Everybody has a drug
Mine?
Mine is you.

Mine is your touch,
No matter how rough.
Mine is your voice,
Whispering,
Growling,
In my ear,
So only I can hear,
That I'm yours,
From head to toe.

Mine is our love,
Your lips on mine,
Hot and heavy,
Your hands over my heart,
Making all sense fall apart

But now
I don't see you
Not that we don't want to.
I'm detoxing
From the best drug

And it is Painful
Shameful
How much I want you
How my chest burns
How my stomach turns

I can't eat
You've got me beat

I can't Sleep,
**** counting Sheep.

All I want is you,
My drug,
My love.

They ask me,
Why don't you ever smile?

I try to see,
Thinking, its been a while

I took a blade
And I obeyed.

I carved a smile on my face
And I took my place

Under the bed
The stairs
In the basement
In a closet
Forever hidden away
So ugly.

Until, one day, a little girl,
Asked me,
What makes you so happy,
Why do you always smile?

I looked at her,
As I searched for
Words to say.

I smile everyday now.

Masters are cruel
Mine is kind
Masters use us as tools
I'm useful, he'll find

Masters are violent
Mine is just playing a game
Masters are tyrants
Mine is Self tame.

Masters are greedy,
Mine rewards
Masters are ugly
Mine is something to look towards

Masters have slaves
Mine has a servant who loves these days.

I feel the urge
It's something I must purge
To feel it sink
Blood stain like ink

I want to take my blade
And let common sense fade
Abandon rationality
Embrace my secret personality

The one that wants inside your home
To feel your heart
Beat
To watch as each beat it uses to try
Only means the faster you die

To watch your life leave your eyes
To hear your pained, fearful cries
Oh the bliss
It's not something you'd want to miss.

When knowing your beauty
Becomes vanity.

When knowing you're strong
Mean that you are egotistical

When loving yourself
Becomes self obsession

I am a warrior with battle scars.
And I'll keep fighting until I

Die.

I slumber,
I sleep
rousing at the slightest peep
I am silent
Quiet
I can't, no matter how I try it.

I wont reach rem,
I'm not like them
I wont let it happen

I'm just below the surface
Can't you hear
Can't you hear me
Scream

Think twice
About your lies
About your words,
The sharpened stick
Our suffering, your fix
The bludgeoning stones
That break the bones
The structure of our hope
Our only way to cope

To think that broken bones
Hurt as much as the verbal stones
The teasing and picking
Pushed around the circle
A game of cruel hot potato
Until they got sick and let you go

Elementary thugs
Became middle school suicide assistants

Determined in their mission to blow out our souls
To reach their sick goals

My wings are torn
A queen once,
Now I only see scorn
I am a fool, a dunce.

I was an angel,
Then I fell
I was left to dangle.
To let death swell

Swell with hunger
Grow with lust
Spark its tinder
My remains are dust.

I was desirable
Then a demon took me
I was beautiful
I guess it wasn't meant to be

I was loved
Many agreed
They said I was sent from above
I would watch them want with greed

Oh, white rabbit,
Run with your lucky feet
Silly white rabbit,
This is quite a treat!

You're late!!!
You're oh so very late!!
You're at the hands of fate.

The pencil slides perfectly into my grip.
It never slips.
A long, graceful, perfect cylinder
A merciful, beautiful miracle.
I make a mistake and you let me fix it
I have an idea and you let me make it
   A dark and twisted world
A bright and elegant creature
You create a beautiful word
You're my best feature

I go nowhere without you.
A notebook too.
She's your perfect match
With you, my world will hatch

   On my ear
So my imagination, you may hear.
You're more than a tool,
You're a part of my soul.

Five twenty Texas.
In the morn
Fore the busses test their horns.
As a train rattles next to 377
Before I hit 7-11
Where I bet a dollar for a million
Sometimes two on a billion.
Never won once
****** little *****
I'll win tomorrow.
Cause I'll be up drunk for
Five twenty Texas

It does.
Take the cork out your ***,
Man up,
Take it in.
So what if its raining?
There are puddles to splash in.
Frogs to chase.
Turtles to save!
So what if the brat wont shut up?
Later, he wont talk to you at all
Because life *****
So you **** it in.
Blow it out.
Stomp it down.
Beat it up.
And show it who's boss.

Okay.
This isn't really a poem.
But whatever.

To get a lot of my poems, you have to know my story.

My birth day was even a warning of my demons.
October, the Unholy month
Thirteen, an unlucky number.

I was a ******* child born to a family of drug addicts
Alcoholics
Prostitutes
The Sinful Ones

I didnt have a happy childhood.
Unmentionable Things
Behind those walls.

I have been ***** a lot.
I dream it every night
I use my bio parents Sins
As an Escape

From the pain and heartbreak.
I am not a good person.
I am barely human.
I am a Murderer.

I am a Killer
In the Making.

I am a beast.
Just Awakening.

I was adopted by people at age 4
But somehow.
I still felt an invisible Closed Door.

I was bullied.
I cut
Chugged Pills
And *****

I tried to die so much...
But it 'got better'
Because of therapy
Because of meds
Because i tried.

But its not better.
But someday, it will be.
So I'm holding onto that.

Your heart pounds
Muted sounds

Your blood froze
Tears run down your nose.

They say the words
The ones that break worlds

Your heart
Already cracked
Already patched
Already leaking
Already breaking

Already broken
Stitched
Patched
Fixed

And the

Pieces
St
     a
  r             t

t

      o



    f
       a

l
                                l


a        p
   a        
                    r
t

Air floods in
Invades your body
It brings you life

There's poison in my air
A hurt, a pain that is there
It stabs into my side
Behind eyes that have never cried

It's the pain in my knee
It's the limp in my stride
The scar on my pride

Air is a curse.
It sustains you.
And your enemies too.

So if I were to commit suicide
A strangling Noose is
Waiting
                     Patiently
By

             My
Side

Your lips on my lips
Your hands on my hips

Shivers run through
How much I want you...

Your fingers on my skin
That, Sensation from within

Your teeth in my neck
Your nails continue their trek
Down my arms.
Envelope my breast
Your heaving chest.
Travel for miles
Drive me wild
I'll scream your name.

Tie me Up
Tie me Down
Tie me All Around
Gag my throat
Hear me choke
Hear me beg
Hear me scream
"Master, take me, hear my pleas"

As a child
I was rather wild
I couldn't stay still
My heart of free will

My mother
And my father,
Bent me many times over
Their knees

But never once did I plead
Like my brothers had
I did not bend
To their every whim

I did not win
And that night.
My heart full of fright,
My mother screamed at me

"Demon get out!"
"Beast from hell!"
"Leave us of your hex and spell!"
"Beastly Demon,"
"Wretched heathen,"
"Leave us be,"

My mother named me Demon.


If only she knew.