A crack in my mirror, right in the centre
splits my image into a thousand pieces
versions of myself never quite realised
all that I am and all that I could be
each fragment a glimpse into a path not chosen
fingers reaching out to touch the glass
dipping into the reflection, a pool of possibility
if only I could crawl through the looking glass
or break on through to the other side
would I miss this place
am I happier there

pigeon coo’s echo outside the window
relentless repetition please stop,
grey skies, lacklustre rain
drip drop drips from the sky
like a tap not turned tight
enough

the kettle is screaming at me
fogs up the window
desperate, don’t look out there,
the forbidden fruit, sacred outdoors
sterilised sanitised inside, free me,
I long to ***** my feet

how can the world keep on turning
when we are all so still
does the passing of time matter
during this vast nothingness?

a cup of tea to calm my nerves
hot liquid chases down the fear
bubbling up in my throat but
it just crawls back, and settles
so quiet becomes the house
eternally occupied, no respite

heavier now, thankful for the sound
drowning out the silence, rain
like the white noise, grateful
the sound of breath has become
too much, all of us in mute,
in sound, in colour, in all

peering into the trees
spreading the branches
fingertips tinged green
from the moss and the leaves
higher and higher I climb
sitting amongst the birds
the air is colder up here
are you there?

buried alive now
winding deeper to the core
down down down
lost I might never find the surface
I might never have to
you don’t consider the heat
when you reach the centre of everything
will I ever reach you?

I crave solitude like an addict
maddened by need
a burning desire to be alone
unable to breathe
and when it’s only me
like liquid injected into my veins
silken relief wraps around me
and that is the only time
that anything feels right

The hardest moments come when the moon is high
all around me is dark and all inside me is darker
wrapped in a suffocating blanket thick fog
twisted stomach and frogs in my throat
I slip into a world of terror and calamity
and I forget how to switch on the light
I forget about the unlocked door
the open window the easy path
back to my safe golden honey dipped reality
trapped instead in the horrifying parallel universe
where nothing is right or good or kind
where monsters lurk and the sky rains blood
where every step I take each choice I make
Unravels further pain like I could never have imagined

rising now in darkness
the sun climbs sleepily above dew dampened fields
casting a hazy light over crystal rain drops
breath swirling in the air before me
nose blushing pink
rosebud lips dried
brushing gold dust from the corners of my eyes
crossing my fingers
that the rain might stay away
then turning my face to the sky
feeling the hesitant sun
gently warm my skin
while all around me is cold

oh how grateful i am
for winter mornings

How funny that air
should leave me so breathless
whipping my cheeks rouge
pulling on my hair
like a puppeteer on strings
strand dancing with strand
wild and free
trees bend from side to side
joyous feverish flow
Lost in music I can't quite hear
blossom twirls a tornado
towards the sky then falls
down upon us like confetti
at a wedding