Today was different.
I held you and I felt happy, content with you in my arms. I lay my head on your shoulder and opened my eyes to your big blue ones, smiling down at me.

But then I remind myself that I would feel happy with anyone in my arms, because that's how much I love love.

The key of being happy is letting go.
Anything that no longer adds to your soul, or makes you grow as a human being.

*Let it go.

My girl
One day, someone will treat you like gold.
Like you are a prized treasure
One in a million
Irreplaceable

My girl
One day, someone will treat you right.
The way you deserve to be treated
Because you are art
You are unique and
One day
Someone will love you exactly the way you need to be loved.

Call me completely and utterly crazy
But when you just look across the room and meet eyes with someone
You either feel something
Or you don't.

I felt something inside of me that I have never felt before.

love is messy
it is not perfect. it is a rollercoaster; a ******* wild ride.

it goes up, up, up and then when you think it can't get any better, it crashes and tumbles and suddenly you're left at 3am crying intertwined between tear stained pillows and crumpled empty bed sheets.

it goes down, down, down and then one hug makes you realise that home is his arms and that hearing his heartbeat is like hearing your favourite song and that a kiss planted on your forehead makes you feel as if heaven truly exists.

don't expect it to be even. don't expect it to be monotone.
it is anything but that. if you want a true love, it will be a wild love.

Love letters prove that he can write more **** than he can speak it.

This may sound crazy, but I think I've fallen for you even harder than the first time.
You make me happy without even trying. The sound of your voice, the ocean that is your eyes, the gentleness of your touch.
I now appreciate things in a way that I never did before.
I believe in second chances. I gave you my heart, and I'll give it again because ****, I honestly think *you're worth it.

I'm used to poison in my mouth
I'm used to the toxicity in the air
I thought it was all I deserved
And I was trapped in the midst of it all
It's strange that I have come across a cool river to wash me away and take me to some place new

And now
Things are easier
Gentler
Natural
Simpler
And I never want to leave this place
I feel free
And finally
Happy.

I can't lie to myself any longer.
You still consume my mind and my thoughts and I would rather die than admit it.
I hate the fact that I can't control that I love you. You got me hooked on your sick games and you are like a drug to me, an addiction in every single way imaginable.
It's funny because you made me believe I was special. You spoke words that I so easily overlooked because I thought I knew better than that. But I can't pretend those words didn't impact me, didn't make me so impossibly happy. I would be fooling myself if I said I didn't want to hear you speak them, and I would be an even greater fool if I said I didn't want to hear them again.
I still remember the first time my eyes saw yours as if it was yesterday. I knew from that very second that you would mean more to me, and I to you. You leaked bad news but I wanted it all, I wanted my heart to be broken by you.
And broke it you did. You had me at your feet, I would have done anything and everything for you because I was your prisoner and I was yours. I was trapped and defeated and I couldn't get out of the deep hole you had thrown me in. I remember spitting the dirt out of my mouth and thinking that I would never hurt you as much as you had hurt me.
Do you have a heart? Can you love? Do you know what it feels like to love someone so much you would die for them?
I say I don't love you, but you are not easy to get over. Especially since you continue to haunt me like a ghost in my past and present, and you will undoubtedly be there in my future.
How can I tell the truth if I can't accept it myself?

Don't make yourself easy for me to love.
Tell me the darkest secrets of your soul, because I don't just want to know the part of yourself that you want to show me. I want to know all of you. I want to open the doors to your heart and walk through the hidden passages. I want to look into your eyes and see a part of you no one else has seen. I want to know your flaws and imperfections so that I can love them endlessly.
Don't be afraid that I will walk away from you. Once I have the key to your soul, I will guard it with my life.

I still dream of you.
How ******* frustrating! I can't escape you! You're in my thoughts constantly throughout the day, and you haunt me in my sleep.
I dream of you, of us still together and it kills me because it just seems so real.
You probably don't even think of me as much as I think of you. You don't even want to know how much I actually think of you. I still worry about you constantly, I still care about you, and it breaks me.
It breaks me.
It breaks me because I have to pretend I don't care. It breaks me because I have to pretend that I'm fine.
You were the first person who I loved. The first person who held me, who loved me. I can't let go of you that easily.
I just need to escape you and I don't know how.

We looked up at the galaxy
And I was connecting the stars in my mind
They scattered the sky like your freckles under your eyes
And I was making pictures whilst feeling the warmth from your hand.

And it was like our souls merged into one
Because I felt you, and you felt alive.
And in that moment, things seemed perfect.
We were untouchable from the rest of this ghastly cruel world.

You asked me if you could be mine forever.
You made me promise.
And I did.

I'll be yours forever.
And if by some chance, this universe denies us of that
Please know I'll be with you in your heart
And you will be in mine.

I'm not one for broken promises.
But you already know that.

I now know things are over with you. We both do, and it hurts me so much.
I should've just kissed you last night. Why didn't I just kiss you? Was it because I didn't want to hurt you further? Was it because I was scared how I would feel afterward?
I loved it when you held me. No one can touch me like you do.

Just for one moment, I thought things would work out.
Just for one moment, it seemed
Perfect.

And now I'm up at 1AM with tears dripping down my cheeks thinking if I have imagined it all.

Love is the best actor; it's always pretending.

I chase your love around in circles.
I always want more. Give me love, give me affection, because it's what I crave most.

