I still dream of you.
How ******* frustrating! I can't escape you! You're in my thoughts constantly throughout the day, and you haunt me in my sleep.
I dream of you, of us still together and it kills me because it just seems so real.
You probably don't even think of me as much as I think of you. You don't even want to know how much I actually think of you. I still worry about you constantly, I still care about you, and it breaks me.
It breaks me.
It breaks me because I have to pretend I don't care. It breaks me because I have to pretend that I'm fine.
You were the first person who I loved. The first person who held me, who loved me. I can't let go of you that easily.
I just need to escape you and I don't know how.

Don't make yourself easy for me to love.
Tell me the darkest secrets of your soul, because I don't just want to know the part of yourself that you want to show me. I want to know all of you. I want to open the doors to your heart and walk through the hidden passages. I want to look into your eyes and see a part of you no one else has seen. I want to know your flaws and imperfections so that I can love them endlessly.
Don't be afraid that I will walk away from you. Once I have the key to your soul, I will guard it with my life.

i sometimes feel as if growing older
has done me more harm than good.

it killed my innocence
my naiveness
my purity
my ability to not think.

but mostly it killed the way my brain could make colours
and the way i saw love
and the way i saw life.

I now know things are over with you. We both do, and it hurts me so much.
I should've just kissed you last night. Why didn't I just kiss you? Was it because I didn't want to hurt you further? Was it because I was scared how I would feel afterward?
I loved it when you held me. No one can touch me like you do.

The key of being happy is letting go.
Anything that no longer adds to your soul, or makes you grow as a human being.

*Let it go.

i like poetry because i can
transform mere words into art
and add eyeblinding colour to dull text
to remind others that they are not alone
and that feelings are feelings
and you are allowed to feel
and that even though the world is big
you are not in any way, small.

Call me completely and utterly crazy
But when you just look across the room and meet eyes with someone
You either feel something
Or you don't.

I felt something inside of me that I have never felt before.

your feelings are not dangerous
stop acting like they are.

if you feel love towards him, let it happen
don't try suppress it out of fear;
you're only fooling yourself
*my dear

I don't know what is more empty -
The look in my eyes when I stare at myself in the mirror
Or the way my heart feels when I think of my life without you

***** it hurts

I chase your love around in circles.
I always want more. Give me love, give me affection, because it's what I crave most.

I love the feeling of you lying next to me. Hold me in your arms and never let me go. Keep me near your heart because I love the sound of it.

Touch me with your gentle fingers and hold my hand in yours.
I just want your love, and I find true happiness in the knowledge that I have it.

You're right
Friendship is not always enough.
Today someone held my hand, and it did not feel like my hand belonged with his. I pulled away immediately because it felt wrong, disconnected, shallow, foreign.
Like puzzle pieces, our hands fit. Or used to.

Just for one moment, I thought things would work out.
Just for one moment, it seemed
Perfect.

And now I'm up at 1AM with tears dripping down my cheeks thinking if I have imagined it all.

Love is the best actor; it's always pretending.

34 days
And I still go to sleep thinking about you.

34 days
And I still wake up thinking about you.

34 days
And I still can't seem to shake the memory of you away.

I'm used to poison in my mouth
I'm used to the toxicity in the air
I thought it was all I deserved
And I was trapped in the midst of it all
It's strange that I have come across a cool river to wash me away and take me to some place new

And now
Things are easier
Gentler
Natural
Simpler
And I never want to leave this place
I feel free
And finally
Happy.

love is messy
it is not perfect. it is a rollercoaster; a ******* wild ride.

it goes up, up, up and then when you think it can't get any better, it crashes and tumbles and suddenly you're left at 3am crying intertwined between tear stained pillows and crumpled empty bed sheets.

it goes down, down, down and then one hug makes you realise that home is his arms and that hearing his heartbeat is like hearing your favourite song and that a kiss planted on your forehead makes you feel as if heaven truly exists.

don't expect it to be even. don't expect it to be monotone.
it is anything but that. if you want a true love, it will be a wild love.

I have started to fall in love with dreaming, because every night there is a chance I get to see you. There is a chance I get to talk to you, for you to hold me, and they are all such happy dreams.

I feel things when I dream. I feel so impossibly happy when I'm with you. My heart beats faster in my dreams when you tell me that you miss me. It is so close to reality, it is honestly so scary how vivid it is.

I think the worst part is when I wake up. I wake up and this feeling of incredible pain overwhelms me. I look at the time and see if I can quickly fall back to my dreams again so I can see you one last time. But when it's time for me to wake up, I rise with a heart heavier than stone.

We looked up at the galaxy
And I was connecting the stars in my mind
They scattered the sky like your freckles under your eyes
And I was making pictures whilst feeling the warmth from your hand.

