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She held her other hand and intertwined her fingers.
she had him in mind. stuck in her own bubble of thoughts and imaginations.
She imagined it as his hands.
she doesn't know who, though. But she loved the thought of someone's hands intertwined with hers.
At night, she would talk endlessly into her phone.
It's not open, though. But she still talks and talk and talk until her story is finished.
She likes to think that she's talking to him on her phone.
She's not. She knows that.
The act just makes her feel less lonely.
It makes her feel as if someone would just love to listen to her rants and never ending stories or even about
how her day went.
She types her thoughts in the notes of her phone.
Thoughts that never made it out of her mouth.
Thoughts that she'd like to share with him.

And every time she does these things, reality slaps her hard in the face.
"Wake yourself up. It's never gonna happen."
And a tear always makes itself known as she opens her eyes.
And her happy fantasy crashes down as her heart did.

-F.T. 06.04.18
she felt as if she doesn't deserve any of it.
i love being in my own world; earphones plugged in, a stroll outside, or even sitting down and staring at nothing.
walking alone at night, the silence keeping me warm.
i guess  got used to being alone, that sometimes, it's loud even if it's silent.
i guess i got used to it so much, that sometimes, i love home more when it's quiet.
i know, to some it might sound selfish, (or maybe it's just me) but i'm just used to it.

that's why it's weird for me to feel the need for your presence.
it's weird to feel as if you should be here right next to me; to feel as if our skins should always be touching each other.
it's just... weird.

it's as if being alone feels foreign, now.
my hand now feels cold whenever yours aren't there to warm it.
now, i just love the fact that i could share my earphones with you; my music, my own little world with you in it.
i feel as if i'm no longer selfish.
as if home isn't home without your voice to fill it.

i love the fact that your mere smile replaces the deafening silence in my head.
and my eyes went from staring at nothing, to staring at you.
i love the fact that i'm getting used to that; that i'm getting used to you.

you who made my world sound better.
her face breaks into a grin as she sees the first few drops of the rain.
All the sadness, anger, gone all the pain.

the bliss she feels as the cold breeze hugged her.
she danced and twirled as she fills the air with her laughter.

She felt comfort inside the rains embrace.
She loves the feeling of it trickling down her face.

The rain reminds her that heart is not the only thing that's shattering,
As she hears the rain hit the pavement, cling-clang, clattering.

She loves it as the rain pours down on her face along with her tears.
Washing away all her nightmares, all her fears.

As it rains, her eyes are as bright as a sunny day.
For her, there's nothing like the comfort of a rainy day.

- F.T. 04/21/17
"Pluviophile. a lover of rain;someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days."
I always thought I was in love.
Whenever I see someone and get interested in them;
Whenever my heart beats fast in their presence.
The usual cliché love thing.
I thought love was supposed to be like that.

But, they just say that I'm just curious and wondering how it's like; how being in love feels like.

They say that I don't get to be in love in my age.
That I'm too young to be in love.
They say that I just need to wait.
That I'm just in love with the idea of love.


Maybe I am in love with the thought of holding your hand as if letting go would make me feel lost in a labyrinth.
And I might be in love with the thought of wrapping my arms around your neck, and your arms around my waist.

I'm in love with the thought of dancing with you to my favorite song, until our hearts are content.

I'm in love with the thought of feeling wanted, and not feel like I shouldn't even be here.

I'm in love with the thought to finally have someone with me every night, keeping from having nightmares in my sleep.

I'm in love with the thought of finally relating to those love songs that speak promises in my ears.

I'm in love with the thought of all of those things.

But I am deep in love with the thought of being in love with you; the right one, God's best, the one He reserved for me. And for you to love me back. For me to finally be loved back.

And maybe you'll show me what being in love really feels like.
That it's more than what I thought it was.

-F.T. 03/14/17
i used to know where to go.
even when I was always alone.
I'd find a place to go to.
I'd let my feet take me where it would lead me.

I never felt lost
Never felt alone.

But then you came out of nowhere,
Grabbed my hand, and lead me to places
I am not familiar with

And like a lost dog, I followed you around.
Learned every place you would bring me to.

You were the magnet, and I was the stray metal that can't help but get attracted to you.

But eventually, you felt the weight of the metal,
And got tired of it.

You forced the metal off of you.
You left her in the middle of nowhere.

I used to know where to go.

Before you came, I used to know where to go.

Now, I just feel lost.
Yearning for the magnet that once lured me in.

-F.T. 03/15/17
i turned the gear to the way i know the most
but you, in the passenger seat, reached for the gear
and turned it to the way
you want
me to go.

yet, i kept driving, stared ahead, went with it.
another intersection came in to view.
you asked me where
I want to go
i turned the gear with confidence

but you turned the gear to the way you want
me to go.

i kept my mouth shut, stared ahead, went with it, kept driving.

another intersection.
you stared at me as if asking
and with shaking hands, i turned the gear where
I need
to be.

but you shook your head and turned the gear to the way
you want
me to be.

i stared ahead, thinking
im the driver under the passenger's control.

another intersection.
i didn't need to look at you to know
i turned the gear to the way
you want
me to go.

as I turned to all your ways, i felt pure melancholy
this is not my road.
this is your way, not mine.

another intersection.
with a brave heart, I turned the gear to the way i want to go; to the way i need to be.

you fought for the gear,
and for the first time, i fought back
and eventually

we crashed.

and you blamed me,
looked at me with disappointed eyes.

and soon enough
i started to do the same
i blamed myself for
going for my dreams;
for making my own decisions.

-F.T. 03/04/17
Dear mom.

"I am a king under your control."
i envy those whose eyes are set on one star;
that they know how to reach it no matter how far.
i envy how they know which rocket ship to take;
i envy how they know what decision to make
how they know which gear to manipulate.

i envy those who already know their fate.

while i, with confused eyes,
am still staring at the sea of lights.
still choosing, hoping, for the perfect glimmer;
perfect for me - a dreamer.
but it just seems like it's still lightyears away from me.

but i'll wait.

perhaps, i am not meant to stay on one star.

-F.T. 03/01/17
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