I could
Dissolve into you
Fizzle away
Into your brilliance
Dissipating
Just a shadow cast
Across broad shoulder blades

You have replaced my bones
Sunshine now slips
Through my veins
Fragments of hope
Sliding through window panes
Igniting

With you
Something inside me collides
Pieces shift
Back into their places
A dead bolt lock
Keeping me safe

Within  you
I've found the missing pieces of myself

I just need a suitcase
Big enough
To pack you in

When his fingers trace my skin
It will be a foreign invasion
Of the territory you made
A traitor
Waltzing on enemy lines

I'll look for you
In the contours of a strangers smiles
Or behind his fingertips
Waiting for just a glimpse
Of your light
To seep from someone else's skin

For pieces of you to surface
Rise like blood
A purple splotched
I love you
Signed with
I'm yours

I'll hold my breath forever
*but you won't ever come

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

Briefly I allowed myself to falter
I leapt
Down, down the wish well
I caught a glimpse of myself
Smiling
Breathing
Laughing
As the little voice told me I loved you
I leapt full force
And came crashing down
Until there was nothing
But me and the waves at my feet
I walked on water for you
On earth
On air
I walked on fire for you
And as my world came crashing down
It was only you behind the glass
Ready to pull me out

I hide behind these words,
Sometimes not so pretty metaphors
No one seems to hear me when I speak
So these are my words to keep.
Someday, someone will understand
Why there was always a pen in my hand.
Welcome to my life

(April 16, 2011)

Night.
It's when magic and inner demons
Come out to play.
We lay back to back
naked
And silent
Love between the sheets.
Dear lover
You fill me up
And yet I am empty
still hungry.
I love you
Through the night
Write about you in daylight
Cloud my mind with words.
Engulfed in the sweet tones
Of this love.
But for now....
Good night

So is this what happens?
When I am left alone with my thoughts?
I sink down
Down
Deep into the depths of my memories?
I feel trapped and isolated.
Haunted and infected.
I want to escape.
I keep relapsing
Back here.
I am afraid
Can I
Or will I
Ever find serenity?
Some sort of inner peace?
Break free of this demon
This demon that is me?