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 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
I'm a jack-of-all-trades
good at nothing
good for nothing
I've never learned how to swim
or play an instrument
I can't drive a car
or write anything well
or carve your name in the stars
where it deserves to be

and I've never created
a single thing I've felt proud of
but I can cheer you on
watch you swim laps
from the shallowest end of the pool
and get excited when you publish
your capital "L" Literature
I'll cover you in glitter
so you'll shine to the ends of the galaxy
then we'll watch how every star in the night sky
blinks your name in morse code
How low is my self esteem that I'm the side kick of my own poetry?
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Denouement
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Your silver tinsel smile
Warm breath against my neck
Lips parted and I can almost taste you
Bubbles line champagne glasses
Their edges soft as skin
The needle work
Your fingertips sew
Against my arm
Like rain drops on
A golden window pane
And a dull heart ache
At the bottom of my stomach
Pulling me under
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Apart
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
you tell me what you've learned
from your "failed" marriage
when you fell for someone else;

"you can try to shirk away love
but the act of doing so will destroy you"

and a pang of sadness cuts deep
at the pit of my stomach as I realize
I will always be destroyed
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Euthanized
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
If we're together til death do us part
Then the only way out becomes suicide
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Rêverie
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
you once called me your dream girl
I was terrified that some day you'd wake up
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
Effortless
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
first

find the most interesting, beautiful, and important part of your figure;
observe with fresh eyes, and new hands
until you can touch the figure in your mind

but

do not hold him just yet.

transform him to his most basic and essential qualities.
observe the way light plays against his skin, the darker shadows under his neck, the curve of his lips
the muscles along his arms and blood in his veins
holding your brush with care, start an outline

go slow at this stage

find a way to capture his gaze.
a gaze away could mean disinterest or distraction
an animated gaze forward means your figure is engaged

next

trace him with your brush
focusing on the base of his neck,
his broad, naked shoulders,
his back and the curves that connect to his thighs.

when you have an outline: wait

wait until you hear the pounding of your own heartbeat
paint the feeling of his hands against your hips
wait until you feel his lips brush up against
the base of your neck,
your slender, naked shoulders,
your back
your stomach
and lower

at this very moment, you feel yourself painted by him

you become a shade, a highlight, a smudge back into the canvas
and he pulls you in closer
until you both become one image

you watch him as he takes your paint brush away
you are naked and you do not remember if he painted
your clothing off with a brush of his own
or if you took them off yourself

such trivial detail is not essential to the big picture

this is when the real picture is painted
when you yourself become a series of circles and textures
and your body no longer feels real

you are two figures, ready to be painted

you capture this moment.
 Dec 2020 Schuy
Arke
when I was little
my mother
told me a story
about the time
she held a butterfly
she loved him, she said

he was yellow and beautiful
he was delicate
and fragile
his wings were paper
and his legs were glass
and he died in her hands

and I have been
absolutely terrified of them
ever since
it's a stupid fear
I've been told
who the hell is afraid of butterflies?

and when I
think of your skin,
white sheets of paper
more beautiful than anything
and your arms, your collar bones
your shoulders, smooth like glass

I am afraid to hold you
or hurt you
instead, I'll watch you from afar
as you soar through
crystal blue skies
further and further away
you give me butterflies.
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