When your words sting through my heart and leave me broken
- I love you

When the distance between us feels like miles even though we're near
- I love you

When I think of how many fights we've been through
- I love you

When you can't control your anger and burst it all out
- I love you

When the volume of your voice increases and reprimands me
- I love you

When you speak of words of love  and gentleness is in your voice
- I love you  

When you make me feel the luckiest girl in the world
- I love you

When you give me hope and encouragement
- I love you

When I'm wrong and you set me right
- I love you                

When you love me
- I love you

Love’s not simple, God knows it’s not.
If it is simple then it is not love.
But to make it simple, to make it seem simple,
I am sending it out to you, word for word,
Line to line, poem after poem.

I am handing it out to you
Like a million dollar contract.
I am making you feel it, touch after touch,
One halted-touch to the next,
Sadness and happiness.

So forgive me, if I burden you
With all love’s complexities.
Forgive me, if I am heaping it
At your feet, all this confusion.

My heart is only boat tonight,
And you have every right
To own the ocean.
My mind is only wind tonight,
Yours is a closed window.
Our hands were the shiest couple,
And our elbows were French-kissing
For quite some time now.
So I have a liking
For what I cannot have.
I think it is quite clear.

Don’t pull me in.
Don’t push me away.
Don’t tire yourself.
Open the door
Or just have it closed.
But please forgive me,
If I knock at your door
Forever, for I love you,
And I love you, simply,
With all its complexities.

I am offering you
A key to an opened door-
My heart.
Use it well.

Forgive me, dear,
But I love you,
And it is
That simple.

© 2011 J.S.P.

The hotel balcony is the highest
That I could get, just as lying down
On the greener grass in Luneta Park
Is the lowest that I could ever be,
All because she is with me,
All because my hand fits, feels just
Right about her hand, and all because
All the warmest stars kept on
Staring back at us, inspired.
We are the farthest satellite
That they could ever find.*

© 2014 J.S.P.

I don't remember how we started talking
I don't remember becoming friends
I don't remember when I started using
Stupid words that I would never use
I don't remember how it started
I don’t remember when that smile got me
I don't remember falling in love
I don’t remember
I remember talking about the boys you
Chased
I remember holding you as the same
Boys made you cry
I remember coming over just to ******* life
I remember doing anything to make you smile
I remember watching us break apart
I remember you finding him
I remember falling in a hole
I remember the pain seeing you with him
I remember wishing it was me
I remember

I forgot to fill my prescription.
How is it that I always forget something that makes such an impact on my life?
Without it, I am not myself.
or am I more myself?
Who is to say that depression and anxiety aren't characteristics as opposed to mental illness?

A chemical imbalance of the brain.
That's how the doctors describe it.
That's how we describe it,
To make ourselves feel less ashamed.

So I forgot to fill my prescription.
Sometimes I think I forget purposefully.
Is it possible to cautiously make a sub-consous choice?
Cause' I think I might.
I think I do it to make myself feel alive again.
**** being able to "function".
I don't see functioning as living.
I truly feel alive when I allow myself to indulge in the pain.

Treating the emotional agony as something that I shouldn't feel, only makes me feel more ashamed of it.

So instead I indulge.
I don't cry.
I don't cut.
I don't expose.
I indulge in my inner sadness.

It makes me feel like a rebel.
Indulging makes me feel more alive than the actual act of living.
And that terrifies me.

I terrify me.