I wish I would've known everything I know now when I first met you.

There's so much I wish I could say.
But every time I try to speak my tongue goes numb.
I don't know what you want or need or if I can even be enough,
But darling I will break my back trying to be what you need.
I don't know if this is real, but I know when you touched my spine I thought my whole body was going to erupt into flames.
I want to spend the days laughing with you and the nights crying with you.
I want you to meet my mom and realize why my dad's love came too late.
I want to tell my friends about you.
I want to sing The 1975 songs with you and dance around the living room at midnight.
I want to make angels sing on my couch.
I want you. All of you.

Stop fighting it.
Our hearts beat for each other's.
Stop pretending this isn't real.
Stop pretending you don't feel anything.
Stop fighting the way your insides feel like fire when I say your name.
Stop building those walls higher and higher.
Don't ever act so nonchalant when someone calls you my boyfriend.
Just stop fighting this.
Stop.
This isn't a game.
There won't be a game over.
Just stop fighting yourself and let us happen.

I know I acted disgusted but I kinda liked how he called you my boyfriend.

He hits you.
Apologizes.
Says he loves you.
You forgive him.
He hits you again.
Says it was an accident and he loves you.
You forgive him.
He hits you out of habit now.
He makes you feel like nothing.
But he says he loves you.
And now you don't know what love means anymore.

Happiness isn't an emotion. It's being with you.

This one is for the way you don't think you're attractive even though you are.
This one if for your voice because its heavenly, my love.
This one is for how you always try to scare me to be funny but you never actually succeed.
This one is for your hugs because they are so perfect.
This one is for the dreams you keep showing up in.
This one is for your taste in music...it's perfect.
This one is how you always poke my side when your "mad"
This one is for how you like your coffee. Same as me.
This one is for all your quirky mannerisms.
This one is for the smile you put on my face and how you have me dancing in my PJ's in the morning like I used to before he left.
This one is for how you showed me that I can move on and be happy again.
This one is for you and your goofy laugh.