Theres a story I read in the Bible,
coming from Old Testament,
that taught me I should love my father
taught me how to not resent...

or waste my days waiting on the
semblance of a true repent.

He was Caine and I was Able.
He killed a part of me
in the name of his God,
I called my Devil.
I curse missed opportunities...

He was Caine I wasn't able
to get that needle off his table.

There's a reoccurring vision
that is haunting my sleep.
Would he still do ******
If each time it had been injected by me?
A terrible vision,
a sickening fantasy,
that I'd rather him die by my hand
than left in his life's purgatory.

When looking down at his thigh,
does he think about his son?
Ink beneath the trembling skin,
where I left a mark with my own gun.
When looking up at the sky,
does he think about the sun?
How it shines on everything
and how he's not the only one.

I stand and watch the full moon rising
over the cherry trees in spring
In the solstice, I've been blinded
I hardly know the day or the time anymore

I am bleeding from within
I am shedding parts of me
that i can no longer hold

Trespassers in the front yard
Looking through my window

Blue lights in my vision
Fourteen hours that were taken

Trespassers in the front yard
Sneaking thru my dreams
Looking through my window
Watching as i sleep

Blue lights in my vision
Metal on the wrist
Fourteen hours that were taken
Freedom as a gift

Winters heavy burden
has left me indebted
to the state that i live in
and home thats been given

The cold wind reminds me
of the space that i go to
The place I exist in
in sadness and solitude

I come and go
Come and go

I dont like myself when im away

Bruised and beautiful tall tree
with heavy-hanging, over-ripened
fruit that weighs your branches.
Should I be a picker?
Lighten the load.
Will I be(e) a keeper?
Produce sticky liquid from the pollen
of your prickly flower.

Have I been the wind that makes them sway
that makes you say, "Quiet.
I'm hurting.
Be gentle,
I'm yearning
for so much more than you give me."

I want to bring rain.
Wet your roots and make it spring again.
They extend deep
and so far beyond me.
I'd hit the dirt, sink
and you'd drink me.
Fill you up,
something sweet.


Then I'm also the dry lake bed,
and you are the sun.
Then we're both the 96 million mile
uninterrupted beam of energy
that makes us one.

You, the powerful, scorching fire
through the vacuum of space.
The world feels your hot touch in mid day.
And my arid cracked surface
of evasive avoidance
reflects your energy
back at you,
trapped in the atmos-

Spherical star,
you've brightened my life.
One day I'll be stronger
learn to soften the strife.

My magical lover,
ever burning goddess.
Should I be kept as your lover,
the ever failing novice,
I imagine us
melting into each other in August.
The tail end of summer,
stronger humble and honest
and in love as ever.

Night time fever
Drunken lover
Simmering sorrow
In colder weather

Swollen knuckles
My bruised ego
Naked on the car ride home
Your clothes out the window

She came at me with two horns
After a night in the rain

A painting on the wall
And its unblinking gaze
Cast toward the sky
On a face I'd never meet
But was known well to those
Who are getting to know me

Fire heart
And hot touch
Icy words
And sharp tongue
Pulling me
Pushing me
Pulling me
Pushing me away

Why won't you go home?
But oh please will you stay
with me?

Small breaths and long sighs
The words behind our eyes
The strength in our thighs
I relax into slumber

Warmth bleeds from my spine
To be held from behind
I am soft and fluid
In the embrace of my lover

Shaken from a terror
In my subconscious fever
To awake to the curious
Embrace from another

Who imagines me pure
And sweet in my sorrow
Anxiety driven
In the early morning hours

Fill me up, drink me deep
Your kisses delightful
Whether i may or may not sleep
Till the rise of the sun

Touching her was
reaching for a cup of tea
steaming on my bedside table
A high fever and stiff joints

When my weak hands hold her close
a shiver runs down the center of me
The rest feels so cold

I breathe in the vapor
citrus and cinnamon
The aroma coats my brain
and softens my nerves

I cough and spit
a decades worth of the unspoken
dissolved in my lungs