bit by bit
Breathing it
And I believe I have tasted
Freedom.