its happening

my lungs are constricting

breathing is stuttering

hands are shaking

i thought i was better

its been so long

my head pounds

i just want to go home
to sleep
to be alone

i could fake sick

but i wont

i'm at school again
the skinniest girl here
calling herself fat

I'm at school again
earbuds
with no music

I'm at school again
i really
don't want to be here

i fear i'm drowning
i'm searching for the words to write
i need to express these feeling
in some way healthy
so i write
i write
i write
i write
i write stories that have no ending
and ****** poems
just to validate myself
i want to get rid of these feelings
so i write
i write
i write

relapsing is part of healing
just because you relapse
doesn't mean you lost all of your progress

why is it
so much harder
to write
in the dark?

i'm sitting in English class
looking at the others around me
there's two girls in this class
there's nineteen guys in my class
I look at their faces
but only when they are looking away
i cant be seen
observing
watching
it seems creepy
but the thing that's creepy
is that they all have sad eyes
there's no light behind them
what happened to that light
how can it be turned back on
with drugs and alcohol?
because that's what they do
how can they be helped
because they need help