We are never the same person twice.
"Now" ends as soon as the word is uttered;
whoever we are in one breath
flickers and fades in the next
until it is a thing of the past,
a guttering candle.

We are never the same person twice.
I promised myself I'd never fall for a smoker.
You promised yourself you'd never smoke.
And we swore to each other we were not promise-breakers.
So tell me,
when I first saw you with
the ****** thing
between your fingers,
why did I so badly crave
the taste of nicotine
as long as it meant
your lips against mine?
And why was I willing to risk
entering your carcinogen-filled haze
just to be near enough
to hold your hand?

You turned me against my own self,
yet I could not bring myself to hate you.
You could not bring yourself to love me,
though I've given you all the reasons to.

We are never the same person twice.
Yet we are not always so volatile.
I constantly find myself on my knees.
I am constantly digging through our ashes,
Searching for embers that must still be there.
I constantly find you towering above me.
You are constantly pacing around in your drenched shoes,
Blindly extinguishing everything we could ignite
With your saltwater tears I know will never be for me.

We are never the same person twice.
I await the morning this actually feels true.
The morning I wake up a version of me
That is no longer in love with every version of you.

I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back.

Then, that day arrived and it was so **** hard but the next was harder. I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse, and I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time.

Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I pick up your favorite coffee mug, whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile.

I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, **when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheet, I begin to lose you all over again.

I don't know if I want you,* he says. But I do know I don't want anyone else to have you.

It wasn't good enough, I knew that. Honestly, I did. In my mind it was crystal clear. My heart however, was having a serious case of selective hearing. All it heard was, I don't want anyone to have you. And within that---was a glimmer of hope, a spark of optimism.

How shall I begin?
You caught my eye the first time i met you in the cafe.
We were playing cards, everything about you just fascinates me.
Your hair? Haha. No mainly your personality intrigued me. Alot.
Your intelligience made me inferior. I liked that.
Sometimes I wish you knew how much of a unique gem you are to everyone around you.
You forget how special you are in the eyes of those who care for you. You're selfish. You're just a lost soul. Drowned in your delusional sadness. I'm so mad at you.
Most importantly I wished you knew how much you meant to me.
I know I'm a reckless rebel,I say brutal honest things which hurts everyone.
But ...
I'll fight and keep fighting for friendships If i mess it up.
Need i explain myself why?
Because I know the pain of losing someone that is irreplaceable.
Why wont you push away your ego and wipe out the misunderstandings we had?
How could you just push me aside so easily and forgetting what this friendship meant to you?
I apologise,maybe Im the only one who felt this way. All along.

Would you please give me another chance?
Because I miss what we shared. I miss our bond. It was special.
I promise it will be worth it.