I can write about all the ways we miscommunicate
Words and phrases and lack of response
Blank faced with no sense of emotion or displays of affection
Unsure of whatever spectrum we're on
But if we even are on the same one, we're on opposite sides
It's funny how I can bleed out through pen ink but I can't ever seem to annunciate
My words won't translate into how I feel to anyones face and yours is no exception in this case
Barriers I feel terrified to get through
The break downs are rough and like milk you had in the fridge for months
You forgot it was there but when you find it it's spoiled

Isn't it scary
how powerful you are?
Your ability to
smile with
a broken heart,
scarred past,
and a shredded soul.

Yet, you have
the audacity to
look down
and say
you're not
strong enough.

Where bathes you the morning dew
lights you the sun
colors you the dawn's hue
a moment newly begun.

Where shelters you the blue sky
soaks you the rain
lets out your heart's cry
words shape your pain.

Where dazzles you the sunshine
glooms end of day
hope is the silver line
living the only way.

Where gnaws you the sorrow's worm
runs you the smile
speaks to you the soul's calm
happiness is only a mile.

Affection is
a place of warmth and safety
where joy and fun collide
in an idea of future

Love is
unremitting emotion erupting
boiling flames of possible pain
a wondrous burning heat

Fear is
knowing you'll die alone and forgotten
discovered as a corpse years later
when neighbours complain about the mail

Joy is
being lost in a single moment
the unexpected laugh of being alive
a passing radiant smile

Depression is
a black tar bog
dragging you down
where even screams are drowned

Loneliness is
the unfortunate idea that
if i don't smile now
i won't get another chance

Happiness is
finding that memory
that will make me laugh
no matter the situation

Horror is
waking from my dreams
to find they're not real
and having to face this world

Self loathing is
the constant critique
and lists of all my faults
running through my head

Relief is
knowing it is only a few hours
i can sleep again
and lose myself in dreaming

Frustration is
when my head hits the pillow
and eyes drift close
but the mind will not let go

Strength is
waking up a normal unremarkable person
seeing all the pain the day will bring
and trying to make sure someone else will smile

Hope is
that there is someone out there
that i might meet today
that can make me smile

Bravery is
looking in the mirror standing tall
to brace my shoulders against this life
and making sure i make someone laugh today.

Don't get lost in my eyes
I don't want you there,
Don't steal a kiss
It's mine, and wouldn't be fair,
And don't you dare take my heart,
It would be foolish to start
And then would just hurt
In a hole filled with air
And then I'd be empty
And you wouldn't care
So stay out of my head,
**I don't want you there

I just felt myself die

And every second afterwards was a reminder

Flesh is not as tempting as you made it seem

It just is a mark that escapes notice


And today I watched a suicide

Written cleanly between the lines of poetry

There were enough reason to leave me gasping

Sharing the panicked desperation of their loved ones mourning

It was pretty to watch them degrade

Their sawdust imprinted on skin

I was told to take it standing up

Far away from the floor I was tempted to decay upon

At attention I couldn’t help but to stop, drop, and roll


I learned to keep myself safe before I learned my name

Lost in translation through the years

My priorities shifted from existing to pretending I wasn’t inside my skin