two beers away from empty, I'm nearing closer to the end of my creativity
and the lights outside are dimming

is there something they're trying to tell me?
such a subtle message, I'm not sure I fully grasp it

how many moons have cycled since I got here?
I'm not really sure what time I'll be leaving

the lights within the sky are being fought with
and the city seems to unfairly be winning

I'm not aware of when I started here
but I can see the dull moon slyly grinning

all of it has been broken

busted

all of it

everything i'd known
before this moment

nothing can be grasped
i've got butter fingers
it slips away
and i'm alone
again

i've loved you in the past
and in the future
i just never knew your name
and we've never met
before

Haunt me,
I feel your arms like strong
vines wrapping around my
clouded judgement.

Look at me
when I am speaking to you.
You're only a shadow now, and
I am a hard shell.

Both broken, both consumed
by silence.
I am swallowed whole
by one night.

I was so close to you.
I felt the blood moving in your veins,
and the steady rhythm of your breathing.
Pretending for so long, we caved.
You may call it weakness, I call it strength.

You are a silent shadow now,
eyes that won't hold my gaze for even moment,
And,
we may be strangers for the rest of our days,
but I will not forget how you held me
when you slept and how
I cried in the morning when I left,
dawn and bitter truth rising with the sun.

we committed synchronized suicide
as we threw our flesh
out the same window
hoping to land somewhere new
only to realize
we've been cursed
and set to live these lives
THESE lives
these exact ones

now living with our bones broken,
our tissue scarred,
and our hearts bleeding
simply stuck repeating
the same miserable lives
we had originally created
starting again from day one
and being broken babies
we cry and sit in our own ****,
helpless and waiting
for someone to save us

a stolen exoskeleton is worn
over the squishy, pink mollusk
that hides inside me

my abdomen spills out
all the acids that pool
in my gut
as i slice myself open
with my own callused skin

let's **** ourselves over coffee
as the speech drips
freshly from our dried, split lips
and place bets
and take sides
as our tongues clench themselves into fists

i've pretended so desperately
but never fallen for my own
cheap tricks
i'll simply continue to watch
the world from a cliff
and see what the ants decide to do
without me there
to make them sick

everything looks so small to me,
and sometimes it's hard for me to remember
that i'm even smaller
and harder
to see

i feel like the moon and the sun.
dark and mysterious.
one minute up in the sky.
and one minute cowering in the corner not being seen.
the sun takes my place.
being shiny and bright.
then all is happy.
and i am full of life.
but then the day is over and the moon comes back out to play.
everyone stares at me and says i'm beautiful.
but little do they know i'm the most dark and scary creature ever seen.
some people like me.
some people don't.
some people need a light because they're afraid of my darkness called night.
then night is over and i am sunny again.
bipolar they call this.
labeling me with a disease.
'no' i say.
'i'm just fine!'
then i go home and sit and cry.
engulfed in my darkness and in the light the next.
no one is ever there to help me be my best.
'you need help!' they all say.
then help me ******.
can't you see that i'm grey and damaged?

sitting in their room:
somebody's looking at a bunch of pills.
staring at a stack of razors.
holding a thick belt in their hand.
or just thinking, contemplating to end it all.
but then suddenly, they think of you.
your smile.
the dimple on your cheek that appears when you smile.
oh god, that beautiful smile.
your touch.
the feeling they get when your soft yet strong hands caress ex their body.
feeling like they're floating, reliving that moment.
your voice.
that sweet voice that asks, "how are you today?" & says "i love you" & "i'm sorry" when they wrong you.
that sweet, sweet voice.
sweet enough to calm monster within.
your hair.
the way it feels. how it curls up when it's wet after you take a swim.
how you hate it when they touch your hair.
your love.
the way you're willing to understand them.
even though you don't, you are willing.
someone, somewhere, could throw those pills away,
throw those razors away,
choose to adorn that thick belt on their waist instead of on their neck,
& choose to hold on.
all because they thought of you.

— @beeyroyce.