1.      My mother’s mirror makes me look way better than any other mirror. I’m half convinced she put a spell on it or had it blessed to make me feel more beautiful. The way it reflects the light puts green specks in my eyes and a rosy sheen on my cheeks. It makes my hair look softer, my edges smoother. It takes away those fifteen stubborn pounds. I think, maybe, it just reflects my mother’s love.

2.      Red headed boys have it out for me. I have had my heart broken five times and four of those were by red headed boys. **** you, Ronald Weasley for igniting such an infatuation-no, obsession-at such a young age.  It seems that no matter how badly the fire burns, I always seek out another flame.

3.      The people who pass on before us are allowed to paint the sky when they feel like it is needed. Part of your welcome to heaven package is a paint brush. My papaw frequently sends me glorious sunsets and starry nights when he knows I’m feeling sad.

4.      The first time a rough boy put his hands on me, he didn’t do so in a mean way. We were young and he pretended to know what he was doing/pretended that it wasn’t wrong. The second time, he realized he now had control over me.  Though I was never forced, I was manipulated. I do not cry ****, but I still cry.

5.      Growing up Catholic taught me that *** before marriage is wrong. What if part of me thinks *** in general is wrong? What if I can’t take the *** without imaging the unwanted hands all over me? What if my mistakes have made me into an unlovable monster? What if I am too weak to say no to *** and too weak to say yes to love? What if I can fall in love or fall in ***, but never both? 

6.      My mother’s mirror makes me look way better than any other mirror. I know it is because I see my reflection the way my mother sees me: beautiful, strong, unbroken.

He was beautiful but way too young for me.
I should have just walked away.
But God is no so kind to divorced women
close to the age of forty with a
lot of dissolutionment with modern urban life.
My husband cheated on me
with his secretary.
Tell me you haven't
heard that before.

I met him at a family get together.
a BBQ with awful food
and cheap wine.
it was his youth I think
it glowed like freedom.
So full of life.
All the emotions yet to happen.
Not all those that had already been.
He dumped his girlfriend
when he saw me.
I don't for the life of me know why.
She was pretty and perky
and so very young.
not like me at all.

He caught me looking at him
but I did not release my gaze.
That was cruel he was a just a boy
I found out later he was Twenty two
he gave me all I needed at that time.
All the things my rat ******* husband
had never given to me.

I admit I used him for his beauty
and his life that shone from him.
But I did not know
I was falling in love with him.
He undressed. me with his eyes ond smile.
I could not wait to undress for him.
My mother always so wise
said let him go honey it will end badly.
But I didn't.
He moved in to my urban nest.
The few hundred square feet
that was all mine
where the outside world ended.
After a while
I was miffed he did not have a job like I did.
That he sat around playing Nintendo all day.
But then he kissed me
and said I love you baby.
and I melted for him.

I got angry when he was drinking beer
with his friends
in my apartment.
When i got home from a hard day at work.
and I threw him out.

I told him he was never going to be what
I needed he was too young.
He moved into his buddy's place.
and called nme ten times a night.
Then I saw him again
it was in the local delli
I moved a can of caviar
and he was buying steaks
on the other side.

I took him home to my place
undressed as usual
he would not wear his ******.
He said I want you to have our baby.
I froze like a deer in the headlights.
I wish he had just ****** me.
All of a sudden
I saw his vulnerability
his youth his inexperience.
He was a baby and I was playing with him.
I knew it was a trap for him.
A trap I could not set.
so I opened the cage
the door left wide open.
and he flew out into
the wild rarified air
above the mountains.

I saw him again about a year later.
I was drinking wine at my favorite restraunt with a group
Of my friends.
It was near the holidays
The cold new York frost had formed on the window.
His breath melted a small section
Our eyes met and he he flashed his beautiful smile.
I caught my breath and my heart beat quickly..
But then he turned away.
And walked into the icy winter cold of the old city
Which had seen many such love stories before.

When the lights fade, when the curtains withdraws and hides me, will you leave or try to find me? When all is said and done, will you stay strong, even if everything goes wrong? Just actors on strings, drifting on stage portraying something we are not. After the show, will we be together, or will we act out differently when we walk onto the worlds stage? I never asked for much, nor did I expect anything, but it felt so real when I gave you that wedding ring.After all the singing, after all that we went through, I thought that our love would remain true. After all the thanks and the bowing with our phoney little smiles, I wished that it would never end. It felt so real, it's was like we were living a real life fairytale. The beauty and the beast; polar opposites brought together by mere fate. I implore you to hear me out, instead of constantly shutting me out. You can call me a freak, you can call me a geek, or even call me a liar, but no matter for I'll gladly hang by a wire if I am deemed a liar. They're calling for the curtain to collapse and take us out of peoples view, for how can I be myself if I am not with you? Blurred lines, but no matter. I'll cross it anyways, because seeing you just brightens my day. This interlude is now beginning to conclude, and I sit here boggled on what I could do. Stage exit, black out, for when that curtain falls, in my heart of hearts I know that were done.