So I m sitting in the mall
Waiting for life to entertain me
As I know it will
Feeling moribund and gloomy
As if a full belly and a dry bed
Aren't good enough.
Like the universe owes me a back stage pass, right?
And access to the green room
And the groupies,
And how no matter how much I get,
It will never be enough,
This is the most depressing thought,
That I am insatiable,
And any form of happiness
Will remain at a distance,
Because I can't shove enough pleasure
Down my throat
Or get enough women to lay down,
Or find an end to this need to
Consume.
Ekhart was right.
Just go sit on a bench and shut up.
So I m sitting in the mall
Waiting for life to entertain me
...

It hides in the darkness
And lurks in the shadows

The sun can block it out
But not keep it away in the night

Sometimes the moon is my only solace
But it leaves

Then I'm left alone

The demons whispering
Become shouts

It leaves me deaf
And blinded

The light stolen
By the hateful thieves

With that light
Leaves
My
Hope

But it lingers in my mind
Even when it's pitch black

Even when the shouts make me deaf
I hear the words

Hold
On
Possibilities
Exist

The little birdie
My little angel
My wonderful friend

Is here
They snuck in
And were beside me
They were with me
Even through the worst

When no one was here
They still were
They became my light

Even now as I'm in the dark
I know they are here
And it gives me

Hope

I sit at the edge of my bed,
White stocking covered feet
Swaying without breaking a beat,
You laugh and tell me, "no more, sweetie"
I give a smile but continue in denial
In denial that this is a fantasy I created after a while.
After months of late night calls and whispered sins
Months of laughter and cocained induced spins
It was when the truth slipped my lips that fantasies and dreams were locked away.
I laid in my cold bed, staring through a screen.
Your jaw tightened and my eyes fluttered closed.
Moments before we had laughed about our fantasies and I dreamed of a alternative life.
I even said, dreams don't come true and you neither denied it or agreed.
You enjoyed the thought of holding me and brushing your fingers over my skin.
I now enjoy the thought, alone in cold sheets of being loved again.
I messaged you in silent fear, will you ever come near?
Near to what we use to be,
Near to laughter and calling me your little Ducky?
You say you are torn, hurt and distressed.
One little Lie and I have to pull up my dress.
I cover my body and bow my head,
My Love, I am nothing but dead.
You don't know it now but I can see,
A day or so you will forget about me.
Fantasy will be locked behind a door,
Dreams have turned to nightmares since you aren't here anymore.
I wish I could have kept quiet,
But silence isn't my strong suit.
I wish you were dumber, after your nose is abused,
But instead you remain sharp and count the years until I can down a *****.
I sit on the edge of my bed,
Bare feet swaying.
My eyes are glued to the bare stop I wish you were kneeling.
I part my lips to return a sassy response when I remembered;
Fantasies don't become reality.

You only need light
To see in the dark
Perform a kind deed
To leave your mark
But you need, a lot of dirt
To dig a hole

You only need food
When you are hungry
Ask for advice
When in a quandary
But you needn’t, throw any dirt
To reach your goal

You only need water
When you are thirsty
Put away your ego
To have some modesty
But you must, wash away your dirt
For your sins, to annul

You don’t need to worry
About life after death
Don’t rush to the end
Stop, take a breath
Because, you mustn’t have, any dirt
To save your soul
BOEMS BY JA 207

The snow shivered in the heat
Tears fell from crystalline eyes
so white . . .
. . . the mountain gathered them up
and let them roll down his back to
the river . . .
. . . the river said ,"I'm overpool but I will make room for one more . . . or thousands  . . .
The crystalline tears mingled with the red mud and became blood brothers . . . and they flowed to the mighty sea . . .
. . .  "Welcome to my domain my little one's . I knew your forefathers and mothers from long ago . Here you will do my bidding as long as you stay . Here my windy friends will make froth out of you . And my big brother Sun will bake you and my sister Moon will entice you with dreams that can never be . All are here to test you , burn you , pull you apart , toss you around until you are ready to follow in your parents footprints . . .
. . . so the Sun scorched and the wind blew hurricanes in the east and typhoons in the west and the moon by night gave false hope in the way of impossible dreams and the ancient Sea watched all without saying a word . . . .
. . . then came the day the Sea was satisfied and said ,"Leap up my little ones , your day has come , ride the clouds to your new home . Some to the north , some go to the south , the rest go east and west . Take your precious gift to the land who is dying for your taste ." And one by one the tears lept into the clouds and ladened it's burdens and the winds cartied them away to the Plains and Forest and Valleys and to the Mountain Top . There the tears fell and froze and collected on the north face of the
mountain and the mountan was was glad .
"Welcome home my lost little one's . I'm so happy I could cry ." . . .  and he did .

Liquored fingers entwined in hers
The nectar on her palms
Dripped to her wrists
Before, she did not know the scent of sunshine
But in the glint of copper and gold on their wrists
She could see forever
And beauty
and youth

Then the night came in a blaze of colors
Sinking into her skin and drying the sweetness on her hands so that it cracked in a glaze
She was afraid and alone
Cloaked in darkness blind
Nothing could save her it seemed
So she looked for shelter inside herself
Hunched her shoulders into her hurt
Waited for the sun to rise

And then the light came
Not in the form of peaches and summer
But in unadulterated silver
Clean and cut out of shadows
Illuminating her eyes in a thin layer of moon and breath
And the stars spread before her
Plated crumbs around a celestial plate

She found sustenance in it, spread her arms out so that she could catch
every bit of the light
and the glaze on her wrists peeled and fell off,
and she stayed that way
with her eyes wide open
until the sun came to claim her once again
in a cherry red glimmer at the edge of the earth.

You birth, you die.
In between you laugh, but first you cry.
Babies can’t be born a giggling,
First a howl and then a wiggling,
Feed me now, I see them jiggling,
A ******’s nourish or I’ll have to amplify.

You grow, you leave.
Kindergarten’s where you find and first deceive.
Are you scared, no I’m just shivering,
What’s the answer, please stop quivering,
Stop your squirming and start delivering,
Be silent girl, while we teach you to retrieve.

You love, you hate.
This line defines who you will be, so hesitate.
Your skin is dark, you must be trouble,
Born a woman let it double,
Godless freak, you’re on the bubble,
Fools all, refuse their call and stave a poisoned bait.

You fight, you lose.
Death’s undefeated makes afterlife a muse.
Still there is joy in generosity,
Kin and kind in blind equality,
Stand up to greed and each atrocity,
Your courage deep, dwells down the destiny you choose.