"breathe, darling
in, out, in, out,
it's okay, baby, you're doing great.
it's okay, baby, don't be afraid
i'm right here
i'll always be with you, okay?
i know it's painful, honey, i know
i'm sorry i can't help you
but you have to breathe, okay?
help is on the way
see that light over there?
there's men coming,
they're going to help--"

Mommy stopped soothing her crying baby, as the people lifted the infant up from the rubble. She gulped, instructed to them on how to hold him, where the wounds have pained him, even if she knew that it was no use.

after all, the voice of the dead can't be heard by the living.

So it began, my life of pain
Covered in shame
Step-dad laid his claim

So it began, my life of woe
Down the rabbit hole
Some known how the story goes

So it began my life of tragedy
It happened so rapidly
It is now my woven tapestry

So it began, my life of regrets
Sadly it's not over yet
Impaled daily on life's bayonet

©Pauline Russell

Moms were made for love
And care
But you were made in a different way
You scream and cursed
Until the noise had drowned out the curse
Of living with the regret of your misdeed
You fought and drank
Shook and sank
In this quick sand that you made
You always took and never gave
You always butchered us in vain
Never once had you cared
About the damage that you had left
In our skin and in our minds
These hearts you made
No longer beat same
As they did with you
Before you changed

You take
You destroy
You break
You scar

And nothing will change
The damage you've done

Mom, what happened to you?

Its been a while since I last saw you
Oh my, how far you have grown
You're about to reach the stars above

Its been three years since your last visit
Were you just as busy?
Did you, too, have battles fought?
And work undone

Time has aged you, my dear friend
Your now have wrinkles
By your eyes
They say you've smiled more than before

Oh how it makes me so happy to hear that
You've had trials before
You've dealt with them over and over again
But now you seem to be at peace with the way you sleep
There's no longer bags beneath those eyes

Has life been kinder towards you, my dear friend?
Did she give you the chance you've been asking for?
Before she only took and never gave
But that never seem to shake you

Your hair has grayed
Is that from the stress of a past?
Did it just come naturally, my friend?

I have forgiven you for leaving
So please don't worry,
You did what you did
And it was for the best

At the time, I couldn't see that
And you had
So thank you, friend
For breaking me in the best way possible

I hope now things are clear
Because I don't want to lose you once again

I know that I can't be what you want;
  because my heart is absolutely true
  and know I will not give up on you.
  That's why you can't ever love me.

He holds you the same as I would,
  plays and messes with your hair
  just like I would if you were mine.
  Every soft kiss on his lips kills me.

You sit up late and talk with him on the phone;
  just like we used to stay up late and talk
  like that time we spent 24 hours of a weekend
  being in each other's company... just talking...

But you never fell for me the way you fell for him
  or the way you fell for your last boyfriend
  or the one before him, or the one before him.
  Five years. Five boyfriends. None me.

                                                        None love you like me.
    *And that is why you can't ever love me.
                                                 Because you know that I'll stick around
                                      When everything falls apart
                         And try and be your everything
                                                    Be­cause I truly love you
                                             And you fear that love