What do I live for?
I live for love.
I live for tranquility
I live for things that come easily
I live for imperfection
I live for living
I live for nothing more than that
So why do people still try to change me

I crave emotion like I crave pizza
But I can't have it
I can't let myself devour every ounce of love that comes my way
I can't become dependent on the infamous L word that has broken me
I'm emotionally anorexic,
But sometimes I'm bulimic
Sometimes I'll hunt down my prey, and **** them dry of their love
I'll crave it until I'm stuffed full, and then I'll purge it out
I'll tell them I hate them,
I'll tell them to leave forever
I'll push them away until I'm broken and sad and alone
And anorexic again
Until I'm back where I belong, in the corner of my room
Crying, sobbing, craving affection, but not letting myself have it
Because I don't want to be fat with lust
I can't gain a single pound because if I do
I'll be weak.

I don't miss the lightheadedness
I don't miss the fatigue
I don't miss the secrets
I don't miss the planning
I don't miss the fixation, the obsession
I don't miss the emptiness

But

I do miss the willpower I used to have

Fingernails tearing off skin
Digging into flesh
That red sticky liquid
dripping down my wrist
my teeth sink in
stabbing mercilessly
viciously with my canine teeth
Strawberries taste delightful!

I have never met a boy
brave enough to say hello to me first
just out of the blue
because he liked me
and now I realize
that would be because
I am not worth noticing
im not the type of girl
boys fall for
or the type that boys
want to say hello to