You fell in love with me.

I just hope you jumped.
Not slipped.

it wasn't enough to hear you say that you love me,
I needed proof, hard proof, evidence
that a being like yourself even had a heart inside that skeletal cage,
does it beat? Or just lay still
like your body when you're beside me.

I know you don't love me any more,
your heart stopped beating at least 3 months ago
and before that I have a feeling it was black, and cold as ice, anyway

you'd beg for kisses, and more, and tell me you love me
as you collapsed in a heap next to me
but never on me, there was always distance between us
even when we should be the closest one human can get to another

but I felt the space between us, turn from a crack, to a gaping hole
you never told me you loved me when I kissed you, or when I had to blow your nose
because you were too sick to even move your arms

you never said you loved me when I cooked us breakfast on a rainy morning
and you listened to me humming our song, under a breath laced with regret
and that morning I let you wind your arms around my front, and you whispered in my ear
I thought you'd say you loved me, you just told me the eggs were cooked wrong

My life is an everlasting loop.
The same pattern, all day every day.
An endless loop that does not contain any bumps, or any curves.
A perfect circle.
One day, you gave it a curve.
You gave that circle life.
You gave that circle passion, desire, and spontaneity.
You changed my loop.
You changed my future, and my past.
I take my past for granted, all those years wasted.
For what?
I didn't change the world, I merely took from it.
I didn't give, I received.
You showed me what I'm meant to be,
How I need to change the world,
And why I am here.
This is my purpose.
You are my purpose.

Forget me not, sweet
For you couldn't , even if you try
I am everywhere
I am everything

Every song that you will hear
You will think of me
Every story you will read
You will remember me

Every step you take
You will wish you were holding my hand
Every sleep you do
You will miss my touch

Forget me not, sweet
You will always remember me

every moment
my heart
beats
with the
rhythm
of
"you
are
mine
forever"

Lying here rewinding us
while you sleep
Reflecting on where we've been
and where we are
Pausing here and there
feeling for effect
I look at you and wonder
just how much more
I could  ever hope to have-
to hope to live-
that's more than this.

Fast-forward to last night
and there we were
loving like there'll be
no tomorrow
Loving away all of those angry  
yesterdays
Now it's 2 a.m. and my heart
is wide awake
hoping you'll dream us
back again
Rewind us back to where
our love began.

r ~ 6/8/14

I like my days melancholy.
But beautifully so.
When the sky is grey,
with the few solitary raindrops.
I stand at the sink, in the fading sunlight,
washing my two navy dresses.
A soft old jazz piece plays on the radio,
I turn the fabric over in my hands.
Scrubbing between buttons and seams,
washing the remnants of church services,
a job interview, presentations
down the rusting drain.
I dunk a lace collar into the water
it comes up dark, black, heavy
as though someone has dipped it in tar.
It's delicacy is gone,
but it's spaces seemingly filled.
I stretch it across my palm,
black against alabaster.
The emptiness is here, today,
as it is in all days,
but for a few moments,
it feels filled.