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Emma Brigham Apr 2016
Today I was standing in my kitchen looking out the window at the bird feeder and I leaned forward enough so that my forehead lightly touched the glass.
I saw my breath fog the glass so I stepped back to avoid making a mess, watching the frosted moisture recede like a bulls-eye getting further and further away
and I sighed with relief, I don't know why, until I noticed my forehead
my body, had left a mark of its own.

I stared at the little greasy patch until I was compelled to bring my hand to my forehead, which was dry, or maybe felt that way because it matched the moisture of my hand,
but either way I didn't believe the mark on the glass even as I examined it, smudged it with my thumb.

And then I thought of finding my hair woven in the fibers of the sofa, in my cup of coffee, laced between the e and the f on the keyboard.
I thought of how each time I take a shower, before shutting off the water the last thing I do is to run my fingers through my hair,
and collect all the ones that have detached themselves from my hot scalp.
Sometimes I come away with one or two but often my hand is webbed with them and I collect them on the wall  where they stick so nicely because they are wet.
Looking at the coils of hair, bark and honey colored on the white tile
I imagine how many have escaped down the drain into the collective waste
where they will degrade in however many decades.
Emma Brigham Apr 2016
Oh, boredom
Oh, anti-muse that makes
my brain feel like pea soup,
not the kind of pea soup with bits of savory ham floating
beneath the surface like little treasures.
Really I enjoy pea soup but I'd rather
my brain not feel like food,
a most controversial subject.
Oh, but give me controversy,
be un-still my heart.
Give me a floor to sweep
a public figure to despise
a novel to write
give me someone to love.
Or else I am left listing dog breads alphabetically
and I always miss some of the b's because
there are so many:
basenji, Bernese mountain dog, is rarely found on a mountain,
bloodhound, Boston terrier, bouvier.
Or else I am left counting the shades of
green in a forest, too many to count once you
start paying attention.
As many as the number of days
it takes for a friend to become a lover,
as many as the number of traffic cones in the city of Boston.
Emma Brigham Apr 2016
Man
So
My thoughts are consumed by you
man who I hardly know
man whose name sounds like a cartoon dinosaur
man who is twenty years my elder
man who likes the company of other men.

Man who plants vegetables and herbs in his backyard
whose brother died in an accident six years ago
man who wears wire-rimmed glasses
and keeps his pepper-flecked hair combed neatly in a part.

I hope you will forgive me for being so forward
because your name has no business rolling off my tongue
when I am driving alone in my car
and the thought of you has no right to cast a smile on my face
like a reflex
natural and involuntary.

But I couldn't go another day
without saying I am not in love with you but you make me feel
something.
A lukewarm sentiment, I know, but you are fire
rushing down my throat
and not filling me up
and leaving my heart wanting (more).

Man who is neither short nor tall, thin nor fat
who keeps surplus basil in his freezer
man whose face I imagine so often I can no longer see
man who my hands so badly want to touch
man who will never love me.

I just wanted to let you know.
Emma Brigham Mar 2016
A bleak day
and bleaker still
Rain pocks the pavement
and my windowsill

Come heavy winds tonight
they say
casting eerie shadows
as the trees will sway

The earth will shake
with thunder and doubt
But make no mistake
That's what life is about

Each storm brings the promise
of life and decay
You may die tomorrow
oh, but you're alive today

And when fear holds you
and darkness persists
please remember, my dear
that true love exists
Emma Brigham Mar 2016
How can it be
that your face isn't mine?
Why do I love
when the tree bears no fruit?
A glance, a few words
I am permitted, maybe
but to run my fingers through your peppered hair
would be such a lovely thing.

I think my heart would break
if I could hold you tightly
atop rumpled bedsheets in February sunlight
carved from my desire
drinking a cup of you
filling me up.
That would be such a lovely thing.

If I could glimpse the kaleidoscope
it would sustain me
knowing the sun will still set.
Emma Brigham Mar 2016
History, beaten empty and dry
brings a warning I cannot carry out
And I love you but it’s not enough to hold onto
screaming with no release until
my throat is sore and I have swallowed all our memories
but I am not full.

Dreams are tangled in your hair, shining
from the rims of your glasses
I see myself,
a blessing and a curse I am to keep
stuck in a bottle shattered by truth--
I am awake and I cannot see you when I try
to hear your voice, gravel
under my bear feet but so lovely
like a memory of summer.

You are so plain but I am lit up inside, flickering
like a flame
and its wax is running down.
I won’t love you forever but I’ll try to capture you
in my head
while we are still here, together
and kiss you between your eyes
in a memory that I conceived
but was never born.
Emma Brigham Mar 2016
Hand in hand
to an unknown land
that's where we must go.
Where a bee's sudden sting
is a wonderful thing
and the stars are always aglow.

Face to face
in our secret place
that's where I wish I could be.
Where poison can heal
and beauty is real
where birds kept in cages are free.

How I wish I could go
and then you would know
how deeply I love you my dear.
But a lie is a lie
and as hard as I try
a bee sting still hurts
and no number of words
Will help this bird fly from here.
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