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 Oct 2015 Fang Xuyokuna
NV
01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself


02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself
 Oct 2015 Fang Xuyokuna
Ivy Swolf
If there's a way to dig a little deeper into
       a new layer of skin, tap into
something in our bones that hasn't already
       been analyzed and speculated by
doctors under bright white lights on cold
       impersonal tables surrounded by
an army of masked, gloved and
       sanitary conscious individuals-
a method of existing that hasn't
       been romanticized and isn't cliche,
I'd really like to know.

       Because in vicious turbulent cycles I'm falling head first
for things that have been worshipped
       so many times in trance-like
moments of adolescent anguish and
       pretenses of solitude seeking introverts that lie
to themselves cause they don't have
       the guts to do it to others.

Who the hell is alright behind a smile masking a cringe?

       And all the tropes idolized and hymns
murmured by Sad folk
       don't really make you feel special anymore
cause you've lost your individuality
       by stepping into yet another trap.

But then again hating all things has long ago been branded as
       valueless, when in fact
values are the only things you're really searching for.
I miss writing. I miss venting and trying to make sense of it all.
Feedback is always appreciated... Was it confusing, too angry, or just plain dumb? lemme know!
The sound of the wind is empty,
When you are gone,
And I cannot hear the joy,
I know exist in the sparrows song,

The sky of blue is hidden,
It's beauty I cannot see,
The earth is dark and barren,
The trees they bare no leaves,

The stars that should shine at night,
They have lost their flame,
The moon has disappeared ,
And the sun has done the same,

The words in the book I read,
They have no ryme or reason,
All in the world is odd and strange,
It is to me an unknown season,

I can feel the wind so haunting,
It is freezing upon my skin,
And the sun it cannot warm me,
Till my love returns again.

RLB
Can't wait for my wife to get back from her four day trip to visit our daughter.
I am lost without her.
kisses, laughter, heartbeat,
fast, faster, . . . breathe.
Stars are thrown
out of order,
frisky looks and
destined lifes.

yelling, sadness, silence,
quiet, quieter, . . . breathe.
Stars are smashed
out of sight,
scornful looks and
destined lifes.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you met someone who has the potential to be your future life partner;
Only to find out that fate will separate you from each other.

It's like you can't do anything about it because after all,
Everything is out of our control.

Too much overthinking, our hearts are aching;
But some things can only be made known by waiting.

I know it could be tough,
But I'm praying we'll meet again soon enough.

Whether I would be a lover or even just a friend,
I'd still be happy as long as you're there 'till the end.

If you are really the one for me, you'll still be there when the time is right;
But now we can't go against fate and put up a fight.

All that's left for us to do is to surrender and leave it all up to the author of life;
And I know by growing apart we can still survive.

When love is real it won't be gone even if we can't be with each other or make a move right now;
Let's just wait until destiny can allow.

Wouldn't it be ironic if the same thing that set us apart...
Would also be the one that will bring us back together with a complete and more matured heart.
I have someone in mind when I made this. You know already who you are. :'>
You send shivers down my spine when you walk in,
Cause the butterflies to flutter like mad.
When you look in my eyes,
You burn right through me.
You are the sunshine when my skies are clouded,
The light when I can't find the good in the world.
I could be all that you need,
You are all that I want.
My stomach knots when you are next to me,
You make me nervous and giddy.
I smile at the thought of you,
Quake in your presence.
You have all control over me,
And you don't even know it.
Music I heard with you was more than music,
And bread I broke with you was more than bread;
Now that I am without you, all is desolate;
All that was once so beautiful is dead.

Your hands once touched this table and this silver,
And I have seen your fingers hold this glass.
These things do not remember you, beloved,--
And yet your touch upon them will not pass.

For it was in my heart you moved among them,
And blessed them with your hands and with your eyes;
And in my heart they will remember always,--
They knew you once, O beautiful and wise.
One day you'll grow up
And your eyes will stop reflecting galaxies
And start reflecting the weather.
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