With joy, I stand,
As you slip from my hand,
A shadow, a veil, so faint, so fine,
Fading like dusk at the close of time.

Yet in absence, I call—
Come forth within me, in all,
To nestle, to bloom,
In my heart’s hallowed room.

O’ radiant spark, so fair,
Manifest love, and fill the air,
Let me hold thee, soft and bright,
A treasure in endless night.

O’ Beloved, in whose light my soul is lost,  
You are the breath of heaven, the very cost  
Of my existence, an intoxication divine,  
A love so deep, no tongue can dare define.  

You are the wine, and I, the cup you fill,  
A thirst unending, yet I drink my fill.  
Your eyes, like stars, consume me whole—  
An endless longing that devours my soul.  

In your touch, I am both slave and king,  
Bound by desire, yet free in everything.  
You are the flame, and I the burning wick,  
I dance in your fire, lost in love’s trick.  

O’ sacred beauty, in you I see  
The truth beyond the self, the unity.  
Your beauty is not of this world,  
But of the spirit, in your gaze unfurled.  

Come, Beloved, for I am drunk on your name,  
A mystic’s love that cannot be the same.  
My heart, a river, flows to you—  
The shore is distant, but the love is true.

In the garden of your love, I roam,
A seeker lost, yet never lone.
I search for you, O’ moon so bright,
Hidden in the veil of night.

The wind whispers your name, so sweet,
Through ancient paths where shadows meet,
You hide in places deep and pure,
Yet every trace is my allure.

Like a flame that dances in the dark,
You flicker, tease, and leave a mark—
I chase you, but you slip away,
Like dawn’s first light at break of day.

O’ beloved, what is this game?
Why hide from me, who feels the same?
Are we not one beneath the skin?
In every breath, I seek within.

The rose blooms, but hides its heart,
Yet in its fragrance, I depart—
To follow you through realms untold,
Where love’s pure fire is made of gold.

I run, I search, through every space,
But you, like light, can’t be replaced.
In your hiding, I find my quest,
For only in seeking, we are blessed.

When will you come, O’ soul so near?
I chase your shadow, feel your fear.
But in your flight, I know you yearn,
For I am love, and I return.

O’, let this game of hide and seek,
Reveal the truth, make hearts unique.
For in your hiding, I find me,
And in our love, we are set free.

So come, my love, and end this night,
Let us unite in the sacred light.
For though you hide and I may seek,
The heart will always find what it speaks.

I recognise my ego nature
as I fall into
judgemental rage..
Still, I grasp a hold of my mind
allowing my higher self to take the stage.
Thoughts are clouds
they’re plagues, they’re thief’s,
of which
mindfulness is the only relief.

Worse than an American diet
stress will take its toll…
Better learn to meditate
before you get too old!

feeling the cracks in the walls. watching the floor crumble. my life is unraveling.
im not crying. i cannot yet. ill have to wait for a different stage - its not how denial works.
running my fingers along the lines. it cuts. it cuts deeper. deeper still. i see the blood but i dont feel it yet.

why do we hold onto ruins? to the ashes of things we never had? i try to keep it all together. i want to scream and rush to hold the base together - but i cant move. im just standing still with the slowly settling emptiness.

it was never there. it was all in my head. i knew that already and i know it now, more than i ever did. reality is seeping trough the gaps but i dont want to look.
why is it so difficult to face something youve faced many times before? and why is it so hard if you knew it was there all along?
i want the rubble to bury me. i want to take me with the rest. i want this life i could have never had, these walls i painted with love knowing it would fall.

i want to be free, trapped under all that never really was.