a heap of bile gathers in my throat
as i watch my world go up in smoke
and fail to understand the purpose of regret that's spoke

in my mind i painted the vision
and the brush perfects the image at every stroke
yet reality reminds me the paint must dry
before it can offer any hope

there it is; excuses, here they come
that's me.. always trying to alter the picture when it's done
because the sight isn't what i hoped to see
and here i stand; starting from square one

fear sets in and i feel i just may choke
so i try to erase what it has become

but it's too late; and i can't even cry
this has never happened to me
i'm lost and i'm free
and a part of me has died

tell me, what is it really like?
to see your world go up in smoke?
to create a picture unlike one you've ever seen, to feel that scream in your throat?
to paint a picture you just cannot change no matter how many times it's been erased?
to not give up, not give in but just let life take it's place?

i touch the canvas;
it's rough at the edges,
but it's smooth inside

which tells me i can still attempt a change of heart
even after the paint has dried.

I was to young to understand how freaking deep this was

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, 'cause

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Tonight in this garden
a million flowers loom
clouds of gypsophila bloom
through our window and beyond
with fragrant vines, they sprawl
saturate scented paper walls
these night lilies, only a dalliance
that blooms and fades
your hands, my breath of sighs
we are drunk from dulcet wine
sung from the whisper of moon that dips
caress of your reddened lips
traveling this world
lilting softly slow