And it was like our souls merged into one
Because I felt you, and you felt alive.
And in that moment, things seemed perfect.
We were untouchable from the rest of this ghastly cruel world.

You asked me if you could be mine forever.
You made me promise.
And I did.

I'll be yours forever.
And if by some chance, this universe denies us of that
Please know I'll be with you in your heart
And you will be in mine.

I'm not one for broken promises.
But you already know that.

your body against mine is one of the purest sensations
and I really can't get enough of you.

The future is bright. I can start to see the sun through the clouds.
I don't want my past to make me bitter. I want it to make me better.
I want to learn from my mistakes and make sure I never repeat them twice.
I know I can be happy without you. And I have never felt at peace like this before because I know God is with me.

Escape with words and ink, darling
Let your tears smudge your words
So they become as blurry as your thoughts.

Nothing worth having comes easy.

I guess you could call it a contradictory mind.
Emotion and logic
Conflicting parties.
How can I be honest with you if I can't even admit it myself?
When you ask me what is wrong
How can I tell you
When I don't even understand?
When I can't make sense of it all?
My emotions are a code
And logic gives me instructions to decipher
But sometimes the instructions are stained wet with tears and I can't read the blurry words
And sometimes the instructions are scorched black by fire and I can't make sense of this ******* mess
This ******* mess
Called my contradictory mind.

The most addictive drug known to man.

Now I know what true heartache feels like
Watching someone you love talk about someone else.
Today I experienced a different type of pain
A pain that made me fight back tears
And when I closed the door behind me
They fell to the floor.

Drip, drip, drip.

Who needs drugs and alcohol to get ******
Love can do that for you.

It's easy to catch feelings for someone, however
Because I am close to doing the same
I just need to find him.
And then hopefully my hurt and pain for you
Will transform into love for someone else.

One cannot find one's soulmate until one has self-knowledge of oneself.
If you do not know and recognise your own soul, how can you expect to find your soulmate?

I need to find someone I can love
Who loves me so hard
Who isn't you.

Unconditional love is possibly one of the rarest things to come across in this ****** up world.
I have found it.
It is in the palm of my hands; I can feel it.
Please don't mess this up.
Please don't throw it away.

Let me use his love to spark the fire that you once had scorching in my heart.

I have realised that I actually feel sorry for you.
I feel sorry that you constantly need someone in your life to be happy. I can't imagine how painful it must be to not be able to just be happy on your own, to not rely on a certain circumstance or person, to just feel the emotion unexpectedly and on your own accord.
I feel sorry for you because you are trying to find a way to deal with your own insecurities when meanwhile you are just causing problems for others rather than dealing with them on your own.
I feel sorry for you because you could be such a nice person. Instead you choose to be someone I know you are not deep down; you do it out of anger, spite, hurt. And for what? To get a temporary feeling of satisfaction to try build up your own dwindling self-confidence? To try hurt me as much as I hurt you? All I want is for you to be happy.
And I mean happy on your own. Being happy independently and not needing anyone else to make you feel it otherwise is the best kind of happiness, because it comes from within.
That's all I want from you. And maybe you won't realise this in the beginning, but you will in time.
And that's when you'll realise that you not only lost the person that possibly cared about you the most, but that you'll never get her again.

I really do.

Words being whispered are often far more powerful than words being said.

My head loves you, but my heart loves him.

"Do you have someone you think about constantly, someone you just can't get out of your head?"
"No."
"You are free from your own thoughts. I envy you. I wish my mind was as peaceful as yours. I wish mine was as peaceful as it used to be. Because all I see before I close my eyes before I sleep is him. And all I want to see when I open them in the morning is him. And how it hurts, it ******* hurts to know that it will never happen."
"Why do you still torment yourself over him?"
"Because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to let go."

It's okay to miss them.
But what we must remember is that we can continue life without them, and that God only intended to have that person in our lives for a specific period of time.
Some people are here to stay, others are passing through.
We can't keep holding on to people who are not meant to be held on to.

I still see you in my dreams.
How is it possible that you manage to haunt me in both reality and sleep?

This proves that even though my mind says no, my heart continues to want you.

Because in the end,
we all just want to love & be loved.

Trust life's timing.
If it was meant to be, it will be.

Emptiness is a feeling, too.

I love you. Every piece of you.
Every dark and light thought.

I've realized that happiness is nothing more than a decision you make.
You control it. You should let nothing else control it besides your own beautiful mind.

You are probably the biggest hypocrite I have ever met.
I have had nothing but your best interests at heart. It's sad to know that you don't return the favour, but that's okay.

I'll prove to you how much I don't need you.

Appreciation.