I think you know, and I never will,
What's going on in your mind so still
And not. You just can't open up, that's fine -
I've told you what exists in mine.
I wonder sometimes if you know it all too loud.
But know this too, and I'm not proud
That I'm saying this, but I lost my pride
When I let you in and you let yourself slide,
As slick the years-abandoned edge of a kitchen knife,
Back out of my DMs, if you will, out of my life
You changed in the course of a few days - Well,
I'm grateful for the Heaven that you made into H*ll.

When I die... I'm not going to die, that's old news,
You couldn't try, or do, or fix, or choose -
You loved me because I was my own woman,
And you maybe couldn't deal with that, man,
Either. But know this - I remember what it is, now,
To wear lipstick and my hair up, though I recall how
You loved me natural. I remember what it is to be courted,
Though you gave me enough of that, and we thwarted
Jealousy, you and I. I remember what it is to smile,
Though I blushed in your sight in a way that I'll
Maybe never blush again. Just to say, Benya, I loved you,
But I also now remember what it is to love myself, too.

It's easier to embrace smudged crimson
And washed jet - they hurt with an E-string
Staccato, a familiar and a constant.
Come, let me don my madness once more
And laugh in the face of well-known shards
Like they love me. Take my filigree of words
And tell me nothing, not even that it's beautiful -
I cannot be answered, I, who would eat the night
Whole, I, who break at the slightest tremor,
And love it, too. Nothing was so true save falsehood,
And no love was sweeter than its cold kiss
Flung back in my young, still innocent, face.
Did you ever think to ask? I thought you never would.
I've accustomed to the silence now. I fill it with storms.

When the sun is down
The moon comes around to try & hug her
Night & day are lovers
Forever chasing each other
An endless endeavour like no other
They are meant for one another
Hiding their feelings behind the Earth's cover
During dusk & dawn, they blend their colours
It's their love they utter
The moon adores the sun more during summer
In awe of her in her element
Surrounded by stars, he stays celibate
Astounded by her being above par
Far above, yet still with benevolence
No one comes close, they're irrelevant
Shines so bright, she must be heaven sent

Why does love have to hurt like this?
I put a rose upon your window with the sun
And I don't know if its chastened kiss
Against the pane meant something to someone
Like you. Would you hold me again,
I, who decided to cut you, and who wrote you
An entire play, or rewrote one? Deign,
I ask. Rise, I pray. But I can't even quote you
And know you'll answer. You said something like
Sorry. You said something like tenderness,
But I can't accept "like", you know, unlike
My younger self. I cannot stress
Enough, how much my longing bloomed
Each second it should have been appeased;
And you changed tunes and said "It's doomed,"
But I can't see the day I'll be released.

Remember how I looked to you,
To tell me I'm not mad?
However, I was not in view,
The best you'd never had.
I walk, your kisses on my lips,
I walk with your words, forward,
Fate declines the power trips,
And love is untoward -
I can't find you in every glass,
I can't see you in that window,
In every chance that never'd pass,
For I cannot be their widow
Like I'm yours.
Like I'm yours.
Like, I'm yours.
Like. I'm yours.

Your inbox closed to my missives
Your door is shut against my knocks
Your lips you barred from my kisses
I still think outside of the box.

I never had it, lover, friend,
I never had the sanity,
But I'll just trade means to an end -
No rest for inhumanity,

I'll trade the words I never spoke
For those of a man imagined,
I'll trade the promises you broke
For truths that never happened,

I'll trade incessant thoughts of you
For sleepless nights and mania
All for a script that isn't new,
Through sunny times, and rainier,

I'll trade this known uncertainty
For one dream I'll hold onto,
Pledge every desperate quantity -
I can because I want to.

I've said some bold words in my time -
Made tragedies of pantomime.
I've kissed some morons in my day -
Too young I thought I'll lose the hay.

I lived as the greatest lover
(Or the most pathetic, rather) -
Mad walks in the rain and letters
Oft took judgement from my betters,

Let's add to the pile morn roses,
Bookshop rushes ere it closes,
Philosophy and late night talks,
And still more mad, but sunny, walks,

Journeys on the train to Glasgow,
Two tickets to Panic!'s last show,
Bekhôled reading Thomas Hardy,
Sapphires costing a fair farthing,

And now, and then, in your study,
I'd be your debating buddy,
Then your patient, then a girl:
An embrace set you in a whirl.

Our first kiss was in tears, my love,
Our confession was at a shove,
Our first handhold was without hope,
You always said we had no scope -

And yet you'd loved me, lover mine,
Or begged for it upon my shrine,
Conceived it in my breast of stone -
You conquered, and I lost, and won.

I never spoke more equally
With any man, but now my plea
Falls down on your attentive ears
As would a rusted pair of shears.

I do not mean to **** you, love,
I meant to raise you up above
The idol that my head construed -
I've held you, never rough or rude

As loving is, but passionate
And real and true, and I, to date,
Have never felt more like a queen
Than in our kisses, sweet and keen.

And all my verses do abuse
This love of mine - I have no ruse
For I am rendered dumb by you,
And know no truth but in your view.

Sweet Uiginn's son, whom I must meet,
Swept sev'ral times from off my feet
But never truly, only now -
Why say you "No", and ask not "How?"?