I just... I don’t want to be alone anymore
I just want to know for once in my life
What a man’s loving embrace feels like
I just want to know what it’s like
To press our lips together and kiss
I just want to know love is an option for me
I just want to know what it’s like...

I’m angry with love
I thought I’d finally found it
Even with red flags in the air

I’d gone so long
Wondering if I could be loved
Needing to be loved
And I... I was so desperate
To mistake the mess that I’d made
For love

I just... I needed it...
I wanted it so badly...
That when I saw a chance
For any real kind of connection
I threw everything I had at it
I barreled past the warning signs
And all the caution tape
For that chance
That impossible chance



And it broke me.

For a moment
I’m free
The darkness, the cold
It releases its grip
I have energy, I can feel
And as I finally am ready
To do something good for myself
It pulls me in tight
And promises never to let go again

I don’t know if I want you
I don’t have any clue if you’d want me
But I know I need someone
So... let’s see where it goes, shall we?

I think I’d very much like
To twist myself into a ball
To fold in on myself
And vanish from existence

I crave love like I crave *****
I just want something
To make me feel okay
To keep me from thinking
To distract me
To mask the pain
To run from myself
To feel alright about myself
Even just for a while

I can’t seem to distract myself long enough
From the gaping, bleeding hole in my heart
Because I don’t have it in me to make friends
I can’t seem to manage to keep the few I find
So here I am, dreadfully alone again
Wondering how I’m going to hide from that fact
Just a little bit longer