Life will never be easy.
Love will never be easy

You have to fight for the things you want.

I put up a fight for a long time.
It's the giving up part thats not exactly easy.

How do you fall out something just as fast as you fall into it.

Whatever happened to the moments
we lived for
the moments we lived from
electrifying lives
currents of passion
high voltage that knew no resistance

what do I have to do?
to feel the surge
to feel the spark
to feel alive again?

Is it in the tomes?
Is it in the songs?
Do the muses hold it in the walls?
Is it inside of me?

Searching for the switch
to send me back to passion
To make me feel charged again
to make me feel in charge again

I’m repeating history and drowning in the replay,
This constant storm I call home.
I’m regretting my truth and the lies I've made mine,
A clap of thunder for every false word and a flash of lightning for every forced smile.
I've gone deaf and blind to this world.
But I won’t scream from the pain eating me alive.
Pain that begins as an aching in my bones,
A chill that seeps through my skin,
A hollow aching in my chest.
Oh, but how it aches.
Aches until it suffocates.
Suffocates and smothers, until I’m left gasping for relief.
But I won’t scream from the pain leaving me in pieces.
Because there is no use pleading for help.
Because in my travels I have come to learn:
No one can pick up the pieces.
When no one can see those pieces.
And no love is enough to put me back together.

My problem is that I give.
I give until I have nothing left,
and then when I’m a fraction of myself,
I wonder why this is.
My problem is that I love.
I love without so much as a thought
of being loved back, and then when
they don’t love me back, I’m heartbroken.
They teach you about drugs;
pills, powder, injections.
They teach you about alcohol,
and its addiction.
But they didn’t teach me about that need,
inside of me to fit in, to be seen.
They didn’t tell me it’d chew me up,
and spit me out.
See, they didn’t tell me about love,
or giving until you have nothing left
in hopes of fitting in, in hopes
of feeling something so magical
it’s like you’re drowning.
So I gave until there was nothing left,
and they took without so much as a thought about their theft.
And I loved, loved until I thought I’d run out,
wasting it on people who didn’t care or deserve it.
That’s my problem.

Walks in silence like a ghost
Never to be seen nor heard
The voices swirling around her head like a vortex consuming her every thought.

Wishing for the chaos to cease as she
reaches for your hand
But you can't see he pain you cause
or the ghost by your side slowly going mad
As she alone wanders the world, without  a place amongst the living