I wish you knew my poetry about you. Maybe then you would know me too.
Words are hard to write. How the memory tend to bite. I once lost one I loved. Not a breakup.
I don't know how to make this a poem.
Nothing seams authentic if I try.
Its so hard to be "just the boyfriend."
They lost a daughter. I need to grive but its all out of place.
They say each kind of loss is equal but different let me tell you how mine went:
This little voice inside you starts poking a finger at you telling you her suicide was your fault. Then it jabs harder and harder until you want to die.
you run the scenario every ******* way you can but it doesn't help.
Because you were the boyfriend. You had one ******* job and you ******* it up. Be there. And you know what you know you were there. You know you were. So why does it hurt so bad? Because you were the boyfriend. You had one ******* job and you ******* it up.
Repeat that last paragraph about 50,000 times. While everyone else moves on.
2 years of my life. Made worthless without
her.
supposedly it gets easier right? It doesn't. It gets more manageable? Someday I just can't manage it.
I know this is me ******* and flailing my arms but I feel this is a better place then any to get it out.

How do we sin what's the code its written in?
How to decode and how to judge? Does god only speak through you, my love?
I only wonder who will read me my rights one day? Why do I answer to you today?
If the final daylight is finally here. Don't break my faith.
It isn't you I fear.
Bullets bounce inside my skull. The echoing takes its toll. The voices so filled with Dred. You don't choses the life I've lead.
Only god can judge the dead.

My heart drums on. To this vengeful song.
I can feel it mutter words on the air.
yes I feel my drum but I won't beet my chest for this country son.
I can see only way to be free is to fight to the death for eternity. I'm still a slave, they still cling to their ways. Because god knows war pays.
Valhalla we fall for all our kings but Zeus killed them all while still we sing.
No Odin on high no glory in death. Heavy to hear at your last breath. Only devils will cause death.

All my life is leavening, is this love or am I still dreaming.
I'm a thousand miles up don't drop me now.
my heart was made of brass, one look at you and now its made of glass.
I feel the world crumble to all but sand, only with you will I stand.
I'm a thousand miles up don't drop me now. A thousand miles up please don't let me down.
if I'm to go let me make a sound. Give me the chance to hold my ground.
don't wake me up. Don't hold me up. Dont want to float way up, only to fall and die.
gravity don't set me free.
don't let my heart shatter into eternity.
Don't let me down. Don't let me down. Don't let me down. Down. Down.
Down.

Sunrise fleeting by.
Cherry blossoms falling by.
like stars in clear sky's.

"You should be proud."
"He gave his life."
"A hero to the end."
The end. Two little words.  What do they say? How many brothers in arms die every day?
I should be proud.
he gave his life.
but all I feel is hate.
18 years of fighting 100 more of dieing we will justify them all, while names are carved into walls.
he made a choice still as a teen. His life was cut clean before the war turned mean.
we fight for justice, then we fight for guns, we fight for peace, but doesn't everyone?
Our country is not free. We pay in blood.
If we were brave we wouldn't be fighting the world everyday.

If I'm fire your the sun. I'm the tides your the moonlight eyes reflecting on the shore.
If I'm stone your diamond clear as can be.
if I'm the wind and your a cloud away lets make it a rainy day.
our hurricane ruptures sound and splits the atoms of the ground.
Steel bends and nearly breaks, heavens above begin to quake. And still my body shakes.
all our love comes pouring down drowning logic where none was found. Its taken shape and is roaming free, its the beast inside of me, a hellish hound colliding into the roaring name, my love sings your name.