driven and driving
to penetrate your darkness
to explore your depth

I am breathing
But the air does not
Fill my lungs
Days overlap and melt
Into each other,
Life is slipping like sand
Through the hour glass
I am running out of time
Thoughts of life flash
By my eyes and linger
Closing my eyes,
A familiar gory picture is plastered
On the tip of my eyelids,
I lose inner perspective
As 'Russian Roulette' fades
Back through the speakers,
You know it's messed up when you
Can start relating to that ****
A brush of death,
One flimsy stroke,
On a vast canvas
The remnants of my conscious surrenders
And a lifeless body lies there.
It's lonely you know,
Having so many mental
Disorders reside in you,
Each fighting for survival
And
You can’t make sense of the noise invading your mind like the pungent
Odor of sacrificials
The sound of my voice
Is fading like the echo of sirens Vibrating in a storm
Of dust and sand
Leaving my heart semi dead
Everyday I get up
Pretending not to care,
Pretending not to fall apart
Permitting excuses and lies
It's easier this way,
Pretending not to feel
The strings holding me
Together loosening,
Not to notice my soul
Sinking into the ground
To shake awake the bodies of
Those long buried to help
I am a breathing corpse
Doesn't anybody see?
Don't they see the strange lines
Outlining my brown skin, or
The scars circling my eyes?
Time stands still,
Clutching to the dances
Of sleepless nights
And my nocturnal eyes
Do not see
Anything beyond moonlight
Like they used to.
I am rattling confessions
Disguised in rituals
Of last rites, these words
Floating through my mind
Just let me write them out,
Let me write away

You might just be the most comfortable person in the world.
I leaned up against you
so that I could feel your heartbeat
and so that my head would rise and fall with your chest.
Your breath was warm on my head.
You pulled me closer
and
hesitantly
put your arm across my chest.
I could hear your heartbeat
perfectly in time with mine
And I swear
in that moment we were infinite.

I'd like to believe that soulmates are forever.
That you can fall in love with someone
who is meant perfectly for you.
Someone whose body fits next to yours
like two pieces of a puzzle.
Who curves in all the right places
to fit in to the gaps between your heartstrings.

A soulmate isn't forever.

But
there is a kind of intimacy that comes with being a soulmate
and it's so much more than just ***
or skin on skin
with clothes on the floor
and the lights turned way down low
and tangled sheets and secret smiles.
It's an intimacy that comes with knowing
their hopes and dreams and secrets
and
having a deep connection that can't be replaced.

Soulmates aren't forever.
But oh, how I wish they were.