I love the feeling of you lying next to me. Hold me in your arms and never let me go. Keep me near your heart because I love the sound of it.

Touch me with your gentle fingers and hold my hand in yours.
I just want your love, and I find true happiness in the knowledge that I have it.

your body against mine is one of the purest sensations
and I really can't get enough of you.

34 days
And I still go to sleep thinking about you.

34 days
And I still wake up thinking about you.

34 days
And I still can't seem to shake the memory of you away.

You're right
Friendship is not always enough.
Today someone held my hand, and it did not feel like my hand belonged with his. I pulled away immediately because it felt wrong, disconnected, shallow, foreign.
Like puzzle pieces, our hands fit. Or used to.

I guess you could call it a contradictory mind.
Emotion and logic
Conflicting parties.
How can I be honest with you if I can't even admit it myself?
When you ask me what is wrong
How can I tell you
When I don't even understand?
When I can't make sense of it all?
My emotions are a code
And logic gives me instructions to decipher
But sometimes the instructions are stained wet with tears and I can't read the blurry words
And sometimes the instructions are scorched black by fire and I can't make sense of this ******* mess
This ******* mess
Called my contradictory mind.

The future is bright. I can start to see the sun through the clouds.
I don't want my past to make me bitter. I want it to make me better.
I want to learn from my mistakes and make sure I never repeat them twice.
I know I can be happy without you. And I have never felt at peace like this before because I know God is with me.

I have started to fall in love with dreaming, because every night there is a chance I get to see you. There is a chance I get to talk to you, for you to hold me, and they are all such happy dreams.

I feel things when I dream. I feel so impossibly happy when I'm with you. My heart beats faster in my dreams when you tell me that you miss me. It is so close to reality, it is honestly so scary how vivid it is.

I think the worst part is when I wake up. I wake up and this feeling of incredible pain overwhelms me. I look at the time and see if I can quickly fall back to my dreams again so I can see you one last time. But when it's time for me to wake up, I rise with a heart heavier than stone.

One cannot find one's soulmate until one has self-knowledge of oneself.
If you do not know and recognise your own soul, how can you expect to find your soulmate?

Nothing worth having comes easy.

"Do you have someone you think about constantly, someone you just can't get out of your head?"
"No."
"You are free from your own thoughts. I envy you. I wish my mind was as peaceful as yours. I wish mine was as peaceful as it used to be. Because all I see before I close my eyes before I sleep is him. And all I want to see when I open them in the morning is him. And how it hurts, it ******* hurts to know that it will never happen."
"Why do you still torment yourself over him?"
"Because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to let go."

Words being whispered are often far more powerful than words being said.

Escape with words and ink, darling
Let your tears smudge your words
So they become as blurry as your thoughts.

I need to find someone I can love
Who loves me so hard
Who isn't you.

The most addictive drug known to man.

It's okay to miss them.
But what we must remember is that we can continue life without them, and that God only intended to have that person in our lives for a specific period of time.
Some people are here to stay, others are passing through.
We can't keep holding on to people who are not meant to be held on to.

Now I know what true heartache feels like
Watching someone you love talk about someone else.
Today I experienced a different type of pain
A pain that made me fight back tears
And when I closed the door behind me
They fell to the floor.

Drip, drip, drip.

Who needs drugs and alcohol to get ******
Love can do that for you.

It's easy to catch feelings for someone, however
Because I am close to doing the same
I just need to find him.
And then hopefully my hurt and pain for you
Will transform into love for someone else.

Unconditional love is possibly one of the rarest things to come across in this ****** up world.
I have found it.
It is in the palm of my hands; I can feel it.
Please don't mess this up.
Please don't throw it away.

I still see you in my dreams.
How is it possible that you manage to haunt me in both reality and sleep?

This proves that even though my mind says no, my heart continues to want you.

I have realised that I actually feel sorry for you.
I feel sorry that you constantly need someone in your life to be happy. I can't imagine how painful it must be to not be able to just be happy on your own, to not rely on a certain circumstance or person, to just feel the emotion unexpectedly and on your own accord.
I feel sorry for you because you are trying to find a way to deal with your own insecurities when meanwhile you are just causing problems for others rather than dealing with them on your own.
I feel sorry for you because you could be such a nice person. Instead you choose to be someone I know you are not deep down; you do it out of anger, spite, hurt. And for what? To get a temporary feeling of satisfaction to try build up your own dwindling self-confidence? To try hurt me as much as I hurt you? All I want is for you to be happy.
And I mean happy on your own. Being happy independently and not needing anyone else to make you feel it otherwise is the best kind of happiness, because it comes from within.
That's all I want from you. And maybe you won't realise this in the beginning, but you will in time.
And that's when you'll realise that you not only lost the person that possibly cared about you the most, but that you'll never get her again.

My head loves you, but my heart loves him.

I really do.

Let me use his love to spark the fire that you once had scorching in my heart.

Because in the end,
we all just want to love & be loved.

Trust life's timing.
If it was meant to be, it will be.

I love you. Every piece of you.
Every dark and light thought.

Emptiness is a feeling, too.

I've realized that happiness is nothing more than a decision you make.
You control it. You should let nothing else control it besides your own beautiful mind.

Appreciation.

You are probably the biggest hypocrite I have ever met.
I have had nothing but your best interests at heart. It's sad to know that you don't return the favour, but that's okay.

I'll prove to you how much I don't need you.