but grief is not just unexpressed love
that the living never got to share.
it is a feeling that is never lost,
a love that will always be there.

how can something so profound
be reduced to words left unsaid?
it was real and it was experienced,
it doesn't end with the dead.

i am not very expressive: when it rained, i hovered my hand above your head as we ran for our ride back home; that was the closest thing i could come to a confession.

no revenge,
because how could i put you through anything,
when you were once everything?

when i see how wide the ocean is,
how many things left that hasn't been explored,
how shallow my feelings are in comparison,
how i wish to detach from my empty shell of a body.
i want to walk forward until it consumes me,
until no air can reach my lungs,
and when i feel the pressure pulling me under,
i will not thrash or wave my arms up in the air,
for i want to be one with the blue waves,
i want it to drown out my thoughts.
i want everything to end.

My niece
made me bangle
of letters, stars, unicorns|
and colored beads

Then it hit me
that's her poem to me
a set of random things
that sit beautifully
side by side
around in a circle

and I noticed that
that's the first time
someone wrote
a poem
about